Beeing Me

I guess I’m having a hard time being positive today. Although I’m sure if you look back at my entries that’s not a new trend. Sometimes I feel like I’m excessively negative/down. Oh well.

The last eight days have been rough. Bad dreams/nightmares every night. Hard to get away from the Haiti earthquake, politics, and so on. Dreamt last night I was turned into a bee (trying to hide from someone or some group that was chasing me), then stung someone and was dying. But we (?) pulled the stinger out of the hand of the person I stung. It turned into some kind of tiny rock (looked like lava hardened in the ocean - ever seen that??) that was really my heart, and we went racing off to find the magician/wizard who turned me back into a person. Bee-zarre. (groan)

Most of my current angst has to do (you guessed it) with politics. I'm just so incredibly frustrated with the politics in this country. I know (and how!) that it can be – and often is – much worse in other countries. It’s just that I live here and what I see happening just drives me batty.

I’ve tried not to be too negative about the Republicans, because not everyone in my life believes as I do. But for Pete’s Sake. The past year has just seemed to me to be more of a churlish second-grade playground loser attitude of “I’m just going to make your life difficult” because I don’t like you. I hate to use the phrase, but “the party of no” seems to fit. From my perspective, if feels like the Reps in congress are obstructionist and blocking anything from moving forward just because they lost the election and don’t like not having control. Even the things experts for both sides agree on.

It’s petty, pandering to a select few, short-term personally motivated, and party thinking that’s just screwing us up over and over again.

Yes, the Dems are messing up. Maybe the prez should have been more forceful to start with. But considering he ran on the message of ending Dems Vs Reps, how could he do otherwise? The miscalculation was in thinking the other party would be grown-ups and come to the table.

The Dems aren’t perfect, I don’t agree with them 100%, but at least they are trying to do something. The Reps had eight years under Bush to address health care (including 6 with control of Congress). Yet they didn’t . And they blocked it under Clinton. I’m not saying that his was a good or bad plan. Just pointing out that when it comes to health care reform over the last 17 years they’ve shown no initiative other than to say “no”. They’ve had control of both houses of Congress from 1994-2006 (with the exception of the Senate 2001-2002), and the White House from 2001-2008.

When is it time to say enough is enough? To accept that not everything has a business free-market solution to it? Because free-market does not equal equality or fair access. Access to basic and preventative health care should not be based on income or luck of birth. It should not be a commodity with profitability as a factor.

I know; drastic words from someone with an economics degree and normally libertarian leanings. And it’s not like I’d be all that thrilled with our government running a program. But frankly, that has more to do with the way our society thinks/acts as a whole when it comes to money. We’ve been living on this spend more than we have mentality for decades and decades. It’s been a big driver of our economy, consumer spending. But we can only spend so much.

Anyway. I’d better stop this rant now before a blood vessel bursts in my head.

And So It Begins

Sitrep: Nothing new since yesterday. Gym night tonight.

Had my annual doctor visit today; due to the lack of quality sleep/snoring/potential sleep apnea issue, I have my first appointment with the ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat) doctor next week. Yippee. Not. My past experience with ENTs was not good. After 2 ENTs, multiple visits, x-rays, hearing tests (duh, I couldn't hear because the ear drops they gave me for an infection clogged my eustachian tubes - heard fine before then and after!!!), and results that said "you don't have allergies" in spite of the symptoms & past medical diagnoses to the contrary, I gave up on that field. But to get to a sleep apnea study, my doc wants me to go through the ENT. Ah'm thrilled. Seriously though. When I research S.A, I have a lot of the symptoms:

• Excessive daytime sleepiness (hypersomnia)
• Loud snoring
• Observed episodes of breathing cessation during sleep
• Abrupt awakenings accompanied by shortness of breath
• Awakening with a dry mouth or sore throat
• Morning headache
• Difficulty staying asleep (insomnia)
• Unrefreshing sleep
• Irritability/Depressed mood
• Unusual behaviors in sleep (i.e. night terrors, night sweats)

A friend of mine was talking with a friend of his about sleep and bad dreams, etc. She works in the medical field, specifically Sleep Disorders, and told him the list of sleep apnea symptoms. Turns out those extremely vivid dreams and night sweats are on the list. Finally. Something that explains the night sweats!!!! (No, it's not hormonal! Checked that already!)

Thank goodness my doc renewed the prescription for the sleeping pill. I'd be a zombie without it. Next week the ENT and so it begins...

