Powerful Books

Sitrep: 1x 15 minute walk

A topic I've been thinking on for awhile is what gets people started reading, and what keeps them reading? Why do we keep coming back for more? For me, I seem to get some kind of emotional connection or satisfaction when I read. Maybe it has to do with my earliest memories of books, all of them wrapped up in family, if you think about it:

- Dad holding and reading to me
- My 6th or 7th birthday where Mom & Dad got me the first 5 books in the Bobbsey Twin series
- Dad coming home from work with another book for me
- Mom reading to us kids
- Mom getting us our bilingual (English/Spanish) Fairy Tale books (the Ugly Duckling was my favorite!)
- Family trips to the library
- Endless summer days bicycling to the library with a sibling or friend or by myself when I was older
- My sister and I reading late into the night, with our secret code of knocking on the walls to indicate “meet in the hallway” (to share a good/funny part) or “going to bed” or “finished book”
- Sneaking books into church to tuck into the Missalette so I could read during Mass (until my brother tried this and got caught…that was the end of sitting in the balcony on our own!)

We joke, my sister and I, that the best presents for us growing up were books. Mom despaired, I think, of her two daughters that wanted books over clothes or makeup. When we unwrapped the book, we’d squeal, caress the cover, open it to the inside flap and read the blurb, no matter how many times we’d already read it before, finish the back inside flap, then gently close the book, caress the back, and regretfully, softly, place it on the floor next to us to continue with the Christmas festivities. [g]

But as much as these memories make me smile, I got a reminder yesterday of other ways that books have affected my life. Stronger, and not as “nice” ways depending on your point of view. Ways that have made me uncomfortable about who I am, what I believe, my perceptions of the world around me.

A friend asked me to look up a Saint for her, Saint Dymphna. I thought it was made up, but was wrong. Dymphna is the patron saint for the mentally disabled. Appropriate, because that’s the field my friend works in. She wanted to know the reason/backstory for this Saint. So I got to rooting around online, and going through a list of Saints and the Beatified and those on track to become Saints in the Catholic Church, I came upon the three children of Fatima. I’ve always been fascinated by that story, from an early age. Maybe because we lived in the Terceira Islands, maybe because Mom’s from Spain, who knows. But it’s always fascinated me.

I distinctly remember reading a book about the Miracle of Fatima, a sort of biography of what happened and the three children. I was drawn to the second girl, the youngest of the three at 10, Jacinta. She died quite young, in the hospital. One of her greatest wishes was to receive the sacrament of the Holy Communion. Yet the priests denied her because she was too young. Even on her death bed, when she begged, they denied her that and the Sacrament of the Last Rites. And she died that night.

Being near /the same age as her, I was horrified, terrified. Here was this pious little girl, trying to the best of her ability (and from what I read now succeeding at) being good and following the dictates of the church, and they wouldn’t let her have First Communion. I think that was the beginning of my disillusionment with the Catholic Church, and perhaps organized religion in general. Even in my “religious” years in high school/beginning of college, there was that seed of doubt. Maybe that’s why I was (still am) curious about other faiths, religions, ways of believing. Who knows. I think it was also the beginning of my sense of injustice in the world, that things don't always have a nice tidy ending, things don't always work out. It probably didn't help that within a few years I'd read the Diary of Anne Frank.

Anyway. It just reminded me that as much as I focus on the fun of reading, I don't think too much about the ways books have helped me to grow, have challenged me, and have stretched my horizons.

Just because you're paranoid...

Sitrep: Same old, same old...

So I've been puzzling over my unsettled feelings on our current president and congress, and the laws being passed, etc. I've come to the "conclusion" that while I might be a little paranoid, there is some basis in our past history to back my uneasiness.

