REVing Up

So I had an interesting light bulb moment last night. While eating the pancakes I made for my, umm, second dinner. Sigh.

I've been trying to get this whole exercising and eating back on track. Not doing too shabby on the exercising. Better than I was for awhile. Especially now that we have the BodyRev group on Sparkpeople.

Last week was murder on the exercise/BodyRev front, not because I didn't want to, but because of getting that nasty sinus/allergy attack while helping with JT's wedding. I even took my BodyRev & DVD with me for my overnight stay at my little sis's (her mom wants to try it) but that was the worst night for the sinus attack and I could not do it the next morning. It was hard enough to get to the wedding rehearsal to take the photographs and help set up for the wedding & reception. (MB and I were the photographers. Gulp.)

By the weekend I was exhausted! Although I did rake the back lawn (thatch issues) Friday evening. And mowed on Sunday. With an old-fashioned push reel mower, thank you very much. Okay, it's a small lawn and was done in about 30-40 minutes. But still. :) On Monday I didn't exercise. Can give a hundred excuses. But did QiGong on Tues and Wed, and this A.M. I did BodyRev Legs and Abs#1. I want to do the QiGong tonight because I've noticed I sleep better the nights I practice QiGong in the evening.

But I digress. As usual.

My Revelation: I'm becoming compulsive over food again.

Not sure when it picked up. I think over the last two weeks. It's not PMS related (sorry if that's TMI.) It is totally stress/anxiety related. Not sure why...I can't pinpoint any one thing I'm anxious about right now. Maybe it's another stage of grief from Grandma's death? Part of it is the whole water thing as Alden pointed out. But that's not all of it. Hopefully by posting here and being honest, it'll make me STOP. It's just compulsive. I'm not hungry. I'm eating simply because it tastes good. For the pleasure of it. I'm trying to make myself eat healthy stuff, apples and carrots. But overeating is overeating! And the pancakes last night, an hour after I'd eaten a perfectly substantial dinner.

I also noticed through tracking on Sparkpeople, that my food intake is skewed in a way I'd've never guessed. If you had asked me, I would have said I was doing great on protein, a little high on fats, too high on carbs, okay on calories (maybe a few hundred over occasionally.) At least, that's where I thought I was for the last 10 months since starting REVing. Because I had totally revamped my eating habits. Portions, ingredients, no fast food, etc. But the reality is:

PROTEIN is on the low side on a daily basis.

Who'd've thought? Carbs, fats, calories are within my "range". Usually the middle or top. (Lately I've had days where I totally blew it. Like today when I got a Grande Mocha, non-fat milk, with whipped cream. Blew my fat and calorie count sky high. Eeeeek.)

So how do I get more protein? I can't do a lot of nuts due to food allergies. Migraines, body aches, etc. I guess I'll be researching that!

Anyway. I'm a little bummed about this, but not giving up. I'm looking at it this way:

a) I've had the portion sizes under control for most of the last 10 months, I can do it again. I just need to be a wee bit more vigilant right now.

b) I practically eliminated fast food from my diet, and when I do hit the drive through, I'm getting salads, etc.

c) I've conquered my cravings for tomato. A seriously big deal for me! It could almost have been called an addiction, and something I've struggled with for years. Yet the BodyRev helped me with that. Because I felt GOOD when I revved, and somehow that made me want to skip the tomato because as good as it tastes, it makes me feel BAD. And I think I was confusing my cravings for tomato with a need/desire for WATER. [Thank you Alden!!!]

Focusing now on getting the right balance of proteins, carbs, fats, calories, etc, is simply the next step. It's something I'd've had to do anyway!

So to everyone out there that's REVing, or working on any other type of exercise or eating or self-improvement plan, I'm sitting here cheering you on! I know it's hard. Some days it just plain sucks. But it is worth it. Keep it up, and I'll keep it up too. Deal?

Puppy Love

No, this isn't about my little sister and her recent crush on a boy at school and the subsequent let down when he turned out to be not-as-nice-as-she-thought. Although I could write paragraphs on that...

This is about me. And these darn maternal urges I get. Oh, they aren't for babies of my own making, I have no desire for one of those. Rather, I get these occasional urges for a new furbaby. I'm usually stronger than they are, but yesterday was another story.

