There Are No Words

Exercise: 45 minutes total  snow shoveling this week over 2 days.

I found out last night that someone I know has a relative being sexually molested by their stepfather. It's not my little or any of her siblings or any of my blood/marriage related family. A friend's 15 year old female relative. Someone I know, but haven't mentioned in this blog.

BEFORE ANYONE FREAKS OUT THE POLICE HAVE BEEN CALLED.

It's not sexual intercourse; not yet. It's not oral sex; not yet. But it's innapropriate touching, and innapropriate speech/attitude. The stepfather admitted to touching her, removing her bra and fondling her breasts. His fifteen year old step-daughter. And he has several daughters of his own almost her age.

A huge family meeting last night with their pastor resulted in the following:

1) The 15 year old was lectured on chastity and flirtatiousness (WTF?)
2) The step-father is accusing her of "tempting" him. (yada yada yada)
2) The 15 year old was supposedly called a "skinny minnie temptress" by her own mother (WTF?)
3) The mother supposedly stated (in an oh-woe-is-me way) that she can't compete with her daughter for her husband's affections (WTF?)
4) The 15 year old girl wasn't allowed to leave the house to go back to the relatives' she's been staying with the last few days (where she finally told what was going on).
5) The counseling session scheduled for the 15 year old has been cancelled (natch - all that mandatory reporting, don't you know!)

He has admitted it. Yet she keeps him in the house. Absolves him of the guilt and responsibility. Why the hell would anyone do that? This is an educated, employed woman. She can take care of her kids on her own. She's only been with this SOB four years or so. And he has admitted it. Does anyone else out there believe he'll stop? That it won't progress? He's basically been given the green light.

Supposedly the mother is going to quit her job (she's on night shift) so the girls won't be left alone with him at night. Yes, that's plural. There's another (younger) step-daughter in the house. And he has primary custody of his daughters. Like her being home is going to remove any chance of anything happening. For Pete's Sake.

My friend is very upset. Furious at how the girl is being treated. And terrified of what will happen next. To the girl, to the family, to his daughters (he has primary custody, fighting for sole - his ex is a drug addicted looney). She's also terrified of what will happen to her. Because the mother of this girl is her own sister. She's terrified her sister won't ever speak to her again. I told her I'd report it. Not a problem. And if they blamed her, I'd fess up and tell them I reported it. I don't care. They can't hurt me.

Well, she called me just a little while ago to let me know that she called the police. God. What a messed up situation. Something is very, very wrong in that house.

It's All My Brother's Fault

...and my sister-in-law's...that I almost broke my foot Sunday night. Quite a feat for them, considering they live the other side of the country from me.

Having had this truly vivid dream that a blizzard had blown in my back door, I surfaced and, naturally, had to go make sure the back door was still firmly closed. I put my glasses on, but didn't switch on any lights. I mean, I make this trek to the kitchen just about every night because I wake up thirsty and have already drunk the glass of water on the nightstand. Anyway. I made it to the back door without any problems. It was on the way back to the bedroom I had issues. I stepped up into the kitchen and - WHAM

Slammed the toes of my left foot into the under-the-bed Ru.bber.maid container that I store wrapping paper in. Unfortunately, I was already stepping up and forward with my right foot, which came down squarely on top of the container. Which started to slide across the floor. FYI, it's really hard to regain your balance when the floor moves under you. I'm just saying. With lots of flailing of arms and very loud curses, I managed to control the fall without landing on a twisted ankle and without bashing my head on the floor. But for a few seconds there I was sure I'd broken my foot and was going to knock myself out (I was falling backwards down that stupid little step up in to the kitchen).

I limped into the bedroom, turned on the light, and gingerly determined my ankles, foot and toes were all fine. Except the tips of two toes (the nails) are a bit tender still. And my rear hurts from where I hit the floor.

But how was this my brother & SIL's fault, you ask?

Well, they're the ones that introduced me to the joys of the Pla.ystation system this past December. And helped me pick out a system of my own. Which is why I was able to spend all day Sunday gaming, instead of cleaning and putting things away. Which is why the wrapping paper container was still near the door leading from the kitchen to the sun porch, left there from it's use as door-blocker while I was dog sitting a friend's dog. Gotta keep the dogs separated while they eat, you know.

