Backward Steps

A local State Farm agent gave away free pedometers at my gym recently as part of the 50 million pound challenge. I managed to grab the last one, and used it for a couple of days. Until the novelty of it wore off and the itchiness of it attached to my waist band broke through.


But it got me to thinking. About how many steps forward I’ve taken over the last 3 years or so regarding health and weight loss and living a healthier lifestyle. And how in the last 7 months I’ve taken as many steps backwards.

I’m putting back on the weight, feeling sluggish, and eating poorly. It’s a vicious cycle. And while rock climbing is back on again, it’s hard to get us there every Tuesday and Thursday. Especially with being sick, my parents in town and doing home renovations, and what not.

I have GOT TO get my motivation back and start working out again. At the gym, and at home. Especially at home. Thanks to a good friend, I have an advance look at a new workout. Watched it, looks great. But even that I'm having a hard time getting motivated for!

Ostrich

Sitrep: Che Caique...( loosely translated from Guarani - "Without Want". No motivation!)

A lot of things lately have made me think humans are a bunch of ostriches with our heads in the sand. I read a great Thurber quote (I'm re-reading a bunch of his stuff. The "Flood" story from "My Life & Hard Times" can still make me laugh helplessly.) Anyway. I read a great Thurber quote that brought ostriches to mind (I'll post it later) and was kind of my ah-ha moment that brought together a lot of things I've been musing over the last few weeks.

1) Discovering my little's mom has been paying interest-only mortgage payments for ten years. OMG. It took a lot of doing to get her to understand why she's upside down in her house...with the girls looking on. I just wanted to shake her and yell at the girls that if I ever catch them doing something so stupid...Not once in those ten years did she add up what she'd paid, or even look at the balance remaining on her mortgage statement...

Thwump...there goes her head into the sand.

2) News story on giving cholesterol to children as young as one year old if high cholesterol/obesity runs in the family. Apparently that's considered safe. WTF? Are they serious? Geez. Both my parents have high cholesterol, yet aren't obese. I'm overweight yet my cholesterol is excellent. So instead of actually implementing programs such as incentives for parents to exercise with their kids from a young age, assistance for poorer families to buy fruits/veggies, insisting on physical education in school, nutrition classes in school (can combine into all sorts of other classes as well, like math - you use math in recipes, figuring out calories, etc). Do they actually think putting these kids on cholesterol meds as young as one years old is the right thing to do? What potential side-effects would that have!

Thwump...there go all our heads into the sand.

3) Tom's post the other day on Charlie Mike. I've read it a few times and each time I feel like I'm hearing this giant THWUMP. Me sticking my head in the sand. [g] In particular the last few days I've been focusing on his last line "what lifestyle do you want to be trapped in?" Judging by the last few weeks, one of indolence and food. [sigh] But that's not what I want to be trapped in. I used to say to myself (and others) that if only I lost 20 pounds, I'd be satisfied, I'd be healthy, etc. Well, the truth of it is that I've lost - and kept off for over a year - those 20 pounds. And I'm not satisfied. I'm happy, very much so, but it's not enough. There's another 20 pounds for me to hit the healthy mark. I think where I've been stumbling is that I've been setting short-term goals. Things like "this is what I'm doing this week". Which is good, but without having that larger goal beyond the smaller one, it's too easy to lose focus. I want to be trapped in a lifestyle where exercising several times a week is normal, part of my routine. A lifestyle where I have energy and am healthy. A lifestyle that my little sister can look to and think she can do it too.

So this ostrich is pulling her head outta the sand and taking a look around.

My goal: lose 20 pounds by July 15, 2009.

I think that's a pretty decent amount of time to get this accomplished in. Short term steps to get this done are to get back on Spark People. Daily journaling of my food/exercise helped. A lot. I'm also setting weekly goals and monthly "rewards" (ie, Starbucks, Books, Music) for meeting those goals. This week's goal: climb Mount Helena.

Define: Ironic

Sitrep: 1x Abs Beginner workout

So I'm watching TV last night, and this commercial comes on with 2 models talking about their new clothing line (or lines) at Target. I think they were models, they said their names like the viewer should recognize them. They described the clothes as inspired by 1930's florals, but more 1970's, and "flirty", "fun", "ironic"...