It's Raining, It's Pouring

Sitrep: 1/2 lawn mowed

the old man is snoooooring. He went to... Oh, wait. That's me. [g] I'm soooo sleepy this mornin' I'm about to pass out at my desk. I must be cranky too as a coworker made a coffee run and treated me to a Mocha. Ahhh, the little joys in life. ;) I dreamt a lot last night. Pretty much all I can remember is a guy changing from a blond-haired cutie into a mocha skinned god with a gold earring. I gave him a purple hat (which he put on straight away) in exchange for some advice and then I walked away. I turned back a second or two later and there was nothing but a purple hat moving along the ground. I cautiously flipped the hat off and it was a turtle making some pretty fast (and determined) progress. Then the perspective changed...I was looking up and toward the turtle, as if through a sheet of glass that was barely thick enough to cover me. And as the turtle crawled over me, I realized it was a tarantula. Jeez oh Pete. Is it any wonder I'm exhausted???? And I can't even begin to put into words the feeling I remember from the dream. First good/excited/proud (???), then totally creeped out. I'm not sure I even want to know what this dream means. And I'm sure there's a meaning there somewhere.

It's probably "Don't eat Spaghetti O's for lunch you idiot".

A Bird in a Pocket

Sitrep: 1 migraine, 0 workouts

Last night I had a very interesting dream. Very vivid, like usual. I was someplace outside the United States, possibly a Peace Corps type of deal. In my dream I was walking across a very large, bustling city. Very much like those I visited in South America. I was carrying a bird and a dog. Or was it a cat? Something along those lines. The bird was little; I could just hold it in one hand. It was almost like a Bluebird, but somewhat like a parakeet. The dog/cat was little, kitten or puppy size, but awkward to carry. The bird was hard to hold onto, and the dog/cat too heavy to hold with just one arm. I didn't dare put the dog/cat on a leash because of all the people. Or I didn't have a leash. Not sure which. I was desperately searching for something to put them in so I could carry them home more easily.

I wound up at some type of store that had tons of used boxes. The shop owner and her son tried to help me find a box, but they were all too shallow for the dog/cat. Then the shop owner's son handed me a plastic case with a zipper opening and holes poked in the sides. "Try this," he said to me. (It was almost like one of those makeup/toiletry bags.) I opened it and laid the bird and the dog/cat in there. Amazingly the dog/cat is now small enough to fit in there. But the little bird does not like it when I go to zip it up, and it's beak pierces through the plastic and hooks into my hand or finger. Almost like a fish hook, deep. I gently pry the bird loose and take them both out of the bag and continue on my way.

I think my brother and sister were mixed in here somewhere, but can't remember too much. Only part I remember is teasing my brother that my sister was artificially inseminated 7 years ago, and that's where my niece came from. I think my SIL smacked me on the head for being mean to my brother at this point.

[Except in real life, my niece is 4 and there is NO doubt my BIL is her father. He & my sis have been together at least 11 years now? And my niece resembles her Dad quite a bit. Red hair, anyone? She definitely gets that from my BIL. But I digress, and really, that was just a blip in the dream as I needed to find something for the bird and dog/cat to travel in.]

Next part I remember, I'm at or approaching my apartment, and run into someone I know. They are sympathetic and suggest I go to a nearby Kmart type store. I've already been there, but agree to go anyway. I put the little bird in my pants pocket, with one hand gently covering the opening to keep it safely stowed, without hurting it. We get to the store and now there's a new row, tucked behind/to the side of the regular pet stuff, and I start to recall having seen those airline approved travel crates there before. Lo and behold, I find one for the dog/cat. The bird is more difficult. There are some cages, one pretty bizarre looking one with a bottom corner bent in. But I can't tell if they're airline approved for travel.

I'm still trying to keep the bird in my pocket, and look through the cages. (The dog/cat is safely stowed in it's crate by now.) My friends and the store workers aren't much help, they start asking me about the papers for the animals. Have I gotten the papers and approval to take them out of the country? I'm still frantically asking them which bird cage is travel-approved by the airlines. Now I realize I haven't gotten the papers and am leaving in two days.

[FYI, it took several weeks for the paperwork to bring my dog back from Paraguay to come through]

Last thing I remember about the dream is being near tears, unable to find a cage for the bird, trying to keep it safe in my pocket, and not knowing if I can bring it home with me.

Then my alarm went off. I am not sure what in the heck this dream means. Very, very, weird. Where the heck did the bird come from? I never dream about birds. I can't even remember dreaming about birds before, except for one dream where I was a hawk/falcon size bird and flying. Actually, I transformed from human to bird to human...That dream was years ago (literally) and I still remember many, many details, more than just that.

Anyway. I can't shake the feeling I had at the end of the dream.