And this is why I got BK for dinner last night - for me AND the dog - instead of cooking like I had planned. Because I wanted to game. And this is why when a friend called around 8pm, I glanced at the phone (thank you caller ID) and thought "I'll call her back as soon as I finish this town" and why when she called again an hour - and another town - later, I merely picked up the phone with one hand, still punching the "shoot" button on the controller with the other, and said, not "hello" but "Hang on...gotta get someplace safe" and sat the phone down.

It's a good thing she called, or I might still be gaming...

Ahhh, Friends...

Sitrep: 30 mins Lawn

I'm listening to an older J.D. Robb story in the car, one I've already read before. This one, Betrayal, I think, has a theme of friendship in it. I love the scenes with Eve & Peabody, and Eve & Mavis. Then there's the friend pairing in this one of Roarke & an old friend from his past, the FBI agent & her friend. It's all about friendship. I laugh a lot at Eve's reluctance to get involved in her friend's lives on more than just a peripheral basis. (Can I say that??? Or is that bad grammar?) I'm such a loner I go through the same squirming in my seat sometimes. Although I'm not nearly as bad as Eve. [g]

Maybe those strings of friendship and being involved in someone's life cost, but as a whole, they're pretty cheap when you think about it. In most cases anyway. For without friends, my world would be much lonelier place. And loneliness is much different than being alone. :) The grins and giggles of friendship and the ludicrous things we do for our friends make life a heck of a lot funner.

I remember a few years back, when I had to work long days at our annual convention. That year it was held in the town I live in, so no traveling. (Yippee!). I knew I'd be home several hours late, so asked a friend (one that falls in the category of "Peabody" and who lived next door at the time) to let my dog out after she got home from work. I got home around 8pm, exhausted, and walked into an empty house. After anxiously calling Scully a few times, I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen table. All it said was this

Can you say my heart skipped a beat? [g] Now, I know I love my dog to no end, but she's just not that valuable. In fact, she's a spoiled rotten PITA and no way anyone's gonna kidnap her for ransom. So I picked up the phone and called my friend. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Umm, hey. Is my dog over there?
Friend: Yeah. I left you a note.
Me: You didn't sign it.
Friend: [after a few seconds, and through lots of laughter.] I have a glass of wine over here for you...[me rolling my eyes]

When she let Scully out, my dog and her dog were having fun playing, so she took them both to her house. Halfway home she thought she'd better leave me a note, so she ran back and scribbled one hastily on a scrap piece of paper without thinking about what she was saying. [g] We still laugh about it to this day. One of these days she's going to come home to a note pinned to her front door

Connections

Goal (M-Su): 3x Abs, 1x 15 mins Other/Any Exercise
Sitrep: 1x Abs

It really is all about the people you know, sometimes. Shanni is part of a gifted & talented program at her school, and they did an environmental awareness project last year called EARTH Action. They've won the 2007 President's Environmental Youth Award for Region 8 (CO, MT, ND, SD, UT, WY). (PEYA Program)

So they get to go to Washington D.C. for the ceremony, which is being held in the White House and hosted by Laura Bush. So she gets to meet the First Lady, and possibly even the President, from what we're told. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of the current administration. (Shocker, I'm sure) However, this is an awesome opportunity for a 12 year old. To be recognized at such a high level for hard work, and to meet the First Lady and possibly the President...Once in a lifetime opportunity! They get to do a summary presentation and everything. There's a social, the awards ceremony, and they're going to see some of the sights (Smithsonian, etc.)

Shanni is one of the top 2 students they want to go on the trip. Five students and two teachers are attending. We were told that there would be fundraising, and they didn't even let anyone know which kids were going until last Friday. Well, today Shanni's mom got the call that tickets had to be booked today. Insane. They don't have money for it, nor do they have a credit card. She also didn't know where to start to book the ticket. (They haven't traveled much by plane.)

I offered up use of my credit card, as we can get the money raised prior to the bill coming due, I'm sure. I've got a line out on a scholarship/financial aid through Big Brothers Big Sisters, and the school is partially funding each child. Next I called my recently retired boss, who went back to the family business. Which just happens to be, with their most recent purchase of a local office, the largest travel agency in the state. They were able to get Shanni booked on the appropriate flights for $500.00....and they are willing to trade for my IT services. I'd already agreed to do consulting work on my own time for them, and we have an hourly rate set. We'd also discussed my working for airfare as another option since my family is all out of state. Which appeals to me more than cash, frankly. :) So we are looking good. They had originally told us we'd need $1000. But since we got the ticket about $200 cheaper than budgeted for...Now we need that much less.