Did I miss something? Is it those girl-genes I was born without? How can clothing be ironic? I understand flirty. (Sometimes). I understand fun. But ironic?

ironic
adjective
1. humorously sarcastic or mocking; "dry humor"; "an ironic remark often conveys an intended meaning obliquely"; "an ironic novel"; "an ironical smile"; "with a wry Scottish wit" [syn: dry]
2. characterized by often poignant difference or incongruity between what is expected and what actually is; "madness, an ironic fate for such a clear thinker"; "it was ironical that the well-planned scheme failed so completely"

Are they saying if I'm wearing the "flirty, fun, ironic" dress, I'm actually not flirty or fun? I'm confused.

I think it's more ironic that that SOB Mark got back on the Biggest Loser last night. Or that Ali (a girl!!!) BEAT HIM to be the Biggest Loser of the night. :) That made my evening. Although there wasn't far to go for it to get better, because it ticked me off when he got back on the show. It's more ironic that every Tuesday this year I stuff my face while watching the Biggest Loser. Now that's ironic. I think. Like I said. I'm confused.

However, I did realize something last night. I've been bemoaning the fact that I can't seem to get myself exercising again. All told, I've spent hours over the last 2 months thinking about why I can't seem to get moving again. Is is the fact that Alden no longer posts? Is is the slow down in Gator Patrols? Is it that it seems no one else is still working out? Well, Alden's posts weren't supposed to go on forever. Really. The man has a buiness, family, a life. And the Gator Patrol? I could start some of those myself, but I don't. No one else working out? Not true. I get glimpses of it now and then, in a post or two on the BB. What it really comes down to is this:

I've got to be able to sustain this myself, in the long run. That is the only way this will become a life-long habit. I've shifted tracks, moved onto a new phase in this journey of self-improvement and better health, mental & physical. I need to do this for me, because of me. Oh, that's not to say that having support from others isn't good. It is. It just can no longer be the only motivator to keep me going. I am the motivator. Me, and only me. Just like I am the only reason I've stopped. I am the only one being disappointed or hurt by my lack of action.

It hasn't just been lack of exercise either. There's been significant backward action in these areas:

1) Daily water consumption (some days are negative!)
2) Morning & afternoon snacks (amazing the difference that made!)
3) Controlling portion sizes
4) Choosing healthier ingredients/foods
5) Lack of journaling/tracking food & activity (on here, on SparkPeople)

All these tools I've thrown away. Well, no more. Isn't it ironic (stop singing, please) that my biggest stay-sitting-down-don't-move addiction, television, has given me such a big eye opener? It was Ali, on The Biggest Loser, that made me sit up and go "oh" last night. She was voted off in week 4, yet came back in week 11, having lost more (% of weight loss) than all the other eliminated females. Frankly, she's lost more than the women that made it through to week 11. She lost more than them, even though she was on her own for the last 6 weeks! 6 weeks in the real world, without Bob or Jillian, without her whole day at the campus focused on exercise and eating right. How ironic is that?

Modern Language Association (MLA):
"ironic." WordNet® 3.0. Princeton University. 12 Mar. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ironic>.

Newton's First Law of Motion

Goals: 2x Legs, 2x Arms, 2x Cardio, Daily Abs
Sitrep: 1x Legs, 1x Arms, 2x Abs

Holy smokes was last night full of dreams. And they weren't that fun. I think the networks need to add another rating to their system. One for "Chock-full of spiders and big ugly true-to-life gigantic pictures of the little b#$%!#ds." Geez. It was one darn line that started the dreams, though. "No matter where you are, you're never more than 6 feet from a spider." Lovely thought. Does that black can of Raid come in a pocket size?

But I really wanted to focus today on something that came up in this week's Gator Patrol. I've been thinking about it for a few days now and can't figure it out. The post was "Why do I (we - because I'm sure I'm not alone in this) do this to myself? It's so much harder to keep starting over than it would be to keep going."

This is exactly what I do. But why? Is it because I'm lazy at heart? (I am.) Because I don't like to exercise? (True as well.) But I do this elsewhere in my life. I'm a great starter, not a good finisher. You only have to take a look at all the unfinished projects around my house to figure that out. But why is that. Is it learned or are was I born that way? Why are people so darn different?