I almost stole someone's puppy. [hanging head in shame]

I was doing the responsible homeowner thing after work yesterday, trying to salvage my lawn from a combination of extreme heat, lack of moisture and what just might be quackgrass. The yard doesn't appear to be irregular shaped, but I'm having a heck of a time getting a sprinkler that covers the whole front lawn (same prob in the back.) Maybe it's just my OCD coming through. I just stand there forever studying the water pattern and making minute sprinkler placement adjustments. But I digress.

During one of my "inspections" I saw something move out of the corner of my eye at the rental home 2 doors down. A cursory glance made me go "Oh, a Dachsund, and a weird looking one." A few minutes later I saw it approaching my front gate, and lo and behold, it wasn't a Dachsund. It was the cutest puppy I have EVER seen. I'm not kidding. Talk about melting my heart. Of course, I was through the gate in a flash, picking it up and cuddling it. She is a Boxer puppy. Now, I think Boxers are pretty good looking dogs, a bit big for my taste, but nice dogs. But this puppy was just something else! She belongs apparently to the homeowner 2 doors down. The ones renting to the "Punks Not Dead" people. She was cleaning out the house...they've either been evicted or skipped out. Surprise. Hah.

Anyway. They have a grown male Boxer that I've seen before. He was actually tied up since they had the gate open and he kept running off. He kept popping out of the yard as far as he could, whining at me, going back in the yard, whining at the house, coming back out, etc. Not sure if he wanted luvs too or was worried about the puppy. Sat out there for at least 10 minutes before I grudgingly took her home. Mostly because the other dog wouldn't stop whining.

I took her back down there, petted the older dog, and put her in the yard. Halfway back to my house I realized she was following me home...Just as I picked her up a woman came out of the backyard and looked shocked as heck to see me holding her puppy. She almost jumped the fence to get to us. LOL. I started sputtering "She's so cute. She came down to my gate and I couldn't resist she's so adorable. I brought her back but she started to follow me..." That woman almost wrenched the puppy from my arms. [g] Not very sociable at all. Didn't chat or introduce herself or anything. Probably thinks I'm a dognapper...Which I very nearly was.

To make this long post longer, I got to work today still wanting that puppy. So I researched Boxers. They are NOT the breed for me. Smart. Energetic. Stubborn. [My god, I already have one of those!] What I need is a stupid, lazy dog. [g] Boxers apparently require lots of love and attention [not a problem] but also need tons of exercise. That's a big problem, even with me exercising and REVing now. So. Everyone repeat after me:

You do NOT need a puppy.
You do NOT WANT a puppy.
You do NOT WANT A BOXER DOG.

I have Girl Feet

Seriously. I have girly feet today! My toenails are red, white and blue, in honor of the 4th of July. The last time I painted my toe nails was...last 4th of July. Oh the horror on MB's, JT's and my little sis's faces when I admitted I'd never painted my toenails. Well, really. This girl stuff is alien to me! I was tomboyish when young, and then more interested in reading later on. My poor mother...neither of her daughters were very girly...

But, as my sister recently told our mother, there is no need to worry. Mom's genes merely skipped a generation. They are alive and well in my sister's little girl. ;) She is such an adorable little princess, and is really into all this girlstuff, even at 3.5 years old. Talking to my sister this weekend was funny. My niece is in ballet classes, and on father's day they put on a recital in an auditorium with stage lights and everything. Well, the parents were told to put makeup on the girls so they wouldn't look washed out. My sister had to go to the store to get some, because she (like me) doesn't wear any. LOL. Her dilemma was funny. Spend the big bucks for the nice stuff, that doesn't test on animals, etc, or just get the cheap stuff. She opted for the cheap stuff. (Two peas in a pod, we are!) My niece was ecstatic to get lipstick "oooh, lipstick, oohhh!" My sis is a little baffled as to how the little one even knows about lipstick. LOL. No siblings, she doesn't wear any...

Daycare, friends, our mother....who knows? But it's funny. As is my niece's comment when my sister got her hair cut short. "Mommy, you look like Abuela." [Abuela is Spanish for Grandmother. Our mom is from Spain.]

My poor sister. It was all I could do not to laugh on the phone when she told me this. Okay, wailed "I don't want to look like my mother! I don't want to look like I'm in my 50's!" [Considering Mom is actually in her 60's, that ain't too shabby. And she doesn't look a bit like it!] And my sister in no way looks like she's in her fifties. [g] It's just too funny...And okay, I did laugh on the phone. I couldn't help it!

