A Bird in a Pocket

Sitrep: 1 migraine, 0 workouts

Last night I had a very interesting dream. Very vivid, like usual. I was someplace outside the United States, possibly a Peace Corps type of deal. In my dream I was walking across a very large, bustling city. Very much like those I visited in South America. I was carrying a bird and a dog. Or was it a cat? Something along those lines. The bird was little; I could just hold it in one hand. It was almost like a Bluebird, but somewhat like a parakeet. The dog/cat was little, kitten or puppy size, but awkward to carry. The bird was hard to hold onto, and the dog/cat too heavy to hold with just one arm. I didn't dare put the dog/cat on a leash because of all the people. Or I didn't have a leash. Not sure which. I was desperately searching for something to put them in so I could carry them home more easily.

I wound up at some type of store that had tons of used boxes. The shop owner and her son tried to help me find a box, but they were all too shallow for the dog/cat. Then the shop owner's son handed me a plastic case with a zipper opening and holes poked in the sides. "Try this," he said to me. (It was almost like one of those makeup/toiletry bags.) I opened it and laid the bird and the dog/cat in there. Amazingly the dog/cat is now small enough to fit in there. But the little bird does not like it when I go to zip it up, and it's beak pierces through the plastic and hooks into my hand or finger. Almost like a fish hook, deep. I gently pry the bird loose and take them both out of the bag and continue on my way.

I think my brother and sister were mixed in here somewhere, but can't remember too much. Only part I remember is teasing my brother that my sister was artificially inseminated 7 years ago, and that's where my niece came from. I think my SIL smacked me on the head for being mean to my brother at this point.

[Except in real life, my niece is 4 and there is NO doubt my BIL is her father. He & my sis have been together at least 11 years now? And my niece resembles her Dad quite a bit. Red hair, anyone? She definitely gets that from my BIL. But I digress, and really, that was just a blip in the dream as I needed to find something for the bird and dog/cat to travel in.]

Next part I remember, I'm at or approaching my apartment, and run into someone I know. They are sympathetic and suggest I go to a nearby Kmart type store. I've already been there, but agree to go anyway. I put the little bird in my pants pocket, with one hand gently covering the opening to keep it safely stowed, without hurting it. We get to the store and now there's a new row, tucked behind/to the side of the regular pet stuff, and I start to recall having seen those airline approved travel crates there before. Lo and behold, I find one for the dog/cat. The bird is more difficult. There are some cages, one pretty bizarre looking one with a bottom corner bent in. But I can't tell if they're airline approved for travel.

I'm still trying to keep the bird in my pocket, and look through the cages. (The dog/cat is safely stowed in it's crate by now.) My friends and the store workers aren't much help, they start asking me about the papers for the animals. Have I gotten the papers and approval to take them out of the country? I'm still frantically asking them which bird cage is travel-approved by the airlines. Now I realize I haven't gotten the papers and am leaving in two days.

[FYI, it took several weeks for the paperwork to bring my dog back from Paraguay to come through]

Last thing I remember about the dream is being near tears, unable to find a cage for the bird, trying to keep it safe in my pocket, and not knowing if I can bring it home with me.

Then my alarm went off. I am not sure what in the heck this dream means. Very, very, weird. Where the heck did the bird come from? I never dream about birds. I can't even remember dreaming about birds before, except for one dream where I was a hawk/falcon size bird and flying. Actually, I transformed from human to bird to human...That dream was years ago (literally) and I still remember many, many details, more than just that.

Anyway. I can't shake the feeling I had at the end of the dream.

Pictures and Words

Sitrep (last week): 1x Boot Camp, 1x Boot Camp (20 mins), 1x Legs
Weekly goals: 2x Boot Camp (entire workout), 3x Abs

Do you ever do those exercises where you close your eyes and try to picture something? An item, a person, a place? I'm talking about just seeing it. No words, just the image. I used to be decent enough at this, but over the last years I've noticed that it's harder and harder to do. I need words to describe, to build that image. I can't just see it.

I wonder if that's because I've always been a reader? I prefer books to movies, although I partake of my fair share of both. It's rather bizarre because I dream so vividly. And it's all about images and sound. I don't need words to create the dreams. And many of my dreams are "entertaining". It's like I'm creating books/movies in my mind. There are plots and everything. A lot of those types of dreams I enjoy. I've had three of them in the last week and a half, which is why this comes up.

Last night's was great, what little I can remember. Weird, no doubt based on my current reading/watching schedule, but good. Kind of Elizabeth Vaughan (Warprize, Warsworn, & Warlord - my favorite discovery last year) meets Jane Austen. (Watched the latest adaptation of "Persuasion" on Masterpiece Theater last night. It didn't do the book justice. When it ended at 1 1/2 hours, I was surprised. I hope "Northanger Abbey" next week is better!)

So it seems in my unconscious state I'm plenty good at creating images. But in my conscious state words get in the way. (I can see my brother shaking his head at this. He's thinking "Duh.", I'm sure. He always did hate my tendency to be "wordy". Probably because I use them as a shield a lot of the time!) One time, I even remember the credits rolling at the end of the dream. It still makes me laugh to think about it. I actually woke myself up laughing that time!

I wonder if tonight's dreams will be as fun. Medium is on TV tonight. Along with a new Jon & Kate plus 8. Along with my rewatches of Law & Order and History Channel/CourtTV (aka TruTV) fare, I'm surprised I sleep at all.

Here's what I'm reading right now:

1) The Gift of Fear by Gaving de Becker
2) Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie & Bob Mayer
3) The Circle Within by Dianne Sylvan
4) Movable Harvests: Fruits, Vegetables, Berries: The Simplicity of Container Gardens by Chuck & Barbara Crandall
5) Best Garden Plants for Montana by Bob Gough, et al.

Sing or Whine

Sitrep: 1x Boot Camp (all of it! except last cover drill)

Every once in awhile I read something that hits home. Something that makes me stop and think or see more clearly or clarifies something or reminds me of what I already know. Last night was one of those nights, so I thought I'd share the passages here. It's from "The Circle Within" by Dianne Sylvan.

"On the outside we 'do unto others,' but on the inside there's a patchwork quilt of self-abnegation, societal stereotypes, the opinions of others, and every mean thing anyone has ever said to us eating away at our spirits while we smile at the world.

Far more important than the way others see us is how we see ourselves. The gods do not judge us, but we manage to do so quite well on our own, heaping self-loathing on ourselves that we would never direct toward others. Sometimes we are kinder to our enemies. We are taught from an early age, and by example, to be casually cruel to ourselves: 'I'm so fat,' 'I'm such an idiot,' 'I must be the ugliest person on Earth.' When you find yourself cursing the mirror, stop and think: would you walk up to a total stranger and say, 'My god, man, who hit you with the ugly stick?' If you would, put this book down and seek help.

