Oxygen

Sitrep: Zero. My goal is to workout at the gym 2x this week.

This lack of good sleep is really getting to me. But at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Friday night was the sleep study. It was interesting, and I actually slept. I got to the hospital's sleep center about 7:30 and had a ton of paperwork to fill out regarding sleep patters, etc. They hooked me up to all sorts of wires/sensors: 1 on each leg 2 on chest 2 on back of shoulders 1 behind each ear 1 0r 2 (can't remember) under chin 2 on forehead 2-3? on my head. In my hair. With sensor paste. That was NOT FUN washing out the next day. Then there were the two nasal things - like the oxygen tubes, only not tubes. They hooked over the ear and rested just at my nose. That felt really weird. One was a temperature gauge, I can't remember what the Respiratory Therapist said the second was for. I also wore 2 bands; one over my diaphragm and the other over my upper chest. They wanted me to sleep on my back all night. That was the hard part. Then she showed me how to use the oxygen "mask", in case they needed me to use it in the middle of the night. She said that if I had enough measurable pauses/stopping breathing, they would put me on the oxygen for the last 4 hours to get some readings. Okay. She helped me into bed - someone had to hold all the flippin' wires. Then turned the lights out. I'd taken my usual sleeping pill, so I was able to fall asleep. But it felt like an eternity until I did. On my back, the whole night. Of course, I was apparently so afraid of flipping onto my side, I held my arms in one position too long, and they started to fall asleep. [g] At one point I woke myself up choking/coughing/gasping for air....Those don't happen too often (because I learned to sleep on my side). I'm glad it happened during the sleep study. About 1:30 the RT woke me up and put on the oxygen mask. Apparently I'd had enough "incidents".

Got 4 hours sleep using the mask; it was lovely.

Here's what the mask looks like:

Wearing it didn't phase me at all. Although trying to talk while wearing it was a bit difficult. I guess I'm just used to wearing stuff on my head (sinus eye masks to sleep, or wrapping a heating pad around my head when I have a headache). It'll take about 2 weeks until I hear the results. Still have the CT scan of my sinuses to look forward to. Then it's back to the ENT for results from sleep study, CT, and allergy testing. Between all this stuff they have got to find a solution for me.

Frankly, I just want the darn oxygen. My little sister's mom said to me at breakfast Saturday that she hadn't realized how badly it'd gotten for me until that morning. She said "I haven't seen you this chipper in a long time." [g] Yup. So now I have to eke my way through two more weeks; luckily I've figured out that if I get 11 hours of sleep per night, I can function. Although I haven't been able to work out how, exactly, I'm going to do that with my 2 nights I'm not home until 9pm (gym nights). Oh, well. I'll survive. :)

A Tidy Line of Trash Cans

Goals: 2x gym, 1x BodyRev Bootcamp, 1x BodyRev Abs

As I pulled away from my house this morning, it struck me that I forgot to put out the trash can for pickup this morning. Actually, I forgot to take the trash out to the big trash can in the first place. Even though I told myself multiple times last night to do so. I'm not sure I really like this new system of trash pickup. It was sooo much easier when they came twice a week and simply went down the back alley and voila, trash was picked up. Having to move the trash can to curbside is apparently a task I'm not capable of doing on a regular basis. Hopefully, once winter's over and I can store the can behind the house again, seeing it on a daily basis as I pass from garage to house, etc, will be a better reminder. But as I drove to work, for some reason those rows of tidily lined up trash cans struck me. It was a "Truman" moment. What is this perfect little world I've landed myself in? A world where everyone lines up their trash cans in this neat little row in front of the house. What, are there markers on the pavement? It was eerie. My street was the only one that was "off". Because of me. Hmmm. I wonder if the neighbors and others driving past think to themselves "What's wrong with that house? Are those people insane? Why can't they get their garbage can out and lined up?" Not sure why I'm blogging about this; it just seemed to me that in spite of my not wanting to have that traditional married with 2.5 kids and a picket fence lifestyle, I seem to have caught the trappings of it.... - House - Child (my little sister) - In-laws (my little's family) - Mortgage, taxes, home repairs, putting the trash out For some reason I just wanted to scream.

And So It Begins

Sitrep: Nothing new since yesterday. Gym night tonight.