Anyway. How did I get here? I was talking about my girly feet. They surprised me when I was doing my Qigong exercises this morning. Bent over and "hello! red, white & blue!" :) Why on earth does this make me feel like skipping, and grinning like I'm 5 years old? I can't stop wiggling my toes, even if they are in socks and shoes...

I'm getting old...or what I learned, part dos

I cannot believe I forgot this on my list earlier. My memory is just shot. Must be my "old age". ;)
At the end of the evening, four hours after the reception started, I called it a night. So did my little sister's family. Well, since we (MB, my little's mom, and I) had been running around for days, trading who was driving, tossing the girls back and forth throughout the day, our stuff was scattered between the cars. So while we got everything sorted out (including SB, MB's husband, who really really liked the home brewed beer that was served at the reception) KT, the 16 year old daughter, decided to run back up to the reception and use the bathroom.

We're ready to go and look around, realize she's not in the car and start asking each other, where'd KT go? Me, I'm still looking in their car, convinced she's in there. We just had so much stuff. (I swear I saw her get in, and no, I did not have any of the beer. Or any other alcohol. I was tired.) Then all of a sudden she's rushing across the lawn to us and she just has this slightly startled look on her face. Like she's part mortified, part fascinated...part sick.

Turns out that one of the other wedding guests had enjoyed the beer as well. Maybe a little too much. We'd remarked on it earlier. But she went one further than just hootin' and hollerin' to the music and toasts and dancing wildly. She was having sex with one of the other guests in the little hallway just to the side of the bathrooms. (I'm hoping it was her S.O., because I do believe she showed up with someone.) Oh, boy. I am so glad it was KT and not ST, my 11 yr old little sister, because she would have not only announced it to us in as loud a voice as possible, but she would have followed up with an hour's worth of non-stop questions. And after three days of running, multiple doses of multiple OTC meds, and a full afternoon of 96*F weather, I don't think I could have done anything other than laugh hysterically...

Things I Learned This Week

A friend of mine's father used to tuck her into bed each night by asking her what she'd learned that day. Whether it was an actual school lesson or learned on her own, big or small, he'd wait until she came up with something she'd learned that day.

I've spent the past three days helping a friend of mine get ready for her wedding. It was crazy, like usual. But here's what I've learned:

1. Coffee first thing in the morning can be a life-saver (okay, I already knew that, but refresher lessons are valuable in their own way!)
   
2. No matter what the Bride says, her wedding will be fraught with nerves and squabbles and family pressures (also a refresher, lol)
   
3. You can get 10 dozen roses at Costco for $74.99
4. Lady Visa is not accepted at Costco
5. When you're sent to Costco to buy "all the pink and white roses they have; just grab them all" the person saying that didn't mean "all". They meant 2 dozen.
6. You can have too many flowers at a wedding.
7. Pharmacists have a sense of humor.
8. I do not.
9. The right combination of Benadryl Allergy & Sinus medication, Sudafed and Afrin nasal decongestant works wonders.
10. I'm addicted to water.
11. Not many places have bathrooms open to the public.
12. People do notice when you go out of your way to help them.
13. Never dye your hair the day before your sister's wedding. Especially when you're in the wedding party.
14. Unless you're the bride, don't wear white to a wedding. (Duh.) Especially if you're the groom's sister.
15. If you're the groom's sister and wore white to the wedding, and your baby starts to cry in a big way during the ceremony, remove the child from the immediate vicinity! Or the look the bride gives you from the altar will draw blood.
16. I am now doubly convinced my goal in life is to get a little piece of Montana land, with some trees, some open space, and a little creek (pronounced crick) running through it. Oh, and there must be a hammock.

Muddled

I haven't posted because my mind has been going over and over politics lately, and it's left me muddled, to say the least. I've had brilliant thoughts on it, but never when I'm near a keyboard or pen and paper. Naturally, I can't remember any of it later on. So it's probably just delusional thinking on my part that any of it was brilliant. :)

I keep hearing about Iraq, how we're going to be there for years and years. Something I was pretty much saying before the war started, not that I'm some kind of expert. But I just couldn't see then how we'd be able to get in and out as quickly as all that, and my cynical side just assumed we'd be staying for the long-haul as we did in Europe, Japan, etc, with our bases. And the news this morning was all about how Gen. Petraeus (sp?) apparently said something this weekend about it usually taking 9-10 years for counter-insurgency operations. Of course, the idiots reporters were all over this, carrying on as if this was some kind of news break this morning. Um, okay. Where the bleep have you guys been the last few years? On the moon?