If not, ask yourself why a complete stranger deserves compassion and you don't." (pg 44)

"The important thing isn't so much that s*&% happens, the important thing is what we do with the s*&% afterward. We can choose to remain victims, to act out of vengeance, or to curl up in a ball and hide, or we can choose to stand up and grow. No one can decide how tragedy will affect us but us. Sing or whine, it's our decision." (pgs 45-46)

Things I've Learned in 2008

Sitrep: Zero. Again. Sigh. No excuses. I just didn't work out last night.

So it's the eighth day of 2008 and already I've learned a few "lessons" (or had a few revelations.)

1. If you delete something from the system, people will notice. Eventually. (Learned by observation, not by doing. I'm not stupid enough to delete anything.)

2. A coat of nail polish applied on top of an already existing coat of nail polish will work as nail polish remover. But only once you've left the house.

3. TV shows about hauntings are best avoided when you're me. Especially when they're about dogs being killed. Just saying.

4. Every year I have a "one-night stand" with the doctor. Ever think about that? Your breasts get felt up, something's inserted & swished around in your va-jay-jay (cracks me up to say that.[g])...Only difference is you get no pleasure out of this one-"night" stand. You also don't get dinner first, and you eventually get a bill. What is up with that???

5. I now reach for healthy snacks when moderately stressed: Got stressed at work this morning (I really wish coworkers would leave me alone) and thought "OMG, I really need something sweet." And in response to that thought I got a yogurt out of the fridge.

Well. Better get back to work now. Gotta earn my paycheck somehow. ;)

Mental Tornado

Sitrep: 1x Boot Camp (~45 min), 1x Boot Camp (30 min)

Goals for January 7-13:

1. Monday - Boot Camp (at least 30 min)
2. Tuesday - Abs
3. Wednesday - Boot Camp
4. Thursday - Abs
5. Friday - Boot Camp
6. Saturday - at least 30 minutes of any activity that gets me moving, with my little sister
7. Sunday - at least 30 minutes of any activity that gets me moving

I can't believe I'm scheduling myself to do Boot Camp three times this week. Insane. But I'm enjoying it, so, why stop a good thing? It's making me work harder than I have been.

So I feel like I'm in a mental tornado this morning. A gazillion thoughts zooming around in my head. I had an idea at some point on what I wanted to blog about, but, alas, it is gone. I had a good title and everything. Ya know, sometimes I think I'm getting early alzheimers. [sigh]

Maybe it's just the fumes from cleaning house yesterday. Did one of those semi-annual bathroom cleanings. The kind where you bleach the tub, etc. Got a new shower curtain liner, because, really, the one I had was no longer cleanable. I think if I'd dipped it in bleach one more time it would have disintegrated. Sorry if this is TMI, but it was getting to the point even I didn't want to step into the shower. [Mom, if you're reading this, it's just a nightmare, go back to sleep.]

Getting irritated by my bathroom sink. Used almost a whole 80oz Liquid Drain Gel bottle on it, various times throughout the day, and the darn thing won't stay unclogged. I'm gonna have to take the sink apart, damnit, because the drain plug is "attached" and can't be pulled out. Sometimes I hate my hair. [Sigh]

And then my brain is off on politics, what with the primaries being so prevalent in the news. Am I the only one that thinks we should have a national primary? Everyone votes on the same day, only one vote per person. The candidate for each party (including independents) with the most votes gets to run for president. That way the media can't do what they've done in this election cycle: decide who are the top candidates and focus all media attention on them. Drives me nuts. Because they limit the free coverage to just those people, which in my mind is an unfair advantage! I also don't like the fact that the current primary system lets a handful of states determine who actually runs for president, and the electoral system then lets a handful of states determine who becomes president. And yes, I even felt this way when I lived in FL, a state that plays a big role.

Off on another tangent (life is so much better when I don't watch the news in the morning): What the heck is up with this new book by Morton on Tom Cruise? I have to ask myself - If we were to substitute Christianity for Scientology, would it be such a big deal? Seems to me that heavy involvement in your church is a good thing. So what if it's Scientology? I don't remember Cruise being on the news lately for drunk driving or drugs or spousal abuse or incest or...Being very involved in your church is always praised as such a good thing for Christians. Drives me nuts.

Get a grip, get a life, move on Nat!!!!

At work this morning they announced who is taking over when the boss retires. Looks like the new CEO will start on Feb 1, with the current CEO staying through the end of February. I'm so bummed. I know the new CEO, we all do, he's a previous president of our board, we've worked with him a lot in the past on various issues/projects. He's very qualified for the position, he's a very nice guy. I'm just not sure what kind of boss he'll be. It's also gonna be sad to see RM go, and then there's that whole "change" thing. I hate that. I deal okay, am pretty flexible, just makes me uneasy.

So I'm gonna focus on the good things. :) Got some good cleaning/organizing done this weekend. Talked quite awhile with my SIL Friday after work. Still miss them a lot. Especially how much we laughed together. It snowed Saturday while I was at Costco with Shanni. 20 minutes in the store and we exit to a whiteout. Sweet. It blew over within 10 minutes leaving little on the ground. But it was snow! :) Did Boot Camp several times last week although last night it was only 30 mins. Got too overheated I think. Because I really pushed myself on those cover drills. Did I ever mention that I hate cover drills?

Oh, which reminds me, is anyone out there the least little bit worried that Alden's teaching me how to kick a door in?

Ah, the joys of being an adult

Sitrep: 1x Boot Camp (~45 min), 1x Abs Essentials #2

When the cat's away, the mice will play.

That's how I feel about some of the "goings on" while I was on vacation. Apparently a local Sand & Gravel company applied for a permit to begin a new gravel pit about a mile or so from my house. Smack dab in the middle of my town, really, on 111.5 acres. EH is probably 95% residential as it's just a sleeper community for H. Nice of them to try to run this through during the holidays, isn't it? I just got wind of it yesterday afternoon.

So last night I ended up at a local community meeting to inform everyone about the issue. Now, I can normally be found on the side of environmental protection, and private property rights, and yes, the two can work together. I'm also practical and understand that these kinds of projects have got to go somewhere. With the proper forethought and protections in place, I could be okay with this particular project. Except for a few things:

1. The Environmental Assessment provided has very little data to backup the "minimal" impact they claim they will have
   
   
2. This will not increase the tax base as they will be closing down their other gravel pit that is pretty much played out
   
   
3. They've used one months worth of data to determine the water level, and want to mine to within 5 feet of that.
   
   
4. We are already a designated Super Fund site with much cleanup of soil and water going on. They've supposedly done two 4-pt tests on 111.5 acres to determine that it is not contaminated. WTF? When the majority of plots around this property have had to have their yards replaced?
   