Had my annual doctor visit today; due to the lack of quality sleep/snoring/potential sleep apnea issue, I have my first appointment with the ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat) doctor next week. Yippee. Not. My past experience with ENTs was not good. After 2 ENTs, multiple visits, x-rays, hearing tests (duh, I couldn't hear because the ear drops they gave me for an infection clogged my eustachian tubes - heard fine before then and after!!!), and results that said "you don't have allergies" in spite of the symptoms & past medical diagnoses to the contrary, I gave up on that field. But to get to a sleep apnea study, my doc wants me to go through the ENT. Ah'm thrilled. Seriously though. When I research S.A, I have a lot of the symptoms:

• Excessive daytime sleepiness (hypersomnia)
• Loud snoring
• Observed episodes of breathing cessation during sleep
• Abrupt awakenings accompanied by shortness of breath
• Awakening with a dry mouth or sore throat
• Morning headache
• Difficulty staying asleep (insomnia)
• Unrefreshing sleep
• Irritability/Depressed mood
• Unusual behaviors in sleep (i.e. night terrors, night sweats)

A friend of mine was talking with a friend of his about sleep and bad dreams, etc. She works in the medical field, specifically Sleep Disorders, and told him the list of sleep apnea symptoms. Turns out those extremely vivid dreams and night sweats are on the list. Finally. Something that explains the night sweats!!!! (No, it's not hormonal! Checked that already!)

Thank goodness my doc renewed the prescription for the sleeping pill. I'd be a zombie without it. Next week the ENT and so it begins...

Justified Outrage or Double Standard?

Sitrep: 30 mins Yoga (bad workout), 1x Gym (weights-legs, abs & 40 min treadmill)

So the battery on my MP3 player gave out just as I was getting onto the treadmill last night. Which means I plugged into the TV hookup. At first it was Biggest Loser, but that's losing interest for me, so when I saw Anderson Cooper 360 was starting with Obama, and the caption says "Obama Says He Screwed Up" (or something along those lines), I switched over. I have to wonder at everyone's outrage over Daschle's tax issue. Seriously. Why is everyone so upset? Because he made the mistake in the first place? Because he didn't pay it back right away? Admittedly, I haven't read any details recently. Way back this summer/fall I remember coming across something on this, but it's a vague memory at best. The way I look at it, we have a double standard for politicians and rich people when it comes to taxes. We love to flay them alive for tax mistakes, not paying enough taxes, etc. Yet how many of us scramble each year on our own taxes to pay as little as possible? How many of us have made errors and don't know it yet because we're small fry where IRS audits are concerned? How many of us have deliberately misrepresented facts or left off income all-together? What about my little sister's step dad, who had a home business with his first wife (decades ago) and she didn't file their taxes like she told him she did? It took until a few years ago for the IRS to figure it out and start attaching his refunds (and stimulus checks; his new wife's too, since they filed jointly when they got married, having no knowledge he owed back taxes.) No body is flaying him alive, or denying him a job (and yep, he worked for years where he managed budgets and finances for an adult group home.) And I gotta say, how many people when contacted by the IRS run right out and write that check. Wouldn't logic say "Look into this? What's going on?" Seriously. Is the issue in Daschle's case fraud? Was it deliberate? Will it affect his job performance? What if he didn't have the liquid funds to just write a check for $100,000? (That's the figure I thought I heard?). Speaking for myself, I'm going to do everything I know to minimize how much tax I pay. And if my CPA makes a mistake then so be it. If I ended up owing, you better believe I wouldn't be writing a check willy-nilly. Not with the horror stories I've heard about the IRS. I'd be demanding a review or whatever. And delaying as long as possible before paying the money. (And yes, my CPA has made a mistake, only it was in my benefit. He caught it after the fact and we filed the papers necessary to correct.) Maybe I'm being too generous here, but really. Is it justified outrage, or double standard? *I'm not a big Daschle fan, so my thoughts aren't out of partisanship or anything like that.

They got it wrong...

I guess this is a continuation of my last post. I watched the second part of PBS' Masterpiece Theater version of Wuthering Heights last night. It was only an hour. Combined, they gave 2.5 hours to this majestic book. They should have skipped it all together. Number One Peeve (I apologize for shouting): HEATHCLIFF DID NOT SHOOT HIMSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll say that again. Heathcliff did not shoot himself! And the whole death scene with Cathy...for Pete's sake. They left out the majority of the speeches. Heathcliff and Cathy had a heck of an emotional breakdown/fight before she died. And let's not forget the emotional meltdown she had that started her sickness to begin with. Some of the best writing of the book was left out. It was horrible. Made me think I was losing my mind, that I didn't remember the story as well as I thought (hah, I've read it so much in English I can - and have - read it in Spanish!) . So I pulled out my time-worn copy, and followed along. Yep. They left out a whole lot of the emotional, twisted, heart-wrenching speeches between Cathy and Heathcliff. And the whole scene where Edgar runs into Isabella? Puh-leeze. NEVER HAPPENED. One of my favorite scenes in the book is when she bursts into the kitches at the Grange shortly after Cathy dies, and relates how she ran away from Heathcliff, etc. Fabulous stuff. They left out a majority of the wild, obsessive, mental distraught/deranged verbiage between Cathy & Heathcliff. Made it look like, gee, Cathy got sick and died, not that in a fit of pique and stubborness and revenge she WILLED herself to die. Read chapters 11 - 16. I am soooooooo disappointed in PBS & Masterpiece Theater. What a hack job. All in all, they get a big fat F from me.