But one guy did make a comment that kinda made me sit back and go "hel-lo." Kinda put that ten years in perspective. He said something along the lines of "there are third graders at bus stops all over the US that will be fighting in Iraq in ten years." Oh, my goodness. That includes my little sister and her friends, and my 2 oldest nieces. I hadn't quite looked at it in that light before. It kind of makes it more real, somehow. Not like it wasn't real before. Just the long-term is more real. I guess I'm just used to living in the here and now, and looking ahead that many years...well. Anyway.

But it got me to thinking even more about what would work in Iraq. What would make a difference? I just don't see how anything could. The enmity and hate and intolerance in that region of the world is just so deep I can't imagine anything will help. Except for another strong leader rising to power in one faction and dominating the others. Eventually taking control of the country. And I'm not talking strong leader as we'd see in the west. To me it just seems like it would be much more ruthless than that. Another dictator. Not something I'm advocating, mind you, I just can't see how anything else can help with the level of insurgency and violence going on. How do you quell that at this point? Diplomacy sure as heck isn't going to work. It'll take that strong/ruthless leader - and the people being sick and tired of dying for nothing. Maybe I'm too pessimistic. But when I saw/see the problems Paraguay has had moving from a dictatorship to a democracy, and that's just a little nothing country, pretty darn stable, without the gazillion ethnic groups or religious groups, just struggling economically. Didn't have the violence and chaos along with the bad economy...

Would it take the two things though, that type of leader and the people being sick and tired? Or just one or the other? Admittedly, I don't know much about the fighting in Northern Ireland, but it seems to me it only started to stop when the people said Enough and the fighting groups started to have a voice/role politically....they had more of a stake in stability. But that could be a total misunderstanding on my part. [g] I'm hazy on the details. Of course, I'm also one of those people that thinks we probably had our best chance of peace between Israel and Palestine when Hamas got elected. Because they (Hamas) then had a stake other than "hey, let's just destroy Israel." There might have been a chance to make progress. Might not have been able to get them to admit right away with their "out loud voice" that Israel has a right to exist, but might have been able to get them to let Israel exist in peace. Hmmm. Maybe I'm just too naive. But to me it seemed like we didn't even try...

So. That's what I've been thinking about lately. I think I'll stop now, before I totally alienate everyone I know. [g] I wish I could turn my brain off like I can the TV. It's too muddling sometimes, and what does it matter? Ultimately I don't get to have a say in it anyway.

Agua. l'eau. Wasser. più acqua. вода.

Water, water, everywhere. This drinking 8 cups of water a day is hard. I mean, it really is. Aside from the fact that I feel like I'm going to float away any minute, now I'm having nightmares. The other night I dreamt I couldn't stop peeing. I'm laughing, I really am, because that's just too hysterically, horribly, funny...

And so far this morning I've spilled half a glass of water on myself. At work, naturally, so I can't change. As soon as I got my glass refilled and was back at my desk - BAMM! Over it went. It's been over thirty minutes since I cleaned it up, and I'm still finding wet papers. Sigh.

Of course, partly it's because I'm so flippin' tired this morning. I did not have a good night last night. It started when I put on Animal Planet because nothing else was on. It was some kind of "Animal Precinct" marathon. Normally I won't watch that because it's just too depressing. I was smart enough to switch off the channel a few minutes into "Animal Planet Heroes: Hurricane Rescues." It was too much.

So I turned to the latest book in the Star Wars saga, part of the Legacy of the Force series. Aside from my issues with what they're doing to Jacen (Han & Leia's son) which totally doesn't fit his character that was developed in the New Jedi Order series (all 20+ books of it!!!), it's a bit of a slow pace this series. I also have issues with it because they're making Luke out to be less than he is. Sigh. I've been partly in love with Luke Skywalker since I was 5. [Probably why I'm still single, lol. Odds are I'm not going to find a light-saber swinging, saving the world Jedi-Master in this universe.]