   
5. There's a loophole they can use to avoid having to apply for a water permit - means no study whatsover of the impact the 24/7 operations will have on our aquifer level and existing wells. An area already having problems. Heck, the whole valley is having water issues.
   
   
6. Their existing operations have had multiple violations for non-compliance with dust control, noise, air quality, etc.
   
   
7. Main access road is already below county standards for existing amount of traffic. The county keeps denying residential subdivisions because of this, even when the developers will pay half the cost of repairs/improvements to the road. The county requires an engineering report and cost estimate. This EA has none of that, and they say the estimated minimum 76 trucks per day (no mention of # of trips per truck) is a "slight" increase.
   
   
8. It's next to several elementary schools, how about air quality of the kids breathing in the dust daily, dust which may well be contaminated with lead, arsenic and cadmium?
   
   
9. Reclamation portion of the EA is sketchy at best.

See, I could go on and on...So I've done my dutiful, voting, property-owner bit and put in my comments to the Dept of Environmental Quality (the comment period ends today!), talked to my local representatives and county commissioners (who were at the meeting last night, too.) I'm not totally against the project, I just think they need to do a proper environmental assessment. I've read the EA myself, there is very little factual/statistical data in it. From what I hear and read in news articles (thank goodness for the internet!) this is not a very good EA done by the DEQ. Even engineers who do these things for the DEQ are saying so. It's like they just checked things off the list, not expecting there'd be opposition.

The sand & gravel company purchased this land in 2001, and have not posted any signs saying they were going to mine it or anything. They have another parcel of land just a bit further north of this one, where they have had a sign posted for fifteen years saying they were going to mine there, and they've already gotten the permits. The housing developments in that area were put in after that.

So why the rush? Because the area is about to be zoned by the county as residential, that's why. If they get at least one of the permits they need prior to that, they will be grandfathered in and able to develop the pit and processing plants in this area.

I have little hopes they'll do another EA or an environmental impact statement, or deny the permit. So it looks like I'll be breathing dust by year's end. Just what my allergies needed. Sigh. And this will most likely not help my property value. Who wants to live that close to a 24/7 mining operation?

Here Come Nat's Nails

Sitrep: 1x Boot Camp (~45 mins)
Due Tonight: Abs

I had a nice evening yesterday. Got home and ate dinner. Postponed boot camp 'cause I was waaaay too hungry. Forgot to take my snacks to work with me. Ooops. Then, since I had to wait a few hours before working out, I decided to paint my finger nails. Yep. You read that right. I painted my finger nails. Turns out the nail polish I got for Xmas appears to be a light pink in the bottle, but on my fingers it's actually a deep, bright pink. They're very, ummm, "here come Nat's nails" today. [g] But I haven't chewed them a single time this morning. That's why I painted them. I'm hopeful that if they are pretty looking, it will help me not chew them down to the nub.

So two of my shows are back on the air - "Wife Swap" and "Super Nanny". Not sure if I should own up to watching the first one. I have no idea why I do. Maybe to reinforce my life choices? To go "See, it really is NOT greener on the other side of the fence." Or maybe it's just because I like to see people argue...it totally caters to my bad side. There were actually two episodes of "Super Nanny". The one I wanted to watch was the second one. Figured it out about 10 minutes into the first one at 8.

So I quickly started Boot Camp. I did 30 minutes of it, up to the third set of push ups, before I started skipping. Of course, by 20 minutes into it I was starting to struggle. Made myself continue on to the first set of floor exercises. Can I just say that I'm actually getting the hang of those kicks? If I keep this up, I might just be able to kick down a door someday. If I needed to. IF it was hollow. And not metal. Anyway. I fast-forwarded the rest of the standing/cardio exercises and just did the remaining abs work and cool-down/stretches. Got done right as the second episode was starting.

Naturally, this is when a friend called to chat. I took the call since we hadn't chatted in awhile, and TV episodes do rerun eventually. :) I was sitting on the floor (hadn't made it to my feet yet) and the nail polish was at eye-level on the coffee table. So I got this wild hair and decided to paint my toe nails to match my finger nails. Yep. You read that right, too. I painted my toe nails.

FYI - it's not easy to paint your nails right after doing Boot Camp. It was a little difficult to control where the polish went because my arms were trembling. LOL. If you're gonna do this, make sure you have lots of nail polish remover. Which I don't. Since it's a "girl" item. Which reminds me. Is there a master shopping list somewhere for "Being A Girl"? Because really. I'm sure there are plenty of other things I need but just don't know about. Yet.

Hello, 2008

Sitrep: 1x Bootcamp.
Weekly Goal: 1x Bootcamp (tonight), 2x Abs #2, 1x Cardio

Who the heck stole the last five days? Yikes. I was going to blog on Friday, just to report in that yes, I was able to get out of bed after doing Bootcamp on Thursday. Surprisingly, I didn't hurt as much as I expected. I guess the previous year's worth of exercise does make a difference.

One thing I did notice was that a different set of muscles was "aching" after Bootcamp. I was wondering if it worked anything different since most of the moves are the same as the Essentials DVD (if you did all 4 workouts back-to-back and amped it up. A Lot.) Well, it does. I enjoyed it and am looking forward (no, I'm not running a fever!) to incorporating it into my routine. So here's what my weekly goal is for this week. I'm not going to bother about Monday & Tuesday as they are long gone...

Wednesday: Bootcamp
Thursday: Abs
Friday: Cardio
Saturday: Abs
Sunday: Free Day - 30 mins of any activity of my choosing. [Excluding PS2 & TV]

Alden has a great post on his blog about Resolutions. He limits himself to three. Funnily enough, I started out thinking to limit myself to one resolution only. But broadened it to three before I'd even read his New Year's Day post. It's not quite in the three areas he's talking about, but here they are:

1. Stop Chewing My Nails.

Yes, I'm 34 and chew my nails. Sigh. But having gotten some nail polish for Xmas (well, I did ask for Girl Stuff) I guess I really need to have nails to polish. I've done this before, believe it or not. The final year in Paraguay with the Peace Corps I was so mellow I didn't need to chew my nails. It was fabulous! I am going to do it again. It's a nervous habit that I can break. Heck, if I can get myself exercising like I have been for the last sixteen months, I can do this.