Getting It Right

Last Week’s Sitrep: Tues – 30 treadmill, 10 minutes crunches, 20 minutes bicycle Thurs – 45 minutes Life Fitness Circuit (setup w/1 set on 16 machines - weights, computerized system) Sat – 40 minutes swimming (making games up so my little & I were moving) This week: Goal - 3x workout at gym Completed 1x on Sun – 35 minutes weights (legs, arms, abs); 15 minutes Treadmill

Yet another attempt at adapting “Wuthering Heights” for film aired last night on PBS. It was okay, but disappointing so far. One and a half hours, when normally they go an hour and forty to forty five minutes. Yes, that’s only 15 minutes or so. You’d be surprised how that makes a difference. There was beautiful scenery. But the skips in the story drive me mad. An absolute lack of chemistry between the actors playing Heathcliff and Cathy was jarring to me. And the way they cut lines from some of the most important scenes, or re-worked them. Example: the scene Heathcliff runs away. He overhears the conversation between Cathy and Nelly up to the point she says it would degrade her to marry him. Then he runs off. After making her dramatic declaration “Nelly, I am Heathcliff”, in the book she soon learns he overheard, and she ends up getting sick in the rain trying to find him/waiting for him to return. Thus she ends up at Thrushcross Grange to convalesce. They trashed that whole conversation. This is one of the best scenes of the book, and lays much of the groundwork for Heathcliff’s determined destruction of them all. And then the way they kept switching the order of scenes around. The whole sketchy, jumping around, no explanations with Linton & Catherine (the daughter) at the beginning was so unnecessary. Confusing, detracts from Cathy/Heathcliff…I can only imagine what someone new to the story would be thinking. They have this problem with a lot of the film adaptations of WH. Either they don’t care to dedicate the time needed to fully adapt this book to film, or the person adapting hasn’t read the book, or read it enough. I just don’t understand, especially PBS. Maybe it’s because they’re trying to modernize Masterpiece Theater. I noticed some glaring shortening/editing of the Jane Austen films last year that left them disappointing. Why do they do this when I know they can do it right? Just look at that marvelous adaptation of “Pride & Prejudice” with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. Of course, I’m probably a bit biased as my first introduction to “Wuthering Heights” was the movie adaptation with Laurence Olivier and Merle Oberon. Granted, it’s an adaptation that only covered the first half of the book, including the end of the book with Heathcliff’s death. But the acting, the passion between the two leads, the fact that they didn’t re-work the order of the book, or alter/omit lines in the important conversations…now that is what makes the difference, I think. Ah, well. I’ll tune in next week no doubt, to see how they butcher the conclusion.

Look, it's an Elk!!!!

No, it's a Llama! "Hunter Shoots Wild Llama Thinking it's an Elk"

And I thought I had bad days. I think this might top any bad day I've ever had. Can you imagine how stupid this guy must feel? On an international level, no less!

Especially since he even wasted his tag on it. For Pete's Sake.

This is an elk. This is a Llama. Any Questions?

And this is a Moose....Grizzly Bears...Black Bears. Just in case.

Why do we let these people into my state? Oh, that's right. Money.

PS - Blogger is giving me fits lately on my work computer...so I hope this all shows up. Half the time I can't see what I've posted.

Do You Ever?

Understand this: you are the ONLY ONE who can change and cast off these shackles of limitation and turn your life into what you want it to be…until you do step forward, you will be a prisoner within yourself, a shipwrecked spirit without rudder or compass, subject to the winds of your own self-imposed limitations…or even worse, the limitations of others. ~ Alden Mills on Charlie Mike http://perfectpushup.blogspot.com/2009/01/perfect-promise-part-ii-team-perfect.html

Sometimes, when I listen to music, read a passage in a book, when the air and light are just so I feel like my inside self is doing pirouettes across the grass. As if I’m leaping through the air, like dolphins on a sunny day. Sometimes I truly understand what the Grinch felt when his heart grew two sizes. Sometimes, when I’m too tired, too stressed, too something, I feel like pulling in as much breath as my lungs can hold and just letting it out in the longest, loudest scream I can manage. Sometimes, when the sky is gray, the clouds play peek-a-book with the mountains, and it’s just plain cold out, I feel my heart squeeze tight with happiness, and can't help but sing. Sometimes, walking down a hallway at work, dealing with the minutia of life, I hear a carnival theme echo in my head. Sometimes, I don't. Do you, ever?