But there I was, starting to get into the book and grudgingly accept what they're doing, when BAMM! [I'm getting addicted to BAMM-ing today, I think. Just like my over-use of exclamation points!!!!] Where was I. Oh, BAMM! they killed off a major character. One of my favorites. Now, I'm not going to say who, just in case someone out there reading this is reading these books too. I'll just say that it wasn't Luke, Leia or Han. But everyone else is fair game.

And that was it for me. Sobbing doesn't even begin to cover it. I guess I was emotionally raw yesterday. Started with the post on the BB about Bonnie losing her Dad, and I kept thinking of Grandma all day, and then the shows on Animal Planet and then the book...So I cried myself into a sinus headache, and finally fell asleep. Naturally, the damn dog couldn't be induced to cuddle. No sireee. All she wanted to do was go outside and bark at the air. Sniff. [But at 5 am this morning I was supposed to get up and feed her. I don't think so.]

So now I'm not sure I want to read the rest of this series. As much as I love SW and really like the books (at least the ones set after Return of the Jedi) I don't think I can handle losing another character. I know, I know, these aren't romances, and they can't fight in as many wars as they have without people dying, and the darker aspects are why I like these books, but really. This is the THIRD major character that's died. I'm terrified they're going to kill Luke. And I don't think I could handle that AT ALL. [Take my SW seriously, don't I?]

And, naturally, I had nightmares all night long. About hurricanes and hurt animals and water, water everywhere! Thank goodness my alarm went off when it did.

Sometimes I just wanna hit somebody...

Arghhhh. I've been planning my 4th of July Party since last year. Because the city I live in launches the fireworks - literally - over my house. It's the most amazing fireworks display I've seen since the ones on base in Germany. And since I'll be up all night anyway, why not have the party at my place? So I told everyone last year, and have invited everyone for this year (in the process, not everyone has their invites yet.) My so-called best friend, who just had her annual party last Saturday, announced to me this past Monday that she's having a party on the 4th. When I said, "hey, it's at my place this year, remember?" She went "oh, I forgot." Well, she's still planning on having the party! Even though our set of friends overlaps, and as my best friend, I really wanted her to come to my party...

So today I approached her and asked if she wouldn't mind postponing her party until later this summer, maybe Labor Day weekend? Since she just had a party, and I've been planning mine since last year...To which she responded "But I've already invited people." Umm, so have I. So she said she would but only if she could invite her people to my party. Duh. It's the same freakin' group of friends! And then she says "what are you serving?" Naturally, it being the 4th and all, I'm serving hamburgers and hot dogs. She goes "Oh, no, I was going to roast a pig's rump." I said she could bring her own grill and do that, but we're having hamburgers and hot dogs. She goes "The pig rump will feed everyone." To which I said "Remember, I don't like pig, and this is the 4th of July." So we're having burgers and dogs.

She's going to be cranky about this. She's probably going to hold her own party anyway, or try to commandeer mine. And I'm really tempted to tell her to go take a flying leap...Sigh.

It's not like she's being really friendly lately anyway. I came to her party even though she barely spoke to me for weeks beforehand, STILL hasn't asked me how I'm doing with Grandma's death (and reading about Bonnie's dad on the BB had me in tears in seconds, so I guess I'm not doing so good!) and didn't say hello to me when I got there. Seriously. Just frowned at me when I told her I'd also brought a bag of ice and put it in the freezer since I didn't know where the drinks were going. She was pissed I'd done that. Hello???? I just don't get it. But she was all smiles and sunshine for everyone else. She didn't even say 2 words to me during the party. Bizarre...her stepmom was very surprised. See, it's not just me. Someone else noticed.

But I didn't mean to get all of topic. I'm having a party on the 4th, I stood up for myself and, not unreasonably I think, quite nicely asked if she could switch her party date.

Found a new recipe on SparkRecipes.com. Crock Pot Lemon Chicken. Okay, I baked it in a corningware dish, used 2 limes instead of lemons, 1 cup of chicken broth using a bouillon cube and I cut up 2 small potatoes and baked them in with the chicken. Also didn't put in the garlic (migraines 'r us, that stuff). It was de-li-cious. :) A little too much Italian Seasoning, but it was easy to make and easy to eat. Gonna keep that one on my list!