I can't wait to hear back from BBBS to see how much we get from them. I love it when a plan comes together!!!!

And the day really just gets better...Obama and Clinton are speaking in Butte on April 5th. General Admission tickets go on sale tomorrow morning for $40 a piece. Only 2400 available. There are 4 of us in the office - so far - that want to go. So we're going to try to get tickets. Keep your fingers crossed!

My reputation precedes me...

Sitrep: 2 weights - 1x Cardio. Was headed into arms when I got a phone call from a friend having a nervous breakdown. That lasted until 11:30pm. Sigh.

If you missed it the first time, please read It's the Easter Bunny's Fault before reading the rest of today's post. It makes more sense that way.

So I get the following email from a friend this morning:

Natalia, why did I think of you as I read this?? M.

Damn, I can't believe I didn't think of this one! lol

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

My reply:

I will never live that down, will I? [g]

Hers:

NOPE :)

Aimless

Goals: 2x Arms (2 wts), 2x Legs, 2x Cardio, 6x Abs
Sitrep: 1x Arms (2 wts - whimper), 1x Cardio, 1x Abs

Not feeling particularly witty or amusing today. More's the pity. Aimless pretty well covers it. I am Tired. Not sure why. I think it's what I'm eating this week. Had pizza one night...and peanut butter a few times. Sigh.

Have a headache this afternoon. Ate a mini-package of peanut M&M's and within 15 minutes had that migraine aura stuff going on. I'd been feeling down, and thought I might be getting a headache (couldn't get my hands warm & had purple fingernails). Guess the peanuts were the last straw! Took some sudafed (sinuses are packed again) and put my head down for a nap during lunch. Aura went away, and no migraine so far. Just a headache. But that's twice in about a week when I don't usually get migraine auras at all. Maybe once a year, if that? I have a feeling the infection is in my sinuses now. Finally bought the Neil Med Sinus Rinse kit, but I can't use it - yet. Says, clear as a bell, not to use if you have an ear infection. Peachy. {sigh} Have to go back to the doc this week any way and have my ears checked.

I dreamt a lot last night. I wish I could remember it. I sort-of woke up mid-dream, and thought to myself "Must remember this...would make a great blog entry." Naturally, I don't remember a bit of it. Just that it was funny and bizarre.

Ah, well.

So I've been struggling with my little sister and homework this year. Yes, I know, school's only been in maybe a month. Maybe I'm overreacting and she just needs to settle in. I've helped her organize, and we studied together last Saturday. Maybe we'll make that a regular part of our time together. Study for an hour or two, and then do something fun. :) She sounded exhausted this afternoon. Poor kid. Growing up really bites. Got some good advice from some ladies on the BB. I'll try not to panic/overreact and see how she adjusts.

Learned something this week. When trying to turn the gas back on to the heater, don't use a hammer to "finesse" the handle past the point it gets stuck. 'Cause they don't like finesse and break. Stupid old metal pipe. What's worse, the gas is still off and I can't light that heater. It's the one I rely on to heat the back porch/laundry room and the kitchen. So I'm reduced to using the baseboard heater at night in the kitchen. Pfffbbbt. Now I've gotta find someone to help me fix that this weekend.

Note to self: NO HAMMERS unless nails are involved. Oh, and don't forget protective head gear.

Titleless...in other words, TGIF!

Goal: 2x Arms, 2x Legs, 2x Cardio, Daily Abs
Sitrep: 2x Arms, 1x Legs, 1x Cardio, 4x Abs

The elephant on roller skates made it to the bottom of the hill yesterday. With only one near-miss. [g] I did Arms, but was getting that glare in front of my eyes that usually signals "fever" or "migraine ahead". I took 2 ibuprofen and lay down for about 30 minutes. The glare kinda went away so I did Abs. I got it done, and only ended up with a minor headache. [g]

But wait! Still have more workouts to do to meet the week's goals, and I definitely can't use the weekend as an excuse to not workout. You know, that old "I'll do that tonight" or "I'll do extra tomorrow". Because that just turns into "Gee, I have 2 hours to do today. Maybe I should just start over from scratch tomorrow since I'm so far behind." I felt really proud of myself last night for pushing through and getting my goal for the day done. I'm going to focus on that and do my 30 minutes after work today. Legs & Abs. Legs are my least favorite. BUT THEY ARE HISTORY.