I look at my family. My sister is the ultimate when it comes to being healthy and exercising. For awhile there I was worried about her. But my BIL & niece have mellowed her a bit. ;) She is always on the go, busy. Even before the baby. And my brother. He might not be into the gym and all that, but the man is always busy. And in shape. He's just on the go-go-go, and whatever he's doing is usually physically oriented. I haven't lived with either of them since high school/college. But seems to me from visits and conversations that they don't have all these unfinished projects lying around. I could be wrong on that, though. And then there's Mom. Now that woman should be called Wonder Woman. She never stops, unless it's to sleep. :) Constantly moving, working, doing...Dad isn't too far behind her. Although I think he & I are more alike. He'd be happy just sitting tinkering on the computer or watching TV. Like me.

And then there's me. I start lots of stuff, have lots of grand ideas, but lose momentum halfway through. It drives me crazy; yet I've given up on it. Grudgingly accepted it as something to live with. So I have my scrapbook from my Japan Vacation (4 years ago!!!) with only a few pages done. Spent tons of money on an album and stickers and papers...That's just one example.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. But really. It's just so darn hard to make something stick. Yet the habit of sitting there on the sofa watching one show after another for two or three or more hours while trying to decide what to do was an easy enough habit to learn! Whenever I start contemplating this, I usually think of Newton's First Law of Motion (thanks, Dad!):

"An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force."

I guess I'm that unbalanced force. Or my mind is. ;) Because why else would I stop when I'm moving? Why else do I make it halfway through the week meeting my goals and then...nothing?

The lesson continues with: Objects tend to "keep on doing what they're doing." In fact, it is the natural tendency of objects to resist changes in their state of motion. This tendency to resist changes in their state of motion is described as inertia."

So I've been very focused since starting REVing on over-coming my inertia. The Gator Patrol and my swim buddies have been fantastic helping with that. So I don't think it's inertia that is keeping me form doing this daily. If it was inertia, I wouldn't keep starting up again.

Galileo reasoned that moving objects eventually stop because of a force called friction.

But what is the "friction" I keep encountering. I used to say I didn't exercise because I wouldn't be able to do the stuff I really like to. Not enough time, yada, yada, yada. That doesn't hold water. Because 30 minutes a day isn't that much; I've found time to do other stuff the last 2 days while still getting 30 minutes a day of REVing done. Geez, I REVed 30 minutes last night, and still managed to eat dinner, watch Biggest Loser & SVU (plus a couple other 30 minute shows), hem 2 pairs of pants, read a little, and get to bed by 10pm.

So where's the friction? Is it mental, internal? Because I can't think of anything external that is stopping me. Why do I keep doing this? Because the BB poster was right. It's harder to keep starting over than it is to just keep going. Why can't I just let the momentum carry me along?

Sitrep

AKA "Be Mean to Me Day".

I'm in one of those moods today. Not sure why. I'm tired and sore and ganging up on myself. I can use any excuse I want (and have quite a few) for not exercising the last month. I've been sleeping poorly, eating poorly, and exercising not at all. And my little forays into gardening and mowing the lawn don't count, not really! I mean, it's good to be moving, but my lawn is so tiny, I just get going when it's time to stop.

And I know that the not exercising makes my sleep worse which makes me tired which makes me eat worse which makes me tired which makes me not follow through with exercising.

Sheesh. It's not like REVing is that impossible of a task...I actually enjoy it when I REV, at least, as much as I enjoy anything called exercise. So why have I hit a brick wall? What has switched off in my brain that switched on last August? Because August 15 (yes, B, your birthday!) is the day I started REVing. I'm still down the 20 lbs, but that won't last for long if I keep this up.

And it's not the heat, it's not the smoke, it's not Grandma dying or LM dying...It's me using anything and everything as an excuse to not do what I know I should do. What I need to do. Like cutting my nose off to spite my face!

I'm disappointing myself, my family, my friends (especially those other REVin' Ladies who've given me such support), my little sister, and Alden (who I owe a testimonial to, and have been procrastinating writing because I've stopped REVing.)

So. What to do.

1) Make large red sign saying something suitably motivating & hang it in kitchen above where I make breakfast?

2) Place BodyRev on sofa on top of TV remote control?

3) Stop whining and just REV! Fifteen lousy minutes a day. For Pete's Sake. I've spent more time typing this blog entry!

Sigh. Okay. I'm going to do 15 minutes tonight. I'll start with Abs since it's my favorite. I'm going to do this!