One Day In California

Sitrep: 60 min Weight Class (arms, legs, abs)

And I'm all done in. Not because of the class, either. My 5 year old niece is amazing, adorable, beautiful; full of sunshine and laughter. Not to mention energy. OMG. I'm not sure I can make it 2 weeks. But it would be a good way to go! Apparently she's quite taken with me. I haven't seen her since she was about 2 years old, so...From stories my sister has told, I knew she's a girly-girl. So I made sure I packed the makeup - including nail polish - I bought from my sister-in-law (who's an Avon rep now...in case anyone's interested: http://tomararogers.avonrepresentative.com/. This evening, after playing with her yesterday afternoon, most of the morning, all afternoon (including watching the little fish take a swimming lesson) I was keeping her busy while my sister and BIL cooked dinner...How?, you may ask? Why, by painting her toe nails & finger nails, of course. With my new Mulberry shade by Avon (reminder: gotta stock up, love this color!) And then we used her glitter coating polish on her toes. They called us for dinner, and we ran out into the kitchen. Okay, she danced, pulling me along. (FYI, she doesn't walk, she dances.) After she showed off her nails, she grabbed my hands and we did this spinning around thing. She ended up laying down on the floor "pretending" to fall down from being dizzy. I started to pull her up and she looked up at me and said "You're Great." A compliment, I'm told by her parents, she does not hand out lightly. [g]

Wood Pigeons

How strange that an article on wood pigeons would so recall the past, and make me falter as I read aloud.

Last night, trying to ignore the fact that my heart had decided to move into my head, I put on my headphones and listened to the audio book version of "Rebecca" by Daphne du Maurier. In spite of the throbbing heart beat bouncing between my ears, the pressure, the noise of said heart beat, the ice pack over my eyes and the heating pad on the back of my head/neck, my mind latched onto this section early on in the book; this sentence in particular, coming as it did after an article in a magazine catapulted the heroine into her past. It made me remember a split second when I was in Paraguay, doing something as inconsequential as hanging my laundry on the line to dry, when my happy-as-a-lark mood was overtaken by a pang of homesickness so sharp I had to stop for a minute. To this day I'm not sure what caused it. I really was in a good mood...I can still see that moment, the clear blue sky, the sunlight, the green of the trees and grasses and colors of the flowers. I can still feel that moment; how happy I was, how nice the sunlight on my face felt, how lighthearted the breeze brushing past me seemed. The sudden sharpness of the homesickness. It might have been the peace of the moment, the sound of a child's laugh or a call from one person to another across the yard that made me remember lazy summer afternoons and weekends as a pre-teen/teen, when I could lay on my bed in my parents house and hear the distant sound of lawn mowers and kids playing outside...Sunlight and air and people, all wrapped up into one big package of home and safety. Just one of those weird overlapping of moments, I suppose. But laying there in tears, (have I ever mentioned I'm pathetic when I don't feel good?) and waiting for something to make my heartbeat get out of my ears, that paragraph and sentence, that little remembered moment, did the trick. That's the last bit of the book and the last thought I remember before falling asleep. Strange, that.

I Want to Believe

Sitrep: ~15 minutes shoveling snow It’s funny how something as simple as a movie can make you rehash your life. (Or maybe I’m the only one that this happens too?) After a tough night Friday night (I have not had a nightmare so full of death of family members since high school…) I received my two latest Netflix rentals. One was this obscure movie with Hedy Lamarr- and obscure doesn’t begin to cover it. It’s from 1933, and made in Europe; Austria or Germany to be a bit more precise. It’s barely a talkie. Seriously. Mostly music accompanying the scenes, what speech there was was confined to single sentences. It was interesting, but no phenomenal. Shocking In that for a movie from 1933, there was definite nudity. Today, it would be rated “R”. Not what I was expecting from that era. Then again, it is a European movie…they’re a lot more relaxed about nudity than us Americans. The other movie, the one that caused the retrospective, was the latest X-Files entry: “I Want to Believe”. Not your typical X-Files, really. Much more into the emotional aspect, of Scully & Mulder (yes, this is where my dog’s name came from.), of Scully’s doubts, of Mulder’s need to believe. It was actually pretty good. The final scene between the two almost made me cry. (It could have been the lack of sleep...) Although sad to say I can’t even remember how the series ended. I didn’t think they were together at the end. Were they? I feel sometimes like I’m losing my mind, the things I can’t remember. But that last season, well, when Mulder left the show and Scully was having the baby and they started in with the whole male baby as some type of savior…I tuned out. Oh, I had the show on every week, I just read or did other stuff (like talk on the phone!). It was more habit, and hope it’d return to the quality of the previous years. That’s a far cry from the days where I refused any and all phone calls during an X-Files episode. I mean, I was a fan. I even talked my mom into taping it every week for the two years I was in the Peace Corps. What a Mom, huh? (This was in the days before you could get every season of every show imaginable on DVD almost as soon as they aired. And man, were those packages TREASURED. I got a few other PCVs hooked on the show. ) When was the last time a show captivated me that much? The answer is simple: there hasn’t been. I can’t think of a single show that has hooked me like that one did. Why is that? Is it the networks/lack of shows? It seems they are all Law & Order/CSI type shows or family dramas like the Sopranos or Brothers and Sisters, or reality shows. I barely watch the Biggest Loser anymore. None of the shows capture me, transport me, make me want to tune in for an hour that’s sure to capture my mind & attention. Or is it simply that I’ve changed? I’m just not sure. There’s a certain nostalgia when I look back on the days of my enthrallment with the X-Files. I’m not sure why. It’s just weird to me, that’s all. I’ve never had any troubles obsessing over shows or books. When did that stop? Why did that stop? I kind of miss it, to tell the truth. There’s something exciting about waiting for that next episode; the enjoyment of it. Oh, I got tired of the mythology story line, but when they did the other stuff, the creepy/eerie only-the-X-Files-does-this…What a ride it was! Now it seems it’s all angst and drama on TV. Everything is so soap opera-y. Not that that’s bad, it’s just too much angst for me. [g] I want entertainment, not angst. I want substance with my entertainment, too. I want more than a 30 minute sitcom. I want something different. I want a show that's story-line driven, not character-angst driven. I want something like the early days of the X-Files, or Star Trek: TNG. Where you have character stuff, but it's the indivdual episode stories that are great. Where you can miss a week and not feel lost in the next week's episode...