I also got in 40 minutes of QiGong last night in addition to completing Abs #1 in the morning. Hurt like heck today (shouldn't have moved the washer & dryer alone on Sunday) but it's a good day to be me. :) And I'm halfway to my 8 glasses of water today.

I'm b-a-a-a-c-k....

Finally. Didn't realize it had been so long since I'd posted. Last week was unusually busy for me. At work and after. :) That and my usual laziness kicked in. And my obsessive compulsive tendencies. Really got into the SparkPeople group one of the ladies on the BB set up for the Revvers. See, you get these points, and well, I really went all out to get points. LOL. Stop the madness! I think I'm okay now.

So this weekend was interesting. Started it off by spending a couple more hours at my little sister's working on the veggie garden. We got in 4 types of cucumber (one of them lemon cucumbers, can't wait to try those!), carrots - purple, yellow, red, white and the normal orange, celery, and a gazillion potatoes. The fence also got up. At least, half of it. But all the posts are in, and we didn't have to do it. Michelle "bribed" a couple of the young guys that work for her. Amazing what the promise of a home-cooked meal and 20 bucks will get a guy to do. ;) MOOG.

Saturday was a friend's big party: The Pig Roast. It was fun. Except at one point, toward the end of the evening, I found myself sitting in front of the firepit watching the "flame master" attempt to get the fire going (smoked me out eventually), sandwhiched between a biker and a hobo. And I'm not just saying that. He is/was a hobo. Although he doesn't do much train hopping anymore since he lost one of his legs a few years back. But his stories were fascinating. He goes by the name Frog. It was a weird evening though. Another of those "stranger in a strange land" moments. Eventually I was all peopled out and couldn't take the smoke. So I left.

Sunday I reorganized the laundry room. In the middle of moving the washing machine & dryer - by myself - I said a few thank-you's to the BodyRev and Alden. [g] It sure made the task easier. Not that I'm all miss body-builder or anything. But at least I could get the job done.

So. I'm also back in another respect. I'm back into REVing. Here are my minimum goals for this week:

3x Abs #1
1x each Arms, Cardio, Legs

I want to be doing 30 minutes a day by this time next week. To get back to where I was. I'm currently fluctuating between 160 and 165, and am determined to not only keep that 25 lbs OFF, but to lose the next 20 lbs. :)

For those of you not aware, last August I started using the BodyRev to work out. It's been amazing! I love how easily it fits into my schedule, and the fact that each 15 minute workout actually makes me feel I'm working the whole body is thrilling to me. And if I sound like an infomercial, well, okay. 'Cause I say run - don't walk - (hah, hah) to get your BodyRev. It's not just the weight-loss though. As I was telling my little sister, I love how I feel. I feel mentally more here, alert, happy, etc. I actually want to get out and do stuff. I don't just think about it, I do it. At the beginning, my coworkers were full of praise for the "new" me. I was happier at work, less "snippy" (heh, probably because I started sleeping better. Amazing how that affects ones mood!), got more accomplished, and so on. Now they're just used to the new me. I'm not, though. Sometimes when I look around at all I've been able to accomplish because I'm feeling better, and looking better (lost lbs, more toned - although I've got a ways to go!), it astonishes me. I never thought I'd be able to get myself going again. I'm starting to feel more like that person I was in the Peace Corps, right around the time I came back...

Anyway. Didn't mean to ramble on. I'm just happy, and excited to be back on track. Thanks to the Ladies on the BB and Alden for his posts inspiring us all!

Stranger in a Strange Land

Mouse - 4, Me - 0. The battle continues.

Normally I try to stay in my own little world, happily populated with the people I know and love. It's a strange little world I've been told, as I usually prefer to be alone. It's not traditional or untraditional, conformist or non-conformist, but it works well for me. My little sister's step-dad once described me as "An educated redneck." Which makes me laugh. A lot. I'll let others be the judge of that!

A few times a year I get pulled out of this comfy little world I'm in and end up a stranger in a strange land. It happened again this past weekend and yesterday afternoon.

Last Saturday evening was the bridal shower for my friend JT (soon to be JD). It was a nice party, quite fun. And we did the usual bridal shower games. The word unscramble, dress the bride in a toilet paper gown...One of the games gave each person points if they had a particular item in their purse. Okay. I had my purse with me. So did the others. (Except my little sister's mom, MB.) So I'm sitting there as they call out the items getting no points. And these other women are racking them up. Everyone's laughing and someone asked me what I have in my purse. So I tell them "Uh, keys. Sunglasses. Drivers's License. Check book. Credit Card. Swiss Army Knife. Butterscotches." You know. The necessary items. LOL. Needless to say, the knife was NOT on their list.

