Arghhhh. I've been planning my 4th of July Party since last year. Because the city I live in launches the fireworks - literally - over my house. It's the most amazing fireworks display I've seen since the ones on base in Germany. And since I'll be up all night anyway, why not have the party at my place? So I told everyone last year, and have invited everyone for this year (in the process, not everyone has their invites yet.) My so-called best friend, who just had her annual party last Saturday, announced to me this past Monday that she's having a party on the 4th. When I said, "hey, it's at my place this year, remember?" She went "oh, I forgot." Well, she's still planning on having the party! Even though our set of friends overlaps, and as my best friend, I really wanted her to come to my party...
So today I approached her and asked if she wouldn't mind postponing her party until later this summer, maybe Labor Day weekend? Since she just had a party, and I've been planning mine since last year...To which she responded "But I've already invited people." Umm, so have I. So she said she would but only if she could invite her people to my party. Duh. It's the same freakin' group of friends! And then she says "what are you serving?" Naturally, it being the 4th and all, I'm serving hamburgers and hot dogs. She goes "Oh, no, I was going to roast a pig's rump." I said she could bring her own grill and do that, but we're having hamburgers and hot dogs. She goes "The pig rump will feed everyone." To which I said "Remember, I don't like pig, and this is the 4th of July." So we're having burgers and dogs.
She's going to be cranky about this. She's probably going to hold her own party anyway, or try to commandeer mine. And I'm really tempted to tell her to go take a flying leap...Sigh.
It's not like she's being really friendly lately anyway. I came to her party even though she barely spoke to me for weeks beforehand, STILL hasn't asked me how I'm doing with Grandma's death (and reading about Bonnie's dad on the BB had me in tears in seconds, so I guess I'm not doing so good!) and didn't say hello to me when I got there. Seriously. Just frowned at me when I told her I'd also brought a bag of ice and put it in the freezer since I didn't know where the drinks were going. She was pissed I'd done that. Hello???? I just don't get it. But she was all smiles and sunshine for everyone else. She didn't even say 2 words to me during the party. Bizarre...her stepmom was very surprised. See, it's not just me. Someone else noticed.
But I didn't mean to get all of topic. I'm having a party on the 4th, I stood up for myself and, not unreasonably I think, quite nicely asked if she could switch her party date.
Found a new recipe on SparkRecipes.com. Crock Pot Lemon Chicken. Okay, I baked it in a corningware dish, used 2 limes instead of lemons, 1 cup of chicken broth using a bouillon cube and I cut up 2 small potatoes and baked them in with the chicken. Also didn't put in the garlic (migraines 'r us, that stuff). It was de-li-cious. :) A little too much Italian Seasoning, but it was easy to make and easy to eat. Gonna keep that one on my list!
I also got in 40 minutes of QiGong last night in addition to completing Abs #1 in the morning. Hurt like heck today (shouldn't have moved the washer & dryer alone on Sunday) but it's a good day to be me. :) And I'm halfway to my 8 glasses of water today.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Great Expectations
That book was such a disappointment to me when we finally got to it in Mr. Arnold's 9th Grade English class. I'd heard soooo much hype about it, and frankly, thought the characters were all a bunch of idiots. Especially Mrs. Haversham. Get over it already, I used to want to yell at her. Well, guess I still do. LOL. But I'm starting to recognize that expectations fill our lives, whether we acknowledge them or not, and drive our reactions and emotions.
I mean, they are everywhere. I had such great expectations when I bought that t-bone steak at the grocery store. I really did. And I cooked it last night. It wasn't that bad, once I trimmed the burned sections off of it. Although I really should have modified the amount of seasonings I marinated it in. I really should have. (Note to self: instructions on side of seasoning packet are for larger amounts of meat...adjust accordingly!) But my expectations weren't really disappointed. I enjoyed my first self-cooked piece of steak. Not bad, really. And my dog was thrilled last night. I think she almost peed herself when I dropped that bone in her bowl, she was so excited. LOL. Although I wasn't too popular when I refused to let her chew on it on my bed. A girl has got to draw a line somewhere!