Other than that, I'm not feeling particularly chatty or upbeat today. The "glare" is back in front of my eyes. Makes it hard to focus on anything. Going to buy the sinus rinse recommended by cranky otter today. ;) [I know, I know. Took me long enough. I've just been avoiding stores. Too many people & I can't handle that when I'm sick.]

I'm also feeling blue today about that friend that just kinda dropped me this summer. It's dawned on me that our friendship for all intents and purposes is over. Whenever I try to talk to her now I get the look. You know the one. The "studying a bug through a microscope" look. Or worse, she gets the same look on her face she used to get when our former (thank the gods) crazy-as-a-loon receptionist used to talk to her. I just realized the other night: Our friendship started with her grandmother's death, and ended with my grandmother's death. Oh, the irony!

First Day of Fall = First Snow

Week's End Sitrep: 2x Arms, 1x Abs
Goal (M-Su): 2x each Legs, Cardio & Arms + Daily Abs

Yesterday was the first day of fall. It rained most of the day. Which was rather nice, actually. Hopefully that will take the edge off of the fires around the state that are still burning. But it was cold. Brrr. 44*F with a nasty wind, and we were out harvesting the garden. {sigh} Knew we shouldn't have put it off. But we got it all harvested, so all's well that end's well. And we have a nice pile of goodies. A huge bucket of carrots. OMG, I've never seen so many carrots! :) It's definitely stew time. LOL.

Then we (Michelle & I) went shopping with her girls, as today is KT's birthday and she got birthday money from her grandmother. Hit Target and then Hastings...Tonight is the birthday dinner, with cake. Yum.

But this morning (as I expected!) the rain clouds have mostly cleared to reveal the mountains & foot hills around town with the first snow on them. They look lovely. But I'm not ready for winter. I want a fall, darn it!

On Saturday I spent the day running. Friends of ours celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary by "rewedding" as my little sister named it. :) It was a lovely ceremony. The groom was teary-eyed from the second he saw the bride. It was great. We helped set up - and take down - for the reception. That's exhausting! At least we didn't have to wash the dishes by hand. 150 people. OMG. The church had one of those commercial dishwashers that washes a load in 3 minutes. Only you have to hand dry...

Ruth & Everett are the kind of couple that make Happily-Ever-After seem like non-fiction. :)

First Day of Fall = First Snow

Week's End Sitrep: 2x Arms, 1x Abs Goal (M-Su): 2x each Legs, Cardio & Arms + Daily Abs

Yesterday was the first day of fall. It rained most of the day. Which was rather nice, actually. Hopefully that will take the edge off of the fires around the state that are still burning. But it was cold. Brrr. 44*F with a nasty wind, and we were out harvesting the garden. {sigh} Knew we shouldn't have put it off. But we got it all harvested, so all's well that end's well. And we have a nice pile of goodies. A huge bucket of carrots. OMG, I've never seen so many carrots! :) It's definitely stew time. LOL. Then we (Michelle & I) went shopping with her girls, as today is KT's birthday and she got birthday money from her grandmother. Hit Target and then Hastings...Tonight is the birthday dinner, with cake. Yum. But this morning (as I expected!) the rain clouds have mostly cleared to reveal the mountains & foot hills around town with the first snow on them. They look lovely. But I'm not ready for winter. I want a fall, darn it! On Saturday I spent the day running. Friends of ours celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary by "rewedding" as my little sister named it. :) It was a lovely ceremony. The groom was teary-eyed from the second he saw the bride. It was great. We helped set up - and take down - for the reception. That's exhausting! At least we didn't have to wash the dishes by hand. 150 people. OMG. The church had one of those commercial dishwashers that washes a load in 3 minutes. Only you have to hand dry... Ruth & Everett are the kind of couple that make Happily-Ever-After seem like non-fiction. :)

Unexpected

Last Week
goals - 3x Arms, 3x Cardio, 1x Abs
sitrep - 1x Arms, 2x Cardio

This Week
goals - 2x Arms, 2x Abs, 2x Legs, 1 Outdoor
sitrep - 1x Arms, 1x Abs #2

I slid into bed last night and finally figured out why it feels so nice lately to go to bed. It's the sheets. And it's not because I put clean sheets on this weekend. I change them all the time since that silly dog sleeps in the bed with me.