Being a history buff, I seemed to remember reading/learning somewhere that our government has restricted our freedoms of speech, etc., with at least one Sedition Act, so I did some digging around. The one I was thinking of was in 1918, during WWI. Yet there are two very big instances in our country's history that curtailed some of our basic constitutionally guaranteed rights:

1. Alien & Sedition Acts of 1798: read this and this
   
2. U.S. Sedition Act of 1918: read this and this

The first one, from what I read up on today, was politically motivated to restrict one party from being able to accomplish anything in an election year. (Gee, things haven't changed that much have they???). The second one seems to me to be more fear and hysteria driven. (Sound familiar???), and lead me eventually to the Smith Act of 1940, which has more to do with groups that advocate for the violent overthrow of government, and which I'll have to read up on. Eventually I ended up at a page that has what I can only call a Motherlode of Links on the First Amendment. (This is gonna take up my weekend, and how!)

I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that yes, the Constitution is the basis for our country and law. But it's implemented and enforced by people who have their own political, religious, moral, and/or personal drivers. And that the system of checks and balances deliberately built-in to our form of government is very important.

In these cases above, eventually, that system seems to have worked. It makes me wonder if it will work now to stop the growth of federal power; the Executive Branch in particular.

Here are a couple of other links that I found interesting: Sedition (definition, of sorts) Freedom of Speech (brief history of)

Whirlwind Weekend

Sitrep: Nothing.
Goal (2/25-3/2): Fifteen minutes of some type of activity daily.

I'm amazed my post from last Friday is as clear as it is. I wrote it in a frenzy of thinking and while in the grip of some type of funky sinus/stress/migraine? headache...Coffee made it worse...migraine meds had no effect...ibuprofen and sudafed helped mildly...

Then I went and had my taxes done. That was fun. But at least it's done and filed, and I'm getting enough money back to pay a few bills and pre-pay for a year's worth of lawn maintenance (fertilizer & weed control) along with a core aeration, and leave me some money left over to sock away in savings. Whoo-hooo! Hopefully this year, with my witholding change in effect for a whole year instead of just half a year, I won't get as much money back. Sounds bizarre, I know, but why lend the government my money interest free? I'd rather put it in a money market account. I think I'm disciplined enough to do that now.

This weekend was crazy busy. I need a day off to recover. Saturday our soon to be retired boss had a party at his house for the staff. It was a lot of fun. I went over a few hours early to a) bathe his late wife's dog (that's a post for another day) and b) to get his new printer/scanner set up for him. Only accomplished the first before everyone else showed up. The party started around 2:30pm, and ended around 8:30 pm. It was a lot of fun, and definitely the most relaxed I've ever seen my current boss. Okay, he was pretty lit. It was hilarious. My new boss makes a pretty mean margarita. I had to stop after two. My head was starting to spin. Yes, I'm a light weight...But everyone else even said they were strong. And, okay, I was drinking out of a large plastic cup instead of a margarita or wine glass, so I suspect I was getting more than I planned...

Our office now has a strong contingent with ties to Butte. Which explains the Margaritas. Around here, Butte is known as the party town. If there's a celebration going on, it's gonna be in Butte, and it's gonna be a week long, minimum. :) You know it's gonna be a long day when an hour into the party the (new) boss says "Call J (our accountant/HR person) and tell her since she's last to arrive, she has to stop at the liquor store on the way here and get 2 more bottles of margarita mix. And tequila." And his wife hollers from the living room, "You might want to make that 4!"

Let's just say a fun time was had by all. I was in bed by 9pm. Didn't get up until 10am.

Yesterday my little's mom & stepdad came back from Great Falls. He seems pretty chipper since the back surgery. Of course, the pain meds might have something to do with that. Although he and Michelle can definitely use the space from each other. lol. That week in one hospital room was tough, apparently. Especially the last 2 days. They had a huge blow up yesterday at their house; over a t-shirt from what I gathered. It was hard not to a) over hear, and b) laugh out loud, because it was the silliest argument I've heard in a long time. Stressed the girls a bit though, so I had them go into one of their bedrooms on the other side of the house. I'd brought some groceries with me, and made a chicken pot pie for dinner for them...it was edible, even if I do say so myself. ;) Thank you to my SIL who reminded me of this recipe when I visited them last December. I gave her the recipe originally, and then forgot about it myself...How sad. Then my little sister made chewy chocolate cookies with Reese's peanut butter chips...I "helped", mostly by eating the dough when her back was turned. Heh. Then I went home, talked to my folks, and crawled into bed.