All's Well that Ends Well

This was some week. Wednesday's insanity at work was followed shortly after 7am on Thursday with a call from my good friend W that her dog, Crazy Horse, had died. He was 10, old for a Great Dane, and she knew his health was fading. But when she got up, he seemed fine, wanted outisde to pee. She let him out and a few minutes later heard him whining. She went to check on him and he was facing the house, lying on the ground. She went to him, he coughed twice, and died. Anyway. Thursday was a very rough day. I made it from my house to hers in 17 minutes, half the normal time... Saturday night I had a slumber party at my house. Shanni's step-dad was at his annual "hunting weekend" (puh-leeze, these men haven't hunted in decades! One walks at a shuffle, another has a colostomy bag..."hunting" is the last thing they were doing.) So the "girls" got together at my house. Shanni, her sister KT, Michelle & Josie. We tried this new pizza place in EH (very good) and got plenty of junk food. Came home and just had fun...facials, finger & toe nail painting...wine, naturally, for the adults. I gave the vino a pass as I've not slept well in over a month and that would just make it worse. But Michelle & Josie...well, light weights doesn't cover it. LOL. I have not laughed that much in I don't know how long. To the point I spewed egg nogg all over the coffee table...Apparently I wasn't done laughing yet. Who knew? My sides hurt I laughed so hard. It was the pictures that did it...And of course, I just have to share them. But on the QT, as my Grandpa would have said. My friends don't know I'm posting these. Oh, and for what it's worth...these were taken at the beginning of the night, just as the wine was poured...

PS - Don't ever tell Josie she's a scrapper. You've been warned. ;)

One of those days

Where it probably would have been better to not leave the house. Or the bed, for that matter. Sigh. I know better, when I get this tired. I just have no tolerance. Suffice it to say, very bad day at work. Had a run in with Attila over something so stupid...I saved us $2500 on something and she could see no good in it, totally was hostile and angry and I just couldn't handle it. When I get that mad and frustrated it can only come out...you guessed it...in tears. Lur-ve-ly. Mad myself scarce when that started. Ackkk. It got better, the boss backed me BIG time, and made Attila apologize to me. Heh. Anyway. Just wanted to check in. Gotta go...at class at the library. I'm such a geek in my spare time I'm taking a free class on L.i.nux at the library. 3 nights running. Sheesh.

Sixty One Trees

Sitrep: Back-sliding, Big Time. BUT on the road last week I only had french fries 1x; and that was after two frustrating days of working on our server & workstations remotely to fix a virus someone downloaded. And my computer crashed. Ughh.