2. Continue with Exercise & Sensible Eating

Weekly exercise goals, swim buddies, healthy food choices, realistic portion sizes and lots of water will play a major part in this. I'm going to try something new this year. Instead of just saying how many times a week I'm going to do a certain exercise, I'm going to assign a specific day. Otherwise it's too easy to decide to do the easy workouts today, with tomorrow (ie, the hard workouts) never arriving. ;)

3. Re-start the FlyLady system at Home & Work

When I was doing this at my last rental, before buying the house a year and a half ago, it was fabulous! Things got done at home, at work...I remembered birthdays and other events, things were on time, not forgotten, less stressful. I could throw a party at my house with 3 hours notice. And most of that 3 hours spent at the store getting snacks & decorations. I am not kidding. Ah, those were the days. http://www.flylady.net/

Anyway. Those are my 3 goals for the year. Very attainable, I think.

Happy 2008 to everyone. May it be a fun year with plenty of happiness and health, and just a pinch of salt to keep the really bad stuff away!

Whose Bright Idea WAS This, Anyway?

I'm posting this tonight because I might not be able to get out of bed in the morning.

I just did almost all of BodyRev Bootcamp.

I know, I know, what the heck was I thinking? I think I was thinking "oh, this isn't so bad, I can do a few more minutes..." Except for about 20 minutes into it, after the second set of pushups, when I went F-this...and forwarded through about 10 minutes of cover drills & kicks/blocks to get to the abs section. Those were okay. Is it my imagination, though, or does he do a heck of a lot more reps in Bootcamp than the Essential Abs? (I've only done through E. Abs Intermediate).

After Abs I went ahead and did the rest. Only at maybe half the speed that Alden does. And I could not do that last set of cover drills. When I heard myself whimper at his announcement of one more set of cover drills, I new I'd done enough. Did the cool down and here I am in my PJs on the sofa. My BodyRev still in the middle of the living room floor. It can stay there. LOL. I'm not about to pick it up.

My arms and legs are all quivery. My back, shoulders, and abs, too, now that I'm inventorying. (Is that even a word?) I think lack of blood to the brain (or the rush of blood to the brain) combined with not enough oxygen is making me giddy. Feels like all my muscle groups are sending out messages to each other going "What the h@## was that?????????". Kinda like we all did here a few years back when that 5.6 earthquake hit. Burned up the phones lines calling everyone going "What the h@## was that???? Was that an earthquake?" Except all my body can get out is "What the h@## was that????"

It does feel good in a sick, demented, kind of way. It's those darn endorphins speaking, I tell you. But really. It does feel good to actually do something, and not just sit around eating all day. To set a goal, meet it, even exceed it somewhat!

So here's to staying Fired Up! If I can make it to the kitchen, I might just toast myself with a small glass of Egg Nog. :)

I vs I

Sitrep: Embarassed to write this - nothing for the last 2 weeks. [hanging head]

Today's Goal: 15 minutes of Bootcamp

Christmas this year was most excellent (as Bill & Ted would say.) Woke up at 2am, unable to sleep. And not in any Xmas morning excitement kinda way, either. In a too-much-Clar.itin kinda way. sigh. I loaded up the car and headed over to my little sister's at 6 am. She wanted me there at 6:30 but originally I said no, but I'd do 8am. Then we haggled a bit and settled on 7:30. I texted her at 6am to let her know I was on the way. Naturally, they were all awake and waiting impatiently for me.

The morning passed in a frenzy of glittery paper and bows and boxes and squeals of delight. Some presents were even kissed. Not the giver...the gift got kissed. LOL. It wasn't me, and it wasn't a book...It was, however, a gift I gave. ;) Instead of a big dinner, we made a big breakfast. Eggs, homemade biscuits, gravy, sausage, bacon...Oh, what a delight. Even better, we didn't cook or eat until after the presents were all opened. Whoo-yah. Now we're talking. I always hated opening our stockings, then having breakfast and then opening our presents. For pity's sake....A girl can only take so much!

I got tons of cool stuff. Even GIRL STUFF. Yes, it merits capital letters. [g] Eyeshadow, nail polish...Of course, Michelle whispered in an aside to me "we'll show you how to use it." Heehee. Now I need to stop eating my nails. Got "Metro Girl" by Janet Evanovich. I lied to my little sister. She was so happy to have found it, although I've already read it. When she asked if I had, I said "Nope." Sorta true...I listened to it on audiobook so I haven't actually read it. But it's been her first attempt to pay attention to what I like and go pick out the present herself. Got my "wicked" good slippers (putting them to good use.) And some great PJ's. The best part about this Xmas was all the stuff I got was stuff I needed and can use.

One surprise gift I got was the DVD of "The Secret". Based on the popular book. Or it seems a popular book. Shanni's older sister carries it with her everywhere; it's her "bible". So. Not having read the book, I was clueless. Got home around noon, made the return call to my parents, and then popped the movie in. It was interesting. Nothing new to my ears (maybe I watch too much Discovery Channel and History Channel.) Reminds me of a lot of Eastern Philosophy, Chi, etc. But it's a good message.

Especially if Shanni's older sister actually follows through and does this. Focus on the positive, etc. But if you ask me, that girl just needs a swift kick in the butt and nobody willing to bail her out. ;) But back to "The Secret"; I'm a bit of a skeptic, had to roll my eyes at some parts, the background a bit distracting (especially that darn floating key - I kept wanting to click on it....too much video gaming, maybe?!?) , the lettering extremely hard to read. Of course, that last could be my eyes and my smallish TV set. I've been pricing HDTVs but just can't make myself spend that much.

One thing that stuck with me was a comment one of the "experts" (not sure what they are called. Holders of the Secret???) made. It basically went like this: There's being informed and then there's being inundated. Huh. Kinda what I do to myself, I think. Which is probably why I had that huge rant the other day all sparked by wanting some Clarit.in-D.

I have a tendency to get inundated very easily...especially when it comes to politics and current events, etc. But even in everyday life. It's why I like it out here so much, and why city living is just not for me. I loved visiting my brother & sil in TN, but was so glad to get off the plane here in MT. I can't remember ever feeling such relief upon arriving home. [It could also have been because of the delays and missed connections and hostile airline staff.]