I'm a pathetic sad sack. I have got to get exercising again. I feel better, eat better, and am just all around better when I do. My goal this week is to do fifteen minutes of activity each day. I don't care what as long I get moving.

Meee-owww

Sitrep: Sluggish beyond belief. Lack of motivation.

So. There's still a brouhaha going on the bulletin board, and today it really descended into cattiness. Sigh. Why do we have to do this to each other? I've noticed it really seems to happen with just a few posters, and I have done my fair share of wallowing in the mud with certain other posters.

It's just so hard to refrain, you know? As I said to one of my BB friends, when she called me and told me not to respond to one post (this was weeks ago, and has nothing to do with the current squabble), I really felt like replying with this:

Bad of me, I know. What can I say?

Good part of the day is that I got to have a nice little side conversation with Cranky Otter about the government's use of "In God We Trust" on official documentation. Okay, really, it was CO talking with someone else, I just got the benefit of "listening" in. It was great. Just the kind of stuff I love to talk about, but can seldom find anyone else who wants to.

It's interesting the views people have. I remember one discussion I had on the BB with someone who did not feel that there was any religious discrimination in the U.S., or that anyone not a Christian in this country is ever made to feel inferior or opressed. Really? I have. She came back with a "No You Haven't" post. Which really made my blood boil. [g] It might not seem like much, but when I get a work email from someone in an organization we do business with, and it is signed "God Bless You" and I get in trouble for having as part of my email signature "Blessed Be" or "May the Goddess Bless You". How is the one acceptable and the other not? That is a form of opression, a way of making someone feel inferior.

And I had another, brief, go round with someone on the BB this week who doesn't believe there is any opression in the U.S. (I'm thinking it's the same person as before, but am not totally sure.) I want to respond to her post, and ask her what her definition of opression is. From what I read, it seemed to me that as long as a person is free to leave the country, then they aren't opressed. I'm probably interpreting the posts wrong, but that's what I got from it. Which really - scares - me in some respects. Because if one person seriously believes this, then there are probably many more that do.

For one thing, I don't believe leaving the country is all that easy any more. At least, not legally...(her responding post seemed to me to suggest people leave illegally. Which is funny, if you think about it, because so many in this country are up in arms over those coming here illegally.) For another, there really is opression going on in this country. Just look at the struggle for gays/lesbians to have equal protections and rights under the law. To not be treated as second class citizens. Look at the prejudices and discriminations that African Americans still face. Yes, it's come a long way since the 60's. But it's still there. And until I moved West, I didn't realize the types of discrimination and prejudice faced by Native Americans. I could go on and on...

I guess I just have this sensation that's been building since 9/11 that we are on the precipiece of some really scary restrictions when it comes to our freedoms to live our lives like we have been.

I used to believe our government wouldn't harm us. That we needed more federal government than state government. Now it frightens me that the individual states' rights are more and more getting swallowed up or over-ridden by the feds.

I really don't like this uneasy, queasy feeling. I don't know. Maybe I'm just paranoid...like my friend who's stockpiling supplies for when the government collapses...

Define: Angst

Sitrep: Can you guess?

A kind of fear or anxiety; Angst is German for “fear.” It is usually applied to a deep and essentially philosophical anxiety about the world in general or personal freedom. *

Basically, that's been my kind of day today. Filled with Angst.

It started with Steve (little's stepdad) going in for his back operation this morning. Started at 8:30am, out at 1:30pm. He's now out of recovery and doing well, from the text I got from Michelle.