Lately I've started using the sheets that I got as a child. The ones given to me for my "hope chest" by my maternal female relatives whenever we visited them in Spain. When I have those sheets on the bed, it's like going to sleep wrapped in a hug from my Abuela (grandma) and my Tias (aunts) and my mother. Which is wonderful. No wonder if feels so good. Which explains why I love the hot pink & white bathroom towels with a puffy white swan appliqued on them. Soooo not my style, yet I hang them in the bathroom with a smile.

Those towels and sheets, and the others in my closet from that "hope chest", don't weigh me down (as they might some of my more liberated friends), they lift me up, because they represent the love and hopes and dreams my family had - still has - for me. They're also a reminder of simpler days. Childhood and teenage years that, even with all their accompanying drama, still bring a smile to my face as I remember them.

It's things like that, and like getting home to an answering machine message from a friend with a simple hello and check-in and encouragement all in one, that really make my day. That make me feel all wrapped up in hugs; that all's right with the world.

Everyone Gets a Teaspoon

As cranky as I was last Friday, the week actually ended on an upbeat note, which followed me through the weekend.

After work I went home, picked up the mutt & headed over to my little sister Shani's house. While waiting for some other friends to show up for dinner, we decided to go get some pictures of the veggie garden we planted earlier this year. When we got to the garden gate, Shani and her mother had me close my eyes and then escorted me into - and across - the garden. I threatened them with all sorts of dire consequences if they made me step on my carrots! They finally led me to a stop and this is what I saw upon opening my eyes:

Is this not the coolest? It's our Giant Pumpkin!!!! Whoo-hoo...then we proceeded to go mad taking pictures of the rest of the garden.

Michelle, my little's mom, was so excited that we actually have a watermelon growing. I guess we didn't realize we'd planted that...There were a few of us doing the planting, and apparently there are tomatoes as well! Although only Shani eats them. [g] I think one of the guys helping with fencing planted the tomatoes. The watermelon is quite small, as you can see.

As Michelle said,
"Everyone gets a teaspooon!"

I took home a stack of potatoes and onions, as well as some of the Kentucky Wonder Beans. We planted squash and cucumbers and more. Even some carrots that turned out pathetically small as we didn't realize they need to be thinned. Ooops. It was kinda funny how excited we were (especially me!) about eating stuff we planted and grew. LOL. It was a first for this city girl.

We had some of the corn and onions with our grilled burgers and hot dogs. Steve, my little's stepdad, kept joking about killing one of the wild rabbits so prevalent out there and make us a rabbit stew...Which made the kids shriek in dismay, of course. [g]

After dinner we played a few rounds of Jenga. Complete with our own song. See, Shani's step-dad has this habit of making up songs on the spur of the moment. Very original and creative, actually. And usually pretty funny. He and some of his friends "escaped" to the man-cave while we played Jenga. We could hear them laughing, and at one point it sounded like he was singing something about hunting...

Which prompted Josie to start one of her own (sung to a kind of blues tune):

Saw a Rabbit in my garden
And I Grabbed my pitchfork
My wife said no
The kids were screaming
"Go go go"

That last line was my contribution; she seemed a little stuck, and they seemed fitting. We couldn't stop laughing for a looooong time. And this was without any alcohol! Aren't friends grand?

I'm getting old...or what I learned, part dos

I cannot believe I forgot this on my list earlier. My memory is just shot. Must be my "old age". ;)
At the end of the evening, four hours after the reception started, I called it a night. So did my little sister's family. Well, since we (MB, my little's mom, and I) had been running around for days, trading who was driving, tossing the girls back and forth throughout the day, our stuff was scattered between the cars. So while we got everything sorted out (including SB, MB's husband, who really really liked the home brewed beer that was served at the reception) KT, the 16 year old daughter, decided to run back up to the reception and use the bathroom.