Anyway. I'm working on my "shields" but it's imperfect at best. And when I'm tired or sick...My brain gets to a point I can't process anything on it's own, but everything all at once. It's overwhelming. So I just need to learn the point between being informed and being inundated. And learn when to turn everything OFF. The TV does not need to be on all the time. Try some music instead, Nat. ;)

PS - I beat the "Changing Brains" chapter in the "Nightmare Before Christmas" game. Hah. It only took me a solid 2 hours on the 24th. But I did it. Once. Got a nightmare rank of "C". Haven't tried it again. The only time you can get the brain into the Doctor's head is to throw it right before the darn bolts of electricity fire. Just make sure you have a life left. Or you die before the brain goes in. Stupid game. ;( Beat the next chapter multiple times that night too. It was an easy one! :) I also figured out if I went to town and stocked up on "life" and "firebombs", etc, then saved the game before attempting the brain changing part, I could just exit the game when I died instead of choosing "continue". Then I'd reload the saved game. Didn't loose money or "life" that way. Hah. :)

When Commercials Are True to Life

Or should that be the other way around?

So this weekend I finally felt well enough (note use of well vs good - hope I got it right my BB friends!) to move around and do stuff. Yesterday I pretty much gamed all day - played "Nightmare Before Christmas: Oogie's Revenge" on my new used PS2. Took a break to go grocery shopping (desperately needed!) and to dust the living room. Did that because the layer of dust on the TV was making it harder to kill the "bad guys".

You know that commercial that shows the adult playing the leapster handheld electronic game with the boy? And she's all excited about the level she's on and he's higher? Well, that's me and my nephew. Really. See, I tested the game at their house when I bought it, since it was used. He really liked it, so we played it several times. The last time we played for several hours, and my oldest niece played as well. I joked that I needed them (especially my nephew) to run through the game for me first so I could see how to beat the bad guys. Well, it might have been a joke when I said it, but it's now the truth. LOL. I've made it all the way to the level after the last one my nephew beat. And I keep dying. Darn it.

It's not my fault. OK, it is my fault. But you have to get behind the doctor (who is in a chair that keeps swiveling), pull open his head, get in front of him, grab his brain off the table and toss it in...TWICE. Because there are 2 halves to the brain. All while dodging machine guns, swirling propellers and bolts of electricity. All three of which alternate. Oh, and before his head closes again.

But at least it lets you retry the chapters. So I focused on that...in my own lovely OCD way I've redone all of the first 6 chapters until I scored an "A" for nightmare level on each one. (And earned the figurines, than you very much). :)

Now I've just gotta figure out how to beat this next chapter. Which I will probably then have to play over and over again until I score an "A". All night I dreamt of of people with green bars and red exclamation points over their heads. And they were all running around malls and stores Xmas shopping. (This comes from spending all day Saturday shopping with my little and her family. A fun day, surprisingly, but still a day of shopping right before Xmas!) Sigh. I really need to learn not to be so obsessive when I get new stuff!

I did earn enough "souls" replaying each chapter to level up both my "Soul Robber" and the fire bombs to level 3. Pretty impressive stuff. ;)

So now I need to figure out how to get my nephew out here to show me how to beat this game. [g] Sad, so sad, that I need my 7 year old nephew to beat a lousy game...

Keep Breathing

Sitrep: Still sitting at Zero. Unless watching the BootCamp DVD counts? Didn't think so.

I did manage to watch the entire 60 minutes of Bootcamp. I think I stand a good chance of making it fifteen minutes. Much farther than that I don't know. So I'm aiming for at least 15 minutes, and if I feel up to it, going further. You'd think by now I'd be able to do 30 minutes. Although it was slightly alarming to see Alden breaking out into such a sweat. Hmmm. I'm starting to think this might be bad. So I'll just not think about it.

Got the giggles listening to him say "All we have to do is kick a door in." Oh, really. Is that all we have to do? I'm more likely to knock myself over with those kicks than kick a door in. But okay. I'm game. I'm just going to have everything moved out of the way, including the dog. I'll lock her in the other room for the duration for her own safety. :-0

I did like where he said "Keep breathing." Sadly enough, that's something I need to remind myself to do while exercising. Sheesh. You'd think exercising alone is hard enough. Why make it more difficult on myself by not breathing? Need to print out a large red-letter sign to hang above my desk that says that, so when I get thrown under the bus or things go wrong, I can calm myself down. The "No whining" sign worked when I had it over my desk. Sure I got some strange looks but it was effective. Cut down on other people coming into my cubby complaining. That was an unintentional side benefit!

And now for those of you that don't like it when I get all political or stuff like that, you can stop reading now. ;) Because I'm about to get political.

I decided to keep taking the generic Clar.itin.-D. Took it while at my brothers (5 cats, 4 dogs, 'nuff said!) and felt fabulous. I've been back less than a week and had raging sinus pain every flippin' day. So today I went to get some more. Only pharmacy that doesn't keep a computer log of transactions involving pseudo.ephe.drine is KMart so I go there. But because of our wonderful, insightful, intelligent legislators, I can only buy one box at a time of the 24 hour dose. It's $8.94 and only has ten pills. When I asked if I could buy more than one box, she says to me "This is the 24 hour dose." Like that freakin' matters when I'm taking it daily for the next umpteen years of my life? Hel-loooooo! I'd like to not have to go to the pharmacy every ten days. It's ridiculous. If I go to the doctor (there's another $100) and get a prescription, they can do it that way and maybe give me a 30 day supply. Except then they want to run it through as a prescription which means submitting to my insurance (like they'll pay for an over the counter med. Please). As long as I get generic OTC pricing. Unless they do approve it under my insurance benefits and I can get a 30 day supply for $10 like I used to. But to do this I need to go to the doctor. Which means time off work and more money. Geez Louise. Keep Breathing, Nat.

So I've decided to start writing to all my state legislators, whether they are in my district or not, in my city, or not. Because I am sick and tired of having to jump through hoops and being treated like I'm a criminal or going to commit a criminal act, when all I want to do is buy my freakin' allergy meds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll probably end up on some state drug trafficker or DEA list. So if I disappear, the government has me. They're at the root of all evil, right? ;)

Okay, that's probably stretching it. But really. Where did common sense go? I used to think some of the people in power, in particular at the state and local levels, were in it for the people. That there was some idealism left in the world of politics. I can't seem to find it anymore. It seems like everyone is just out for themselves and what's politically expedient for them. Drives me crazy. Maybe it was always like that and I'm just getting cranky as I "age". Although at 34, that's awafully early, isn't it? I guess my rose-colored glasses broke. I'm just so frustrated by the state of affairs, and how utterly impossible it seems to get something done. I understand the reason behind the move to restrict access to Pseudoeph.edrine. Yet why make it so impossibly difficult to access for legal reasons? Meth users are still going to buy their meth. The meth makers are still going to make their meth. All it's doing is making people like me - who need the legitimate OTC meds - have nothing but problems getting the stuff, or worse yet, make us decide to just suffer and not buy it at all.