Pictures and Words

Sitrep (last week): 1x Boot Camp, 1x Boot Camp (20 mins), 1x Legs
Weekly goals: 2x Boot Camp (entire workout), 3x Abs

Do you ever do those exercises where you close your eyes and try to picture something? An item, a person, a place? I'm talking about just seeing it. No words, just the image. I used to be decent enough at this, but over the last years I've noticed that it's harder and harder to do. I need words to describe, to build that image. I can't just see it.

I wonder if that's because I've always been a reader? I prefer books to movies, although I partake of my fair share of both. It's rather bizarre because I dream so vividly. And it's all about images and sound. I don't need words to create the dreams. And many of my dreams are "entertaining". It's like I'm creating books/movies in my mind. There are plots and everything. A lot of those types of dreams I enjoy. I've had three of them in the last week and a half, which is why this comes up.

Last night's was great, what little I can remember. Weird, no doubt based on my current reading/watching schedule, but good. Kind of Elizabeth Vaughan (Warprize, Warsworn, & Warlord - my favorite discovery last year) meets Jane Austen. (Watched the latest adaptation of "Persuasion" on Masterpiece Theater last night. It didn't do the book justice. When it ended at 1 1/2 hours, I was surprised. I hope "Northanger Abbey" next week is better!)

So it seems in my unconscious state I'm plenty good at creating images. But in my conscious state words get in the way. (I can see my brother shaking his head at this. He's thinking "Duh.", I'm sure. He always did hate my tendency to be "wordy". Probably because I use them as a shield a lot of the time!) One time, I even remember the credits rolling at the end of the dream. It still makes me laugh to think about it. I actually woke myself up laughing that time!

I wonder if tonight's dreams will be as fun. Medium is on TV tonight. Along with a new Jon & Kate plus 8. Along with my rewatches of Law & Order and History Channel/CourtTV (aka TruTV) fare, I'm surprised I sleep at all.

Here's what I'm reading right now:

1) The Gift of Fear by Gaving de Becker
2) Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie & Bob Mayer
3) The Circle Within by Dianne Sylvan
4) Movable Harvests: Fruits, Vegetables, Berries: The Simplicity of Container Gardens by Chuck & Barbara Crandall
5) Best Garden Plants for Montana by Bob Gough, et al.

Hope it's not catching...

Sitrep: 2 wts - 1x Arms, 2x Cardio

We've got Lottery Fever - There's a new lottery game in MT. They're only selling 150,000 tickets for a $1million dollar prize, and you can only get the tickets in MT. There are also four drawings for $5k (2 already awarded), five for $10k, and five for $100k. So far only 90,000+ tickets of the total 150k have been sold. :) It's $20 a ticket. But I bought one. Last Friday was such a good day, I was in an awesome mood, things going my way, and thought "why not"? Today our office (full-time staff) bought a ticket together. All I want is that $5k prize. I'll be ecstatic if I just get that. I'm not greedy...

Had some very, very strange dreams last night. Almost what you'd call "fevered" dreams. Night before last I dreamt I was yelling at a coworker because he kept installing G.oo.g.l.e toolbar on our work computers. LOL. But last night. Some of it was work stuff, things I needed to get done today. But the one I really remember, that I remember what I actually felt in the dream, is this one:

I was in a room that looked like my parents house but not. You know what I mean? There were a few other people in the room, and all of a sudden we all collapsed. Then I got back up and had this realization that I was dead but conscious, in my body. Still physically here. I screamed "How can I be dead and alive at the same time" in my head so loud that it partly woke me up. Then in my dream I ran down the hall to my parents room, but they weren't there, then they were; in their beds asleep. I ran to Mom's side of the bed (except in real life it's Dad's side) and woke her up crying. I sat there with my head on the side of the bed crying and asked "how can I be dead and awake?" Last bit I remember before coming fully awake was her waking up and reaching for me. Like she did a million times when I was a kid and crawling into their bed because of a nightmare.

Now if I could just translate this fever to working out. I'm not doing too bad. Plan to REV tonight - Cardio & Arms - and do Cardio plus Arms at least one more time this weekend.

Quick, Pass the Ibuprofen

1x Arms, 1x Cardio - 2 weights for both

I really hit the cardio hard last night. Trying to make up for not REVing or burning off excess energy. Not sure which. I added a second weight on the cardio. Ughhh on the REVs is all I can say. Then I did extra reps. I so feel it today. Was fine when I woke up. But the more I move, the stiffer I feel. [g]

Not sure what was up with me last night, but hey...it's better than bingeing on ice cream or chocolates! (Which I have a nice box of thanks to my lovely sister. She sent me a box of Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts from Hawaii. Souvenir for me of their vacation in Kuai this month! They were good, but I will admit to sharing them with my coworkers so I wouldn't eat the whole box myself.)