And then there are the expectations that we have for ourselves, the people in our lives. Things we expect people to say and do, how to react. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I've been disappointed in what used to be a very good friendship. Perhaps one of the best friendships of my adult life. Or that's simply what I've thought...I've been told before that my loyalty, once earned, is hard for someone to lose. But slowly over the past year or so, it's as if my eyes are opening. My friend hasn't been as supportive as I expected she'd be, especially when it came to the house I bought. I thought she'd be as thrilled as I was when she finally found her place. But she wasn't. I literally packed her up when she moved because she had the flu so bad that week. I cleaned her rental because she couldn't and she needed to be out of the place before another month's rent was due. I even helped move stuff in and unpack and organize several times at her new place.
Yet when I asked for some help moving to my new house, I got very little in return. She swore up and down and promised to help me rip all the carpets out (they were in nasty shape) before I moved in. She didn't. Oh, she came over a few hours that first evening, and the second evening only because I guilted her into. And boy, was she pissy about that. And stayed maybe an hour. At her first party in her new place, she got mad because I didn't help her clean and get ready as much as she wanted me to. She went to take a nap before the party started, and expected me to clean the floors while she was sleeping. When she woke up and I hadn't swept the floors, had instead chatted with other friends that were early arrivals, she was pissed. Yet when I had my housewarming, she didn't help clean or prep or anything. Didn't help run errands or go to the store to get stuff I'd forgotten, like she'd asked me to do. And which I'd done, because the store literally lies halfway between both of our houses, on the fastest most direct route between us.
And then there was this past week since my Grandmother's death. I called her that evening right after I found out, very close to falling apart on the phone, and left a message asking her to call me back. She didn't. My little sister's mom called that night (for some other reason), and could tell by my voice that something was wrong. She has since called & emailed me multiple times to make sure I'm okay, and that's on top of my little sister, who has called me as well.
Yet my friend, who I told the news to on Wednesday at work, and also told that I am having a very hard time dealing with this, has not called me once in the last week. Not. One. Single. Time. Not even to call me back after I called her Wednesday after work. This, the friend that over the past five years has called me practically every night. And heaven forbid there be a TV program on that I want to watch, because it's the ultimate affront to her, that I'd watch a show rather than talk to her. We literally spend hours on the phone talking to each other every week. But we haven't talked once since my Grandma died. Not even on Monday, when I mentioned that it had been a very rough weekend, with the funeral being Saturday, and my not going, etc. I really expected her to call me that night. But she didn't.
I am starting to think it's because I am a lot more sure of myself now than when we first met. I've taken control of my life. Bought a house, eating better, in control of my tomato addiction, worked off 25 lbs, exercising...I still want the friendship, but I'm starting to feel that unless I'm dependent on her friendship and her friendship alone for my happiness, she doesn't want to be friends with me. Maybe she needs to be able to feel superior to me? Above me in some way? I don't know. But she's made comments before about losing friends once they become spiritual equals with her. I've been thinking for awhile it's because she pushes them away.
She is a very demanding friend. I've known that. But at first, it seemed that I've gotten a good measure back from her in this friendship. Now I'm starting to wonder if I've been blind to it from the start. That this has always been such a one-sided friendship. Or maybe I expect too much. But is it too much to expect a friend to be there to give you a hug when you're crying over your dead grandparent? Even if the death was expected and is a relief in some ways? Inside there is still a five year old girl who loves her Grandma and knows she'll always be there.
I'm sorry. I didn't expect all this to come out. :) It started out in my mind as a light-hearted look at our daily expectations. I meant to end funnily, with stating that I'm going to start copying my dog's attitude. She has high expectations every day that some truly delicious bit of people food will drop into her bowl. And most days it doesn't. Yet she's always hopeful, always happy, always looking up at me thinking, "oh yeah, today I get that t-bone..." And whaddaya know. Last night she did. :)
I mean, they are everywhere. I had such great expectations when I bought that t-bone steak at the grocery store. I really did. And I cooked it last night. It wasn't that bad, once I trimmed the burned sections off of it. Although I really should have modified the amount of seasonings I marinated it in. I really should have. (Note to self: instructions on side of seasoning packet are for larger amounts of meat...adjust accordingly!) But my expectations weren't really disappointed. I enjoyed my first self-cooked piece of steak. Not bad, really. And my dog was thrilled last night. I think she almost peed herself when I dropped that bone in her bowl, she was so excited. LOL. Although I wasn't too popular when I refused to let her chew on it on my bed. A girl has got to draw a line somewhere!