We're ready to go and look around, realize she's not in the car and start asking each other, where'd KT go? Me, I'm still looking in their car, convinced she's in there. We just had so much stuff. (I swear I saw her get in, and no, I did not have any of the beer. Or any other alcohol. I was tired.) Then all of a sudden she's rushing across the lawn to us and she just has this slightly startled look on her face. Like she's part mortified, part fascinated...part sick.

Turns out that one of the other wedding guests had enjoyed the beer as well. Maybe a little too much. We'd remarked on it earlier. But she went one further than just hootin' and hollerin' to the music and toasts and dancing wildly. She was having sex with one of the other guests in the little hallway just to the side of the bathrooms. (I'm hoping it was her S.O., because I do believe she showed up with someone.) Oh, boy. I am so glad it was KT and not ST, my 11 yr old little sister, because she would have not only announced it to us in as loud a voice as possible, but she would have followed up with an hour's worth of non-stop questions. And after three days of running, multiple doses of multiple OTC meds, and a full afternoon of 96*F weather, I don't think I could have done anything other than laugh hysterically...

Stranger in a Strange Land

Mouse - 4, Me - 0. The battle continues.

Normally I try to stay in my own little world, happily populated with the people I know and love. It's a strange little world I've been told, as I usually prefer to be alone. It's not traditional or untraditional, conformist or non-conformist, but it works well for me. My little sister's step-dad once described me as "An educated redneck." Which makes me laugh. A lot. I'll let others be the judge of that!

A few times a year I get pulled out of this comfy little world I'm in and end up a stranger in a strange land. It happened again this past weekend and yesterday afternoon.

Last Saturday evening was the bridal shower for my friend JT (soon to be JD). It was a nice party, quite fun. And we did the usual bridal shower games. The word unscramble, dress the bride in a toilet paper gown...One of the games gave each person points if they had a particular item in their purse. Okay. I had my purse with me. So did the others. (Except my little sister's mom, MB.) So I'm sitting there as they call out the items getting no points. And these other women are racking them up. Everyone's laughing and someone asked me what I have in my purse. So I tell them "Uh, keys. Sunglasses. Drivers's License. Check book. Credit Card. Swiss Army Knife. Butterscotches." You know. The necessary items. LOL. Needless to say, the knife was NOT on their list.

But as I'm sitting there watching them pull item after item from their purses, I felt that disconnect again. That observing-another-culture feeling. It's quite bizarre when you're sitting there among contemporaries. I always get it when my world and the world of suburbia connect. I don't mind it, it makes me extremely grateful that it's not my world. Because every brush with it gives me this cloying, sick feeling. Like I'm about to be sucked under for the last time.

This time, though, I wasn't alone. I was watching MB and realizing that she too sits on the edge of that world, maybe not in the same world as mine, but on the edge as well. She had a quizzical look on her face as she observed everyone and took pictures. I imagine it's the same look I get. Like you're looking at something under a microscope, studying it. She has the family, husband, home. But her job seems to have grounded her in a different reality, I guess you could say. She manages a group home for developmentally disabled adults and well, that says a lot, doesn't it?

Now, I'm not knocking a traditional or suburban lifestyle. It works for others and that's fabulous. It just always makes me feel a stranger in a strange land. The language is the same, but the words are different. I feel like I'm trapped inside a very large, very insulated bubble, and nothing is real. A land where the fact that I don't carry three different kinds of lipstick and a makeup bag with five different applicator brushes is horrifying. [g] I guess from the other side of the aisle, my world makes people feel like a stranger in a strange land.

My little sister's 5th Grade Graduation ceremony was yesterday afternoon. It was interesting, yet gave me the same feeling. Sitting there with all these parents beaming with pride. [Hah! Like I wasn't beaming with pride when ST got on the honor roll - 3.95 gpa!]

Sometimes, when I'm in that "bubble", I have this almost overwhelming urge to do something. Stand up. Scream. Something. Anything. I wonder, what would happen? What would people do? Would the bubble pop?

But I don't. I didn't. I enjoyed myself and then escaped. To breathe fresh air again. And return safely to my own little world.