And continued with the BB. Ah, the joys of the BB. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Why do I read the posts when I know they're going to upset me? Why do I read the posts in potentially upsetting threads by people whose posts I know are going to upset me. It's like being in the room and watching mother and daughter have an emotional, verbal knock-down-drag-out battle. Emotionally draining. I just get so frustrated when I witness stuff like this. Someone being "attacked" because they posted a differing viewpoint. I'm sure I've done it before; I try not to as a general rule. But I'm not perfect. I just hate what I see as the typical knee-jerk reaction of isolationist Americans. (In my viewpoint, anyway). It's the type of angry reaction that's rhetoric filled, builds a wall, fosters hate.

This has been the kind of day that drives me to eat poorly...and since I happen to have several boxes of Girl Scout cookies on my desk - this is not a good thing. So in my effort to not eat a box of Thin Mints in the course of one 8 hour work day, I've devoured my finger nails. Sigh. And they were looking so pretty, too. I haven't chewed them since January 1st. That's almost 2 whole months.

Okay. So I've vented plenty on bad stuff. Now I'm going to vent on good stuff. :)

1) Got to see my little sister this morning because I drove her to school. Sshe's staying at her dad's a few blocks from my house, and her school is right by my work so she's catching a ride in to town with me.

2) I get to see my little sister every morning the rest of this week because I'm driving her to school.

3) I got to see a litter of newborn labrador puppies at lunch and got to bottle feed one of the pups. :) There's something about the smell and feel of newborn and weeks old puppies that's so relaxing. One of our vendors takes their dog to work, and she had her litter overnight. So I stopped by during lunch. There was a steady stream of people stopping by to see them. :) The Mama Dog is doing great. She had 10 puppies; her first litter! Six boys, four girls. And they are all healthy looking and very noisy. But oh, so sweet. I held a couple of them. Got to bottle feed one, as they are rotating them on/off the mother. I guess she can only feed so many at a time, so they're supplementing with formula.

4) My new boss' daughter just stopped by with their two new puppies. Chocolate brown Cocker Spaniels, 2.5 months old.

Ahhh. Now that's the way to end a day. I'm all smiley and happy feeling now. I just have to keep thinking about those puppies, that's all.

And hope to heaven that my dog doesn't get too bent out of shape when I get home tonight. ;) I've cheated on her with 13 other dogs today! Soon to be 14, as my coworkers Great Dane is outside in her car, waiting to go out to O'Toole's tonight. ;)

*"angst." The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2005. 20 Feb. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/angst.

Too Close to the Edge

Sitrep: Back to Zero. Just got my Girl Scout Cookie order. Why did I order so many? What was I thinking?????

So this weekend I spent quite a bit of time with my little sister's family. Her stepdad has had back problems for years. Several weeks back he "tweaked" it somehow, and it just hasn't been getting better. He has to have four vertebrae fused, which is happening tomorrow. Unfortunately, this puts him out of work for at least 3 months. And, naturally, his employer doesn't provide disability insurance, so he won't be getting any pay. In addition, he can't go back to his job (one he's been doing for pretty much the same employer for 30 years) because of the heavy lifting involved.

So he's basically been laid off for medical reasons. And starting March 1st, they are switching him to his wife's medical insurance plan (they work for the same company) so he will still have insurance. Only she has to pay the premium for him, which is an additional $360 per month. It sucks, big time.

My little's mom was freaking out. Which I can totally understand. They're losing half their monthly income. They were barely keeping their heads above water as it was. They weren't exactly the best with their finances, but they weren't that bad either. Most of their existing debt is medically related. It's amazing how fast medical bills add up even when you have insurance.

But there's just no way they can pay anything on any of their debt with just her income (and she's already working 2 jobs; one full, one part-time). It's barely going to cover basic necessities as it is. And just forget about any of the new medical bills because of the back surgery and rehab. I highly doubt insurance will cover it all. It really sucks. They've pretty much decided they'll have to declare bankruptcy once those bills come in. Because it's a minimum of 3 months until he's supposed to be back on his feet, and then he'll have to be retrained, etc, and find another job. Doesn't look like he can get unemployment because he isn't able to work (one of the exclusions listed) and it takes 6 months (per the SSA) to get SS disability. Which he qualifies for, from what we researched, but we've all heard that you get turned down the first time, no matter what.