I know, it sounds stupid to get all worked up over Sudaf.ed. It's little. Maybe that's why it gets me all worked up. It's the little things, the little injustices of the world that push me over the edges. Somehow I can deal with the big stuff. Like the non-response of the world to what's going on in Darfur and other places. Oh, we're real big on "Never Again" but it's all talk. When push comes to shove we hem and haw and nothing gets done and we say "Never Again" solemnly on days of remembrance and then go home to our plush homes filled with Christmas trees and thousands of dollars of useless stuff we'll probably use once and throw away.

And it's not like we get a chance to change anything or make a difference. In this day and age of "information" and "access" to whatever info we want, it seems like we get less and less actual info. What's up with that? The "press" in it's infinite wisdom, dictates to us the news we get about the current presidential elections. How many candidates are actually running for each party nomination? Yet we only hear about a few of them. Take Obama and Clinton, for example. Frankly, I care for neither of them. Him, because I don't get what's the big deal about him? I can't seem to get a handle on that...other than he's young and less time in office than some candidates. Does that make him less corrrupted? I don't know. And Clinton. Well. She's just part of the same old guard that's in WA. No better or worse I suppose than the next. Frankly, I don't care if she's "personable" or "warm". Who the hell cares? I'm not electing the president to be my best friend!!!! Yes, I want them to be able to talk to other people, to be able to really listen, to think. to listen to opposing viewpoints and give them credibility if they are due it. What the hell does that have to do with being "warm". Give me a break! I don't know. It seems like the more info we get or have access too, the less any of it is substantial, the less we pay attention. And maybe it isn't really more info. Maybe it's actually less just thrown at us at umpteen different decibel levels with different colors flashing at us and different voices spewing out over the airwaves and spilling over the pages until our eyes and brains can't focus anymore and we hit the first "yes" or "no" or "off" button we come across. Regardless of the consequences.

Well. I think I need to breathe. Where'd all this come from? All I wanted was a month's supply of Claritin-D!

Don't Pi$$ in MY wheaties...

Damn It. And I was having such a good day too. I absolutely positively hate when someone throws ME under the bus because someone ELSE is throwing a fit about something that is entirely THEIR fault. I also hate veiled threats. Both of which I've gotten about a situation out of my control. That I had nothing to do with. That took place while I was on vacation, for Pete's Sake! Both are organizations I do business with; one is a regulating organization. They did the veiled threat bit. The other is one we franchise some classes with. They're the ones that threw me under the bus. Even though it was their policy we enforced. I'm thinking learning to kick in the door with the Bootcamp DVD is looking more promising by the minute. Oooooh, I hate it when I can't do anything in situations like this except sit here and take it. Bastards.

Okay. Rant over. Positive note - I can channel this energy into a good workout, right?

I am Superwoman

Not.

So I was going to workout last night. But by the time I left work yesterday, I had a raging sinus headache. Got home, took some meds, crashed with the heating pad for about 40 minutes, and then raced to meet my little sister & her family so we could split up and attend both of the girls' concerts last night. Yep. The high school and middle school scheduled their choir concerts the same night in two different locations. Sigh. I'd promised KT I'd go to hers before we knew about Shanni's...Shanni was very sweet about letting me keep my promise to KT. And I'm glad I did as it looked for awhile like I was the only one going. Poor kid. Why is it that we try so much harder to make it to events for younger kids than for teens? Is it because we think they'll understand better?

Anyway. Three of us went to one, three to the other. When KT saw us in the "crowd" she lit up. I haven't seen her look that happy in a long time. She was beaming and looked fabulous up there singing and enjoying herself. Her choir ended after 20 minutes, so her stepdad and I split (after trying to find her in the crowd and not being able to) to see how much we could hear of Shanni's. Hers started 30 minutes after her sister's. We got there halfway through the first song. Toward the end, when they stood back up to do the final songs with the other grades, Shanni saw me and I could see her go "Ohhhh!" It was funny. Then a tall girl stood in front of her. LOL.

Then I went home and was in bed asleep by 8:30pm. I hate sinus issues. I'd try the sinus rinse Cranky Otter recommends if it hadn't been so...entertaining...the first time. ;)

So I got up extra early to work on the next Xmas project that I'd oringally planned to do last night. Now that I have one, I just had to use the sewing machine in a project. Pretty much went like this:

1. Ran out of thread.
2. Switched to another color, it started snagging.
3. The bobbin ran out.
4. I stitched a crooked line and had to take them out by hand.
5. Snagged again.
6. And again.
7. And again.
8. The needle broke.

OMG. I threw it aside and got ready for work. LOL. It's a good thing my coworker found a bottle of Coff.ee Mates Pumpkin Spice creamer while she was shopping last night and got me a bottle. Three cups (and a major case of let's-clean-my-office-'cause-it's-grungy) I'm finally sitting down for longer than 3 seconds. Too much caffeine perhaps? I should have brought my PPU to work today.

Someone please stop me. I am not Superwoman!

Shifting Gears

Sitrep: Zero. Zip. Zilch.

In my defense, I was traveling a good part of Sunday & didn't get my BodyRev & Perfect Pushup back until yesterday when my suitcase made it back to town. Last night was all about unpacking, and finishing my SILs Xmas present. I know, I know, I'm making excuses...I definitely could have and should have done either abs or a set of PPU. Tonight.

I was talking on the phone with Janet W last night, and had the most astonishing revelation. So astonishing I didn't realize it until this morning. [g] Gotta be the 2-days travel followed by diving into things at work. Man, I hate going back to work after a vacation. Especially this one. I really had such a good time, and didn't realize how much I would miss my SIL, brother, and the kids. It was kind of a let-down not being with them the last few days!

But on to my "revelation". JanetW asked if I was looking better what with all the exercise I've been doing lately. And I said no, but that's okay, I'm still down the 20 pounds, and still down the 2 pant sizes that I lost during the first year of using the BodyRev. But I'm okay with that. And it's true. It doesn't bug me that I'm not losing more weight, etc. Because I feel so much better when I work out. It's just so weird. :) Even when I do the pushups, and that is so not something I ever thought I'd "hear" myself say. And that's really how I feel. Oh, sure, I want to lose another 20 pounds and really tone so I can look hot in a swimsuit...But I'm okay with feeling better and healthier and having energy, etc. It's all in the attitude, anyway. And I'm sure I'll need reminding of that along the way. :) I'm bound to have "I'm so fat" days in the future. It happens to everyone!

It's just such a good feeling to have energy and motivation to do stuff. :) So on with the BodyRev and Pefect Pushup and yes, even Bootcamp!!!! (Although I'm thinking Saturday might be the day to start that, so I don't have to go to work in agony.) Anyone want to take bets on how much of Bootcamp I'll be able to do my first time out? I'm aiming for 10 minutes before collapsing...