I've heard that exercising right before bed is not a good idea; it keeps you awake. Maybe I'm just weird, but if I exercise and go to bed within a half hour to an hour, I sleep wonderfully. It feels so good to slip between the sheets after working out and just crashing. [g] I did sleep much better last night than I have in weeks. I'm still exhausted this morning. But that's because I haven't slept well in awhile. And then I dreamt. Do you ever have those dreams that are so good and so real, they stick with you all day?

I'm seriously bummed this morning. I wish I was back in my last dream. (I remember several from last night. The final one was the good one. The other one was weird - world was flooded, we held onto the continents as they flipped over under the weight of the water. And it went in turns. We had to sit there and wait and watch as the other continents and their people flipped and then were on dry land. Until it was our turn. Absolutely bizarre. I'm still puzzling over what that one means.)

Still have no idea what to do with my hair. Spent way too much time yesterday trying to figure out if my face is "round" or "square" or "oval". Sheesh. 12:30 is the appointment. I'll see about posting a picture tomorrow. If it isn't too scary. [g]

Dreaming in Tongues

Rev. Goal (W-Su): 5x Rev
Sitrep: Arms 2x, Abs 1x

Last night I challenged myself to 30 minutes of REVing. [Because of one very inspiring lady!] :) Felt really good, too, when I got done. As in, hah, see? I knew I could do it. I could hear the virtual applause from the BB & Gator Patrol. And Alden just might be back next week for a SitRep, so I definitely want to be able to report good things.

The last few nights, I've been dreaming in Spanish. Already knew I have a propensity to do this; my dorm roommate in college told me once I was talking in my sleep in Spanish. And this was before I spent 2 years in South America with no one in my town speaking anything other than Spanish & Guarani.

Woke up Wednesday & Thursday mornings with the certain knowledge that I was dreaming in Spanish. Not just that I was speaking/thinking in Spanish in my dream; the whole dream was in Spanish. And then Mom called last night. Now, that's not new. LOL. We talk a minimum of once a week. More lately as Mom has been checking in on one of her kids that's sick. :) It's not easy being a Mom or Dad from thousands of miles away, I think. [Love you Mom, Dad.]

The "new" (I should say different) part is that she was speaking Spanish to me. Now, it's her native tongue, and I totally understand her desire to speak it. Especially as next week they're off to visit with her family in Spain. But she doesn't call me speaking in Spanish very often. Mom said my dreams must have been preparing me for her phone call last night. [g] You know, I don't think she's too far off on that one!

It was fun, if a strain. Poor Mom. She must wince listening to her daughter butcher her native tongue. A lot of fumbling, comingling of Spanish/English, and a lot of "How do you say..." Sigh. I've lost a lot of the fluency I had while in the Peace Corps. After all, it has been 10 years since I came back. [Still feels like just yesterday that I left.]

I think I'll borrow my little sister's "Intro to Spanish" cd's that she picked up at Costco this summer. (She wanted to be able to talk with my mom some in Spanish. Isn't that sweet?). I need a refresher course!

Pffbbbt!

That's exactly what I feel like saying to the world today. Ever have one of those days where you knew the second the alarm went off that it would be best for all concerned if you just didn't answer the call?

Nothing has gone horribly awry today. Actually, nothing has gone awry at all. Just, as CrankyOtter said in her blog yesterday, "It would be helpful if I could punch something." Not sure why. It just feels like it would be helpful.

I dreamt a lot last night. I dream a lot most nights, detailed stuff I can remember. But some nights, well, the dreams are so real, so vivid, it's hard to leave them when I wake up. They linger for hours, sometimes days. Last night's has been dragging behind me all day. Makes me think about this Cultural Anthropology course I took in college. (Loved that class.) But there was a tribe in Africa (I think it was Africa) that believed our spirits left our bodies at night and traveled. Those travels are our dreams. (I realize that it's a very common belief, not just to this tribe. It's just the first time I'd ever heard it, and it made so much sense to me.) In our waking lives that sense of deja vu is because we've intersected with something or someone or someplace from our dream travels.

It's weird, because I can tell the difference between what I call "traveling" dreams and "filing" dreams. Filing dreams are dreams made up of snippets of information my brain is processing. Almost the equivalent of the "filing" basket I have on my desk at work. I keep piling stuff in it, and several times a week I sort and file. Filing dreams are made up of info that my brain sees as I rifle the filing cabinets of my mind to put things away. Or clean them out. I can usually pick out where the different elements of the dreams came from.

Last night was, I think, one of those traveling nights. Too real, too vivid, too gripping. My spirit wasn't ready when the alarm went off this morning. Not all the way back, maybe. It was a good dream, I was having fun. I should have stayed. LOL. :)