Listening to NPR on the way to work this morning, I heard an interesting fact. Some scientist (I forget from where) used data from NASA to calculate how many trees there are on the planet. Using population figures from end of the year 2005, she calculated that there are 61 trees per person on the planet. She thought it sounded like a lot; being a big tree lover, I thought it sounded kinda puny. Especially when you factor in the number of books I've read over the years. Which got me to thinking; how many trees go into making a book, anyway? So I did what I usually do, I googled it. Here's the first site I looked at, which boggled this mere mortal's mind. (Dad, you'll probably like the math more than I did.) It doesn't seem there's definite answer on that. But being a tree lover, at least the world supports 61 trees per person, and trees are replantable. So now I think I need to look at how many trees I want to add to the world yearly to make up for what I use. Well, what I think I use, which is probably way less than I really do...I just have to take one real look around my office to know I'm way underestimating. But hey. Every tree counts, right? And when I consider that I've half-jokingly said for years that I must have been a Druid or a Dryad in a former life-time, why haven't I made a serious effort at planting trees before? And speaking of Druids; this past week I was in the "Big City" for work, and went to Bo.rders. Ahhh, what a lovely place to be. I love their bookshelves that look like library stacks...just for the sheer pleasure of being in a large book store that actually focuses on selling books, I wandered aimlessly through the store, scanning shelves as I went. Guess what I found? A book on Druidry. One that examines the Druids of Antiquity (what we know, anyway) to the revival today. And everything in between. I was sooo tempted to buy it...but, alas, that darn book budget of mine. I alloted $70 from my bonus to extra book buying. And believe you me, it went fast. The one on Druids just didn't make it high enough in the pile before the money ran out. [g] Is it a sign that I found that book that got me to thinking about trees and then heard the report on NPR today? Especially since I haven't listened to the radio on my morning drive for months...I much prefer audio books. Now if the Kin.dle would just drop in price, I might forgo paper books more. Maybe.

WHO robbed the woods, The trusting woods? The unsuspecting trees Brought out their burrs and mosses His fantasy to please. He scanned their trinkets, curious, He grasped, he bore away. What will the solemn hemlock, What will the fir-tree say? ~Emily Dickinson

My Soul Is Singing

And oh what a change from yesterday morning! I woke up around 1am yesterday (November 4th) and found myself praying to God, Jehovah, Allah, the Goddess, the Force, the Universe, to please please let O.ba.ma win. Wow. I'm not quite sure what I was dreaming (I didn't feel like I'd been dreaming, and usually I can tell). But I sure wanted him to win. I didn't realize how very much until that moment. All day I felt inside like I was yelling "Please". I even did that on the drive from H to B, about 4 hours, 3 of which I managed to listen to election coverage on NPR. I couldn't believe it when they announced it. I kept saying to Michelle (they called me on my cell) that I'd believe it when McC conceded and I heard O's acceptance speech. Then I'd believe it. I'm still stunned at how much he won by...and that he won the electoral and the popular. The first time in 30 years, I heard. He flipped Fla. Stunning. And came darn close to flipping Mont. For awhile there it looked good. It was within 3%. :) And what a wonderful speech. I was smiling, crying, happy. I've never been this invested in the results of our elections before. Some Mont. issues/initiatives did/didn't get passed as I wanted. My State Rep got re-elected, YAY! The idiot county commissioner screwing up zoning for the county got booted (another yay!), and it goes on. Only two bummers (minor ones) for me: Insurance Commissioner wasn't the one I wanted, and our single representative to the House (Federal level) got re-elected. Darnit. As happy as I am; as hopeful as I am; some real depressing stuff going on out there. Prop 8 in CA got passed. AR passed a law prohibiting unmarried people (gay OR straight) in a relationship from adopting OR being foster parents? WTF? Depressing. But then you have stuff like WA allowing physician assisted suicide... The spectrum is amazing. And overall, my soul is still singing. I actually have some hope. I'm excited about the future.

When A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Sitrep:

Positivity

Sitrep: 1x Rock Wall Climbing (or "Bouldering" as climbing without harness is called) I was going to post about Shanni & I at the gym last night, and the things I do simply because I don't want to let her down. And about how I have some kind of freaky high going on today (aka, "I'm in a good mood because I exercised yesterday which let me sleep well"). But I read Cranky Otter's blog post from yesterday, and I really just have to share it. I'm going to copy & paste it, (until CO makes me take it down. [g]) just because I don't want anyone to miss it because they'd have to follow a link: the following was written by Cranky Otter, Thursday, October 23, 2008 Tilting at Windmills This week when I drove to the farmers market after work, the proportion of "YES" to "NO" on 8 signs at a big intersection I pass through was way off in favor of yes. I bought my fruits and veggies and squash and my blood continued to boil. Instead of raging silently I decided to go talk to them. The staff at the arts council let me use a marker and a piece of paper to make a "NO H8" sign and tape it to my back. Then I hied off, parked at the mall, and walked over to the corner and started confronting the haters. For some reason that happened to be really effective, I just walked right up to the kids in a block of maybe 10 people and asked why they were holding signs. "To say Yes to 8". "Why?" "To Protect Marriage." "From What?" Adults interceded. So I asked why they thought it was ok to take kids to a streetcorner to help them profess their hate. To a one they denied having any hate for gays. Uh huh. They just want to protect society from going to hell in a handbasket of perversion. Well, what they call perversion, I call progress. If people weren't using the exact same arguments against gay marriage that they used against black people marrying white people, they might have a valid point. But as it is, they feel self righteous in denying other people rights they themselves are allowed. Intolerable. So I didn't change any of their minds, but I hope I planted the seed of doubt with the kids. And I was able to discuss with them, without screaming, but generally making enough of a pill of myself that I drove them off the corner. When they asked if prostitution should be legalized too I said yes. "Well obviously you're too far to the left for us to talk to." Uh, sure. And you're too far to the hate for me to like. They were particularly annoyed when I pointed out that laws that discriminate against differences in identity lead directly to things like the 15 year old cross dresser being shot to death in school two towns over a couple months ago, for being a little strange. Granted, when they left the majority of traffic had gone down, but I definitely think I hastened their departure. Which left a very small handful of "No on H8" people left over. But hey, we were there. One of the more lucid H8ers came back to chat, sans sign. His primary argument, despite having a gay brother whose long term relationship he "tolerates" but does not "celebrate", was that if gay marriage is allowed, suddenly sons and fathers will be marrying. Well, Sons can't currently marry mothers, so why the fear? He also thinks that gay sex is risky for health. ALL sex is risky for health. And straight people can have oral and anal sex too. Oh, and the "it's unnatural" argument? There are twice as many gay people as redheads. Even if there were only one though, by virtue of existing, gays are as natural as any other person. One person tried to ask me "if a six year old would prefer to live with his natural mom and dad or two dads". Then wouldn't listen if I asked if the natural mom and dad wanted to raise the child, were abusive, etc... saying I wouldn't answer his question as if his question was reasonable. He left when I insisted that there were more answers than just his two. What I should have said is, "If you asked a six year old if he wanted Cheetos for dinner, would he say yes? Should we then legislate that all kids should only have Cheetos for dinner?" I can't say it helped anyone but me for me to go do that. But I was heartened that a kid coming by on a skateboard stopped to ask the calm h8ter how he thought kids of this generation would judge their parents for promoting intolerance. And another young woman with a rainbow flag came by. I think that unless something is so dangerous that it causes immediate and lasting or fatal harm to the unwary, we should choose education over legislation for matters of personal choice - alcohol, cigarettes, other low toxicity drugs, and sexual choices. Things that need to be illegal (or extremely hard to get) are those things that cause immediate and lasting harm to the unwary, and behaviors that endanger or take advantage of people who have not or cannot give consent. Anything related to core identity, like sexual orientation or race, should be protected by law because we have shown time and again if differences are not legally protected, people who are different will be marginalized legally and socially. When people are protected legally, they become accepted socially. And I can't see any downside to tolerating other people choosing what is best for their family, as long as they don't mandate what is best for me and mine Thank you CO for being you and taking a stand! We should all be so inspired and brave!

Things I Learned...

Sitrep: Okay, I didn't get anything else done last week. Sigh. Lovely little stomach bug took me out of the equation. Goal: 2x Abs, 2x Gym visit

I guess I've been a single gal living alone for too long, because the last 6 weeks of having my little and her family live with me has, shall we say, broadened?, my self-knowledge. Considering I'm very self-aware as a general rule, it was a bit surprising to me. There were the usual things that got under my skin, like asking every other sentence "what did he say" or "what did he mean" or "what's so funny" (from the other room); Shanni's inability to understand my need to read quietly without explaining my book or carrying on a conversation with her at the same time. New Things That Irritate Me: 1) People not emptying the garbage can even when it's overflowing 2) Squashing over-full bag down so you can force more items in it and still not emptying it 3) Emptying the garbage and not putting a fresh bag in 4) Throwing trash in a garbage can that doesn't have a garbage bag in it 5) Putting a garbage bag in the trash can without removing items from #4 6) Leaving the butter out on the counter New Things That Make me a Teensy-Eeensy Bit Crazy: 1) Putting the little spoons in with the big spoons 2) Putting the little forks in with the big forks (c'mon people, how hard is this?) 3) Using every pan & pot in the world to make dinner and then not cleaning up 4) Using the very, very last of the toilet paper and not telling anyone until the mad "get ready for bed" dash begins at 10pm 5) Eating the last 2 slices of bread, leaving me nothing for breakfast...especially when you've been specifically warned I must say, items 1,2 and 5 on the second list were danger zones for me. Who knew having the silverware in the wrong spot would freak me out so? KT came upon me re-sorting the silverware and muttering "Big fork - little fork - big spoon - little spoon..." She gave me a weird look then wisely started loading the dishwasher. LOL. They moved out last Thursday, and while I do miss some of the chaos, just a little, I am relieved to have my home and solitude returned to me. The dog is thrilled...she slept like the dead the first 2 days. [g] Things are slowly returning to normal, the house is getting straightened up bit by bit...although they did a good job cleaning before leaving. KT is stopping by after school to clean the garage - animal crates, last few boxes, etc. And I even got some Halloween decorations out yesterday. Whoo-hoo.