But as I'm sitting there watching them pull item after item from their purses, I felt that disconnect again. That observing-another-culture feeling. It's quite bizarre when you're sitting there among contemporaries. I always get it when my world and the world of suburbia connect. I don't mind it, it makes me extremely grateful that it's not my world. Because every brush with it gives me this cloying, sick feeling. Like I'm about to be sucked under for the last time.

This time, though, I wasn't alone. I was watching MB and realizing that she too sits on the edge of that world, maybe not in the same world as mine, but on the edge as well. She had a quizzical look on her face as she observed everyone and took pictures. I imagine it's the same look I get. Like you're looking at something under a microscope, studying it. She has the family, husband, home. But her job seems to have grounded her in a different reality, I guess you could say. She manages a group home for developmentally disabled adults and well, that says a lot, doesn't it?

Now, I'm not knocking a traditional or suburban lifestyle. It works for others and that's fabulous. It just always makes me feel a stranger in a strange land. The language is the same, but the words are different. I feel like I'm trapped inside a very large, very insulated bubble, and nothing is real. A land where the fact that I don't carry three different kinds of lipstick and a makeup bag with five different applicator brushes is horrifying. [g] I guess from the other side of the aisle, my world makes people feel like a stranger in a strange land.

My little sister's 5th Grade Graduation ceremony was yesterday afternoon. It was interesting, yet gave me the same feeling. Sitting there with all these parents beaming with pride. [Hah! Like I wasn't beaming with pride when ST got on the honor roll - 3.95 gpa!]

Sometimes, when I'm in that "bubble", I have this almost overwhelming urge to do something. Stand up. Scream. Something. Anything. I wonder, what would happen? What would people do? Would the bubble pop?

But I don't. I didn't. I enjoyed myself and then escaped. To breathe fresh air again. And return safely to my own little world.

There's a Mouse in the House

and it ain't that cute one from Disney. Sigh. I'm not sure who is more affronted, me or the dog. Me, because I really don't want to deal with this. The dog, because the mouse pooped in her food bowl. [g] Scully was NOT thrilled. But at least she didn't try to roll in it. We must have looked a sight, the two of us. Me, freshly woken up, hair sticking up everywhere, glasses on crooked, hands on hips, staring down into her food bowl. And the dog, standing next to me, head down, staring into her food bowl.

I thought we had a visitor a few months ago when we got that first batch of nice weather. One Saturday afternoon I left the back door open for the dog so she could wander in and out at will. Early Sunday morning she woke me up whining in the laundry room/sun porch. This was not her "I want out" whine. Oh, no. It was the "mommy, save me, I'm being brave but there's something in the house I don't recognize" whine. When I got to her, she was doing that lunge forward/jump back thing she does when she's afraid but doesn't want to show it. [Mom, you might remember that from the time your feather duster almost gave her cardiac arrest!] Anyway. I could not figure out what it was. Her attention definitely centered around the "closet" in the laundry room/sunporch, but I couldn't find anything. And she stopped paying attention shortly after I got there. I surmised that is was just another ploy to get me out of bed. Sigh.

I guess I was wrong! However, this is the first sign I've seen of the mouse. Nothing in the cupboards or cabinets or laundry room closet. (I've sorted it out several times since then.) And I've been keeping an eye out for it...so maybe it's a new visitor.

The dilemma now is: use the live trap and set it free somewhere, or use a trap that kills it and be faced with a dead rodent I must dispose of. I really don't like killing live beings. Well, unless it's a spider and it's in my house. My new-agey self just can't cross that hurdle yet. I'm probably accruing all sorts of bad spider karma. But I don't know about walking around with a live mouse either. Knowing my luck, it's probably a rat. I thought about borrowing someone's cat for the weekend. You know. A really good mouser. Unfortunately, I'd probably just end up with mouse parts on my living room floor. Or my bed. Which reminds me of a former coworker who woke up one night to find the cat lying on top of his wife (my coworker's, not the cat's), contentedly munching on a mouse. Oh, the horror!

[All you non-city folk can stop laughing at me now.]