Delusions of Grandeur

I've always loved that line from "Return of the Jedi" when Han is being rescued from Jabba the Hut and Chewie tells him Luke's a Jedi Knight. Han, being Han, comments:

"Luke? A Jedi Knight? I'm out of it for a little while everybody gets delusions of grandeur."

Makes me laugh every time. At least, since I was old enough to understand it. ;) I'll pull it out every now and again (okay, as often as I can,) although no one ever seems to get it. Except my friend Diane...but she's known me since kindergarten, and is as big a Star Wars fan as I am. :)

So that's how I feel tonight. Like I've been out of it for a little while, and everybody's having delusions of grandeur. Well, "everybody" meaning me.

See, I went grocery shopping the other day, right before I heard about Grandma, and succumbed to "sale" pricing in the meat case. I saw this lovely t-bone steak, and just had to have it. Even got one all nicely marbled and everything. (Thank you J.B. and W's B. I have been listening the last 5 years.) So last night I pulled it out of the freezer and stuck it in the fridge to thaw. Got home from work and went to fix dinner. And whaddaya know, I'm not sure how to cook it. (Okay, so I haven't been listening that well.)

Seriously.

I've never cooked steak before. I mean, I've done the whole cubed steak for beef stews, etc. But never a t-bone steak, cooked alone as the main part of the meal. My original thought was grilling it, using McCormick's Montreal Seasoning. I've had that, it's good, and really, how different can grilling a steak be from grilling a burger? {are you seeing the 'delusions of grandeur connection yet?}

Considering it's 45F outside and raining, I don't think I'll be grilling tonight. Dilemma time. What do I do now?

Being a Woman of the New Millennium, I turned to the internet. Found several tasty recipes. Printed them out and headed to the kitchen. Okay, we can nix those requiring marinating time. I'm not willing to wait 1+ hours to start cooking. And we can pretty much toss all the others because, surprise, I don't have any of the ingredients. You know, those things called spices. (Turns out I don't have that Montreal Seasoning I mentioned earlier, either.) Sigh. There goes me being a cook...

So, I did the next best thing. Fried me up some potatoes, tossed a hot dog (all beef) on the stove. My arteries may be hardening, the Gator Patrol (BodyRev support group) will probably be goin' gator giggin' soon, with me as the gator...but hey...I cooked dinner tonight. ;)

The Power of Fifteen

Today I woke up in one of the nicest ways possible. With a phone call from one of my best friends wishing me a happy birthday. It was totally unexpected. In fact, I was expecting my Mom to call, as she’s done every morning for the last 2 weeks in an effort to help me get my sorry butt out of bed to REV before work. Really. You’d think getting up 15 minutes early wouldn’t be so hard to do. Apparently, for me, the original morning person, it is!

We had a wonderful chat, especially since we haven’t talked in months! I always ask myself, why do I let it go so long between phone calls or emails or letters? It’s a simple and pleasurable enough task, yet I never seem to get around to doing it. Weird. Then Mom called and really, how nice is it to hear Mom saying “Good Morning, I love you” first thing in the morning? [Insert Warm Fuzzies Here] Even though the phone calls took the place of my 15 minutes of exercise, I bounded out of bed in a great mood!

Determined to keep this outlook on the day, I made it to work 10 minutes early. ‘Traffic’ must have been with me today. Only to come in the door to conversations about yesterday’s tragic shootings at Virginia Tech. And the realization that a day that starts so beautifully can change so quickly. I know this already…I’ve had days changed tragically in less than a second myself. Getting the call that my grandfather was dying, getting the call that my aunt was dead…Strange how that one second can feel so heavy and horrible and like the weight of a thousand bricks on you, not coming one by one, but all at once. As if it was always there, you just didn’t notice – or care – before.

And just how suddenly it can change again to the opposite, with a phone call from my sister wishing me a happy birthday. Asking if the ‘package’ my 3 year old niece made for my birthday and helped to mail has arrived. (Must be what that lovely yellow slip I found in my post office box last night is for, that little slip that gives a huge warm ‘someone-thought-of-me-enough-to-send-a-package’ feeling.) Fifteen unexpected minutes out of my morning to chat with my older sister, whom I adore.

So now I’m back to where I was before, with a warm fuzzy in my chest, a smile on my face, and the wonder at the power of fifteen minutes. I think it’s my new favorite number.