I'm here...and it's First Snowfall of the Season

This week's goal: 1 hour exercise this week, any combo of any exercise; 2x BodyRev Abs Sitrep: 20 mins snow shoveling 15 mins Rock Wall Climbing 20 minutes shooting hoops 15 minutes pool time (no laps, just lazy swimming)

No search parties needed. On either account. [g] They're monitoring internet at work now and I've not been in the mood or able to rescue my computer in the evenings to get online. KT or Shanni are either on the computer when I get home or they squabble when it comes out so for the sake of my sanity I don't get it out. The cold weather they've been threatening us with finally rolled in last Thursday/Friday, and the snow came overnight Saturday and all day Sunday. There's about a foot of the stuff...or was, it's melting now the sun's out. We're supposed to get into the 40's... I finally got a new battery for the car...$118.00, Dad, so you didn't really get jipped on yours. Labor to get it changed was only $18.00. (The mechanic doesn't start with a minimum hour charge, who knew?) Anyway. Car starts like a dream now. And apparently they don't make a block heater for my engine. Huh. The 6 cylinder gas engine, yes. The 4 cylinder gas, no. Why, I have no idea. Oh well. The parents are back from their Spain vacation...yay! I like being able to call and talk again. Not that I did this weekend. But yesterday was all about snow shoveling, several hours at the gym, laundry/helping little sis and her family pack stuff up, and general recovery... The gym was interesting. We spent about 15 minutes in the rock wall climbing room; without ropes you can free climb up to the Red Line, which is about 10 feet up I think. Felt more like 20, personally...It's harder than I'd thought though I never would have made it up at all without the increased arm strength from REVing. I know this for a fact because I tried a rock climbing wall once before starting on the BodyRev and went nowhere, fast. At the 15 minute mark my arms started screaming, so we went to shoot some hoops instead. 20 minutes of that and I was begging Shanni to go to the swimming pool. Now, remember how I said it was snowing all day? Well, the pools are all outdoors. Yep. Heated, but outdoors. Nice enough view, but really. Windchill in the 20's (actually temp in teh 30's) and snowing does not make for a pleasant enough swimming experience even if the water is hot. After 20 minutes I told Shanni I'd meet her in the hot tub. LOL. She wasn't far behind me. Anyway. That was all my fun. Except for taking pics of the dogs. Got a funny one of Scully - she'd been out in the snow and I call this the punk rocker look:

The Reason I Cringe

"the proposal is big and the reason it's big is because it's a big problem". G.W.Bush That's the best our president can do? That's the best he can say? God. No wonder confidence is crumbling. If all the people surrounding him can't come up with something better than that to explain the madness of our government's actions this week, we are in dire straits indeed. It's the reason I cringe when I turn on the news now. Where the heck are the economic and business advisers? The REAL ones, not the ones that got us into this mess. Why isn't anyone standing up in front of the people and saying "This sucks. We know it sucks. But we have to do this without a guarantee of getting all the money back. Even then, the economy will get worse before it gets better. The taxpayers are going to take the burden. CEO salaries and golden parachutes ARE NOT THE PROBLEM THEY ARE A DISTRACTION. Right now we HAVE TO FOCUS ON STABILIZING THE FINANCIAL SECTOR. After that we can deal with the salary cap issue. After that we can deal with the wrong-doers, the speculators. But WE HAVE TO STOP THE CHAOS FIRST." We need to be told in blunt terms the average person can understand that this is not a bailout of the CEO's. This is a bailout of the economy. Which affects all of us. Yeah, no ones paying my mortgage. But financial stability is necessary for economic growth. We may not reach the levels of the Great Depression, but things aren't going to be great for a few years. Unemployment will rise from historic lows, interest rates will go up from historic lows, home buying/values will still decrease from historic highs...But these are all things that need to happen. The economy cannot sustain a high forever. Corrections are needed. We can't hold them off. And the longer we hold them off, the harsher the correction is going to be in my opinion. I'd apologize for yelling, but I need to vent in a BIG WAY about the stupidity of Congress finally listening to "what the voters want" when most of the voters (myself included, even if I do have an Economics degree!) don't have the slightest clue how the economy works, how everything is inter-related, how the banking & finance system works, or the short and long-term effects of bailout vs no bailout. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO LISTEN TO JOHN Q PUBLIC. Once again, politics trumps doing what's better for the people/country as a whole.