And then there are the expectations that we have for ourselves, the people in our lives. Things we expect people to say and do, how to react. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I've been disappointed in what used to be a very good friendship. Perhaps one of the best friendships of my adult life. Or that's simply what I've thought...I've been told before that my loyalty, once earned, is hard for someone to lose. But slowly over the past year or so, it's as if my eyes are opening. My friend hasn't been as supportive as I expected she'd be, especially when it came to the house I bought. I thought she'd be as thrilled as I was when she finally found her place. But she wasn't. I literally packed her up when she moved because she had the flu so bad that week. I cleaned her rental because she couldn't and she needed to be out of the place before another month's rent was due. I even helped move stuff in and unpack and organize several times at her new place.
Yet when I asked for some help moving to my new house, I got very little in return. She swore up and down and promised to help me rip all the carpets out (they were in nasty shape) before I moved in. She didn't. Oh, she came over a few hours that first evening, and the second evening only because I guilted her into. And boy, was she pissy about that. And stayed maybe an hour. At her first party in her new place, she got mad because I didn't help her clean and get ready as much as she wanted me to. She went to take a nap before the party started, and expected me to clean the floors while she was sleeping. When she woke up and I hadn't swept the floors, had instead chatted with other friends that were early arrivals, she was pissed. Yet when I had my housewarming, she didn't help clean or prep or anything. Didn't help run errands or go to the store to get stuff I'd forgotten, like she'd asked me to do. And which I'd done, because the store literally lies halfway between both of our houses, on the fastest most direct route between us.
And then there was this past week since my Grandmother's death. I called her that evening right after I found out, very close to falling apart on the phone, and left a message asking her to call me back. She didn't. My little sister's mom called that night (for some other reason), and could tell by my voice that something was wrong. She has since called & emailed me multiple times to make sure I'm okay, and that's on top of my little sister, who has called me as well.
Yet my friend, who I told the news to on Wednesday at work, and also told that I am having a very hard time dealing with this, has not called me once in the last week. Not. One. Single. Time. Not even to call me back after I called her Wednesday after work. This, the friend that over the past five years has called me practically every night. And heaven forbid there be a TV program on that I want to watch, because it's the ultimate affront to her, that I'd watch a show rather than talk to her. We literally spend hours on the phone talking to each other every week. But we haven't talked once since my Grandma died. Not even on Monday, when I mentioned that it had been a very rough weekend, with the funeral being Saturday, and my not going, etc. I really expected her to call me that night. But she didn't.
I am starting to think it's because I am a lot more sure of myself now than when we first met. I've taken control of my life. Bought a house, eating better, in control of my tomato addiction, worked off 25 lbs, exercising...I still want the friendship, but I'm starting to feel that unless I'm dependent on her friendship and her friendship alone for my happiness, she doesn't want to be friends with me. Maybe she needs to be able to feel superior to me? Above me in some way? I don't know. But she's made comments before about losing friends once they become spiritual equals with her. I've been thinking for awhile it's because she pushes them away.
She is a very demanding friend. I've known that. But at first, it seemed that I've gotten a good measure back from her in this friendship. Now I'm starting to wonder if I've been blind to it from the start. That this has always been such a one-sided friendship. Or maybe I expect too much. But is it too much to expect a friend to be there to give you a hug when you're crying over your dead grandparent? Even if the death was expected and is a relief in some ways? Inside there is still a five year old girl who loves her Grandma and knows she'll always be there.
I'm sorry. I didn't expect all this to come out. :) It started out in my mind as a light-hearted look at our daily expectations. I meant to end funnily, with stating that I'm going to start copying my dog's attitude. She has high expectations every day that some truly delicious bit of people food will drop into her bowl. And most days it doesn't. Yet she's always hopeful, always happy, always looking up at me thinking, "oh yeah, today I get that t-bone..." And whaddaya know. Last night she did. :)
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