It just makes me wonder how many of us are that close to the edge. I'd always realized intellectually how most people (myself included) are one or two paychecks away from disaster. I guess I didn't realize exactly what that meant. The reality of it. Now granted, they could have managed their money much better than they have. But they haven't been doing that bad in the grand scheme of things. It's pretty scary when you think about it.

Romantic Couples

Sitrep: 1x PPU, 15 min Snow Shoveling

Happy Valentine's Day!

I dedicat today to my love of chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.

Has there ever been a better love/hate relationship? :)

The first forty-four days of this year I've been in a reading slump, of sorts. After spending quite a bit of time delving in the world of the romantic classics with Masterpiece Theater's "Jane Austen" series, and the 2005 version of "Jane Eyre", I decided to go back and re-read some of my old favorites in the classics section of my personal library.

The last few days it's been "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte. It's one of my favorites, but not for the usual reasons. The volume I have is worn, you can tell it's been read alot. And seemingly, I always start it from the same point: the scene where Isabella flees Heathcliff and makes her dramatic appearance at the Grange, shortly after Catherine died. I start there and read to the end. The tale of what happens after, the relationship/romance between Cathy (the daughter) and Hareton (Catherine's nephew) is so little written about in the book, yet seems sweeter to me and more wonderful than that between Catherine & Heathcliff.

Frankly, I do wonder at why people love the romance between those two so much. Why they are such a celebrated pair of star-crossed lovers. I found them to be two very unlikeable characters. Their love was obsessive, selfish, destructive. Very much like the fiber of who they were. I felt no pity for them; they brought their destruction upon themselves. I just couldn't and can't picture Heathcliff as a hero. He was mean, vindictive, possessive...no redeeming qualities about him, from my viewpoint. He and Catherine were wild and mad in a bad sort of way. Not sure how else to describe it. Like the worst lightning/thunderstorm I've ever been through.

Catherine was spoiled and selfish...willful, tempermental. She wanted to marry the rich man so she could be "lady of the manor", but still tie Heathcliff to her side. She was selfish to the end; not seeing how she brought about her own destruction, and that of her husband and sister-in-law. Heathcliff let his bitterness focus his life; the whole revenge on those that "did him wrong" was his sole reason for living, even before Catherine died.

I just find it hard to understand why people characterize this as romantic or a romance. I suppose they might seem romantic, if you only ever watch the old Merle Oberon/Laurence Olivier version, which leapfrogs from Catherine's death (which occurs only 160 +/- pages into the book!!!) to Heathcliff's death. It totally omits what happens after, which is by far the bulk of the book. And it paints them in a much nicer light, really, than the book. I can't explain why, but they are much darker figures in the book.

The book itself is a masterful piece of writing, I think. It protrays quite a section of people and life and says quite a bit about human nature and revenge and selfishness and love and the nature of love. And it's destructive power. It's a wonderful trip into madness and despair and destruction, that actually ends on a whiff of lightness and air...

Maybe that's why I like it so much.

'A Rose By Any Other Name'

Sitrep: 1x PPU (10 regular, 10 wide, 10 close)

Would definitely smell as sweet...and probably be just as darn prickly.

We had an interesting staff meeting today. Got to discuss the potential first name of our accountants pending grandchild: Atley. She is sooo not thrilled with that. Still insists no grandchild of hers will be called Atley.

Our new Exec just got not one, but two, new puppies. Chocolate brown cocker spaniels. Brothers from the same litter. The puppy was a Valentine's Day present to his wife. (They lost their dog last year, and she has been wanting another one. ) Unfortunately for him (fortunately for the 2nd puppy) he took his daughter with him to pick up the dog. That's how they ended up with the second one. Do men never learn? Really. I don't care if she is in her first year in college. How could he not know she'd insist on getting the other puppy? It was the last one left....

So our weekly staff meeting ended with trying to name a) the grandchild and b) the two puppies.