Finally Home

Sitrep for Last Week: 1x Abs, 1x PPU
Goals (12/17-12/23): 2x Abs, 1x Bootcamp (as much as I can do before dying), 2x PPU. Of course, this only works if my suitcase makes it to town - both the BodyRev & PPU are in there.

Okay. So last week was lousy for exercising. Unless it was playing games on the Wii. Some activity at least.

But I'm home. Only took 2 days and another overnight stay. My luggage should get here some time today. I hope.

Went to the doctor this morning for the "thing" on my neck. It's some type of bug bite that got infected because I wouldn't stop scratching it. NOT a brown recluse bite or lyme disease, in spite of the bull's eye look to it. Doc just rolled her eyes at me, told me to stop scratching it like a child. ;)

Gotta get caught up at work.

"What kind of father ARE you?"

Sitrep: 3x Cardio, 3x PPU (Max 0)

"The kind that doesn't give his daugher $30 to eat lunch at Taco Bell." OMG. I had to leave the room over that one. Can we say my oldest niece is a firecracker? This is an actual quote from her and my brother. Just one from the last week. All of us are wise acres. Including the kids. ;)

Yesterday we went to McKay. A used books, music & video warehouse. OMG. Talk about fun. I scored big time. TWO of Suz' books. An original edition of Taylor's Temptation and an original edition of Undercover Princess. I already have the first one, but have never read the second one. For only 50 cents each! Whoo-hoo. I also got a couple of Catherine Mann's Wingmen Warriors that I haven't read. And the latest J.D. Robb on unabridged audio CD for 50% less than cover price.

Then we just hung out the rest of the day, reading, doing crossword puzzles. My nieces are really getting into doing them. We spent an hour this morning working on one. I have them using the dictionary to look up meanings and get hints. They are doing really good. I also have my SIL hooked on crosswords now. LOL. We spent a good part of yesterday doing them....both of us feeling stupid when we get the obvious, easy ones wrong!!

Last night was TV night, where after the kids cleaned their rooms we all sat down and watched Christmas movies together. Everyone but the oldest niece, M, and I fell asleep. Then after everyone went upstairs to bed, I sat with her in her room and we just talked. It was fun. I liked having that one on one time with her. It was a little disconcerting though as I kept getting these images of her as a toddler/preschooler. The last time I spent several days just with her. She's almost 11 now. It was just weird.

We planned to play outside today but it is all rainy/misty out. Yuck. So we are stuck indoors. This morning the girls helped me do my final workout of the week. Heh. They are almost as hard task masters as Alden! They all think the BodyRev is cool, and "joined" me while I did the 15 minute Cardio workout. Then both girls tried out the Pefect Pushup. How pathetic do I feel when my 8 year old niece cranks out 10 regular PPU's in a row? Sheesh. But hey. She has less weight to push up and hold up!

So this marks the first time in well over a month that I have actually MET MY WEEKLY GOAL. Whoo-Yah! Now that is something to get FIRED UP about. And tomorrow is family game day and we're going to play the Wii. Bowling, tennis, whatever. :) I'm having a really great time!

This Trip is Getting Expensive

Sitrep: 2x Cardio, 2x PPU (10 reg, 10 wide, 10 close)
These Perfect Pushups are getting easier. :) I mean, they're still pushups, but I'm getting the hang of 'em and actually able to have "good" form. Helps to have my SIL to "spot" me.

Yesterday I bought a Playstation 2. And 3 games. And microphones. LOL. I've been wanting one for a while; was thinking about getting the Wii. But after playing Sing Star two nights in a row, I decided I was definitely getting one. Since Brian is a manger in a gaming store, he was able to help me put together a good used system. Got it all used, including the microphones (they were returned, never used!!!). Got Sing Star Rock and 80's. :) I was going to have my SIL blog for me yesterday because apparently while singing with the kids on Monday evening I was rocking out pretty good and amusing the heck out of her and my brother. [g] But we went out to lunch at Olive Garden (oh, the joy! Nearest one in my neck of the woods is a 4 hour drive!)

Then we came home and I played one of my new games: Nightmare Before Christmas, Oogie's Revenge. Brian thinks I was having way too much fun slamming those ghosts to the ground. Slam! Slam!

He rented a new game and tried it out last night. Time Crisis 4. OMG. He's good. And when he saw all the weapons he gets to use...I thought he was going to pee himself when he saw the machine gun. And when he got the grenade launcher...He had a BLAST. My SIL even tried it. It has an actual "gun" you calibrate and aim at screen. I declined to try it as I've spent enough money already. :) Went to the mall Tuesday and my SIL helped me find some great pants (on sale!) and a top at Dillard's.

So I am having a lot of fun! And I've managed to exercise twice this week. Whoo-hoo!

The FUN has begun!

Sitrep (last week): 2x Cardio, 2x Arms, 1 set Regular & 1/2 Set Wide PPU
Goal (12/3-9): 3x Cardio, 3x PPU (1 set ea Regular, Wide & Close each time)
So far: 1x Cardio, 1x PPU Regular & Wide, 1/2 Close

I'm at my brother's, finally, and am having a blast! It's so great to see everyone again. I'm not sure who's more excited or having more fun. Sunday is usually their family day, where they eat out or order in, and play games. I think I'm going to have to get a Playstation. LOL. We played a new game called Buzz. It was a blast. The girls, K & M, each wanted to be on my team, so we played twice, switching teams. K & I did okay...we were leading for awhile, until their Mom totally kicked all our butts. Brian & N (my nephew) teamed up and held their own. They came in second. When M & I teamed up, we wiped the floor with the others. ;)

Then we played Sing Star. Now that is tons of fun. [g] Even I got up there and sang...did pretty decently too until my niece tricked me into singing "S.O.S" with her...I've never head the song before...Can we just say it was excruciating? Love how it tells you when you've hit a bad note. LOL. Like I couldn't tell by the pained expressions on everyone's faces. But it was a lot of fun. Oh, this is going to be bad for me. A new addiction, a new toy...

Today so far I've spent a couple of hours chatting with my sister in law. Brian's at work, and the kids are at school. It's just us and the critters...4 dogs, 5 cats...I did 1 cardio workout, and then the Perfect Pushup. Did a lot more than last time. Managed one full set of Regular & Wide position, and then got halfway through a set of Close position. I like it. My SIL tried it and liked it. Of course, now I have to kill her because a) she did 7 in a row like they were nothing (grrrr), and then did some more! and b) these are GOING HOME WITH ME.