For the grandkid, we came up with Dean Atley. The reverse of what the parents want, but hey, it's a compromise. And at least the poor kid wouldn't go through school being called Atley! Grandma is still on the "no" bandwagon to using Atley at all. I rather like "Seth" myself.

The dogs, I think, are going to end up Marco & Polo. And now you all can have those dratted names echoing in your heads, like they have been in mine: Maaaarcooooo..............Pooollloooo!

There Are Signs Everywhere

And if you follow them, you won't get lost. Maybe. If they're in your own language.

There were plenty this morning. I woke up at 3 am and couldn't sleep. It'd been 6 hours since I took the capsule form of Ny.quil (no hallucinations, yay!), but didn't want to take the daytime version for fear it would prevent me from eventually falling asleep again. So I listened to an interesting program on the history channel about the "underground" used by the "enemy" during the Viet Nam war. This really huge cave that was a military base, for all intents and purposes. And in comparison to their South Vietnamese couterparts who lived on bases with AC and swimming pools. Huh. No wonder they won. Much more motivated... (Yes I know that's an oversimplification.)

My alarm went off at 6:45 am, later than I normally get up, and my legs were so heavy and achy when I got out of bed. That was sign number two. But hey, it's just the meds, this is really just a head cold, so I sucked it up and came to work.

Signs number three, four, five and six occured when I walked into the office, took off my hat, coat, gloves, boots, etc, and walked back to where my coworkers were gathered. Night utilities didn't run so we had to run it this morning (40 minutes of downtime), no one had made coffee yet, the "slacker" called in sick becuase of her "cold" (puh-lease, she sneezed maybe 2x yesterday!!!!) , and my coworkers started laughing at their first sight of me...

That is really just too much. I thought I had mascara on my cheeks, or my shirt on backwards/inside out, my zipper undone, something. But no. They just said I looked like I felt like "crap" and that my hair was...weird. Not how I usually wear it. I still can't tell what they're talking about. But really. When your coworkers laugh at your appearance upon arrival at work...

I think that sign is saying GO HOME

Is it Saturday Yet?

I'm on my second dose of liquid Dayq.uil since 8am. (I usually stay away from the stuff. Nyq.uil makes me hallucinate. The day stuff is just a step behind that.)

Ran out of Klee.nex by 10am, reducing me to using toilet paper. (Had to steal a roll of TP from the bathroom. Shhhh. No one turn me in, please.)

Santa can use me to lead his sleigh, my nose is so raw it's glowing red.

Every lotion I have makes my nose burn, even the stuff supposedly for this very thing.

Oh, and I did Abs Essentials Intermediate last night.

Tonight I'm going home and curling up on the sofa and watching Jane Eyre again. Too bad I no longer have a VCR. It would be a pefect evening for Colin Firth as Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice.

Note to self: Add P&P to your wish list on Amazon...

And every time I scan this post, my eyes substitute "Satan" for "Santa". Repeat after me: step away from the Dayq.uil...

The "Alpine Glow"

Sitrep: 3x Thought about Reving, 2x Thought About doing PPU

Driving into work this morning was beautiful. It's starting to get light out now just around the time I get up. By the time I head for work, it's that lovely gray turning white light.

I go West to get to town; the foothills this morning had a coating of white still from all the snow, with the lovely golden brown of the grass peeking through. Like donuts lightly sprinkled with powdered sugar. Behind them loomed the mountains of the Continental Divide. A darker gray with snow, several long, strung-out layers of puffy clouds hovering above. The light from the rising sun coated the clouds and tips of the Continental Divide a glorious pink that faded down into the snow-covered sides of the mountains. They look just like someone has poured freshly melted pink syrup over the peaks and let it dribble down. Streaks of pink looked like they'd been painted across the white-blue sky. I've been told this is called the "Alpine Glow."

Whatever it's called, it's absolutely beautiful to see when it occurs. The light, the colors, the textures, the depth of the sky...Almost made me glad I was up early enough to see it. Almost!