Well, that's it for now. Not sure the plan for the rest of the day. As long as it's not work, I'm good. (Side note: they made it 2 hours before calling my cell phone).

Overnight in Detroit

Sitrep: 2x Cardio, 2x Arms, 1 Reg PPU, 1/2 Wide PPU

So I was stranded overnight in Detroit. Lovely. I'm sure this city is nicer than it appeared to me in a blanket of sleet as the taxi took me to the only hotel NW airlines had still available...the Doubletree. Ahhh, the misery. Although I've become enough of a girl that the loss of my styling gel and styling comb this morning has me a wee bit irritated. And lauging at myself. Off to the airport in a few to try to get the 10:24 to Knoxville...Hopefully I make it...doesn't look to be snowing/sleeting any more. Who knows if it's icy, though.

I really want to get there today...don't want to disappoint my brother, sil or the kids again. Or myself. I was so looking forward to getting there last night!

Gator & Other Exercise Ladies - Stay FIRED UP as Alden would say...IF I'd been a bit better in shape I'd've made my connecting flight...definitely ran harder, faster and farther last night than I'd've been able to just over a year ago! But I definitely need to start the BootCamp DVD when I get it. Missed my connecting flight by TWO MINUTES!

Ooops, did I say that?

Sitrep: BodyRev (2wts) - Cardio & Arms 2x; PPU - 1 set Reg, 1/2 set Wide

I believe yesterday I said that I could still lift my arms over my head after doing the Perfect Pushup (PPU). Not so much today. Okay, I can still lift them over my head, but really don't want to. My pec muscles ache when I do that. Only not as bad as with any other movement of my arms. Yikes. Even typing makes me feel my pecs. How the heck is that happening?

Noticed something this morning - I'm wearing a sweater I haven't worn in years because it was too tight over the stomach...it still shows more bulge than I'd like, but fits. But what I realized today is the sleeves aren't tight. They are actually a bit loose around the biceps. Sweeeeetttt!

Had a great evening last night. Came home after work and decided not to turn the TV on. I remember how relaxing my sister's house always is because she usually has music on, not TV. So I turned on a new CD I treated myself to - the Best of Andrea Bocelli - and set about making dinner and working on my current Christmas project. I actually got to talk to Janet W for a bit. That was great, wish I could have talked longer. But it made me make sure I did my workout last night.

My little sister, her mom & older sister also came over. I'd agreed to hem some pants for Mom Michelle as she has a job interview today. :) (Go Mom Michelle!) We had dinner, I hemmed the pants, the girls did homework...it was fun. And relaxing with the music in the background. Only bad part was when they showed up...apparently the girls had been arguing, again. And Mom had had enough. Sat the girls down and gave them a huuuuuggggeeee lecture. In front of me. Not sure who was more embarassed. Me or the girls. Thought KT (the 17 yr old) was going to die from embarrassment.

Reminds me of my sister and I as teens. Holy moly, were we mean to each other. Not sure how Mom & Dad survived. And my sister actually still talks to me! I'd better send her a big cyber hug. I wasn't much nicer to my brother, either. I remember when I switched to words instead of physically trying to beat him up after the time he held me off with a hand to my forehead and I couldn't reach him. Boy, did that make me madder!!!! [g] Good thing he still talks to me, since I'm spending the next two weeks with him and his family. And he's even picking me up at the airport. :) I do have the best brother & sister in the world. I'm very lucky.

And speaking of my siblings, I have a picture of the three of us that was taken the last time we were together...two years ago? Anyway. It's on my fridge. Last night Mom Michelle saw it and said "Wow. You really have lost weight...I knew you had, just hadn't realized how much!" thank you, thank you very much. [g] Every time I've mentioned my former weight and my issues with it she always says "oh, stop it, you didn't weigh that much." I think that picture reminded her that maybe I was unhealthily overweight. Still am, just not by as much!

I could see the wheels start turning in her head that maybe, just maybe, she can do this too. I've been encouraging her. She has my original BodyRev & the DVD (I use the scripts the ladies on the BB provided. I wish Alden would produce an audio track I could download to my MP3 player. That would be fabulous!) Anyway. She mentioned something about losing weight/getting in shape, and I said, hey, you know what to do...You have that REV sitting right there in your living room. She actually looked more interested than I've ever seen her, so maybe she'll start...I hope so. It would be fun to have a BodyRev buddy here in town. :)

Got the weather report for the next week at my brother's. Looks like it's going to hit the 70's at least one day while I'm there. Yikes. Considering in my world it's snowing, the roads are icy (slid through a red light today!), and the high today is going to be 28*F, that's going to be a shock to my system. :) Guess I'd better drag some of my summer/fall clothes out. :)

I'm starting to hear I'm leaving, on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again...Leaving, on a jet plane...over and over in my head. :)

Motivation Schmotivation

Sitrep: 2 wts - 1x Cardio, 1x Arms. PPU - 1 set Regular, 1/2 set Wide (0 max level)

At least I remembered my cell phone this morning. Which I didn't the last two days. But really. You know you're tired when you use shampoo instead of soap and don't realize it until you're rinsing. At least I got my contacts in okay. But I have huge green/gray circles under the eyes. A sure sign I've been eating something my body doesn't like. Sigh. I know it's the garlic in the mashed potatoes. But they were soooo good. [Note to self - get recipe from Michelle and post.] And I brought enough home from T-day to last until last night. Thank goodness the leftovers are gone. I was at the point I was going to start gobbling instead of talking I've eaten so much turkey. The dog is pretty bummed, to say the least, since turkey is on the "approved" eating list for her. ;)

So what the heck was up with all my "gonna figure out my Max" for the Perfect Pushup? I mean really. How many push ups do you think this girl can do without stopping (and with good "form"). The levels are: 0, 10, .... oh, why bother going past that? [g]

[Insert Jeopa.rdy Theme Music Here]

That's right! It's ZERO max for me. [g] Although I was able to do 2 push ups before collapsing. Better than even I expected. I guess all this REVing really has improved my arm strength. So with zero being closer to two than ten (gee, who'd've thunk it!) that's my level. I managed to do the following KNEE push ups:

1 set Regular position, 0 Max = 4 push ups, rest, 3 push ups, rest, 2 push ups, rest, 1 push up, rest
1/2 set Wide position, 0 Max = 4 push ups, rest, 3 push ups, collapse

Now, you're supposed to do this in 2 minute drills. So I should have done each set in a 2 minute period. I didn't time it. Figured the first few times I'd focus more on just getting it done - form, rotating the handles, etc. Regular position is hard enough. Wide position is just that. You put your hands two hand widths wider than shoulder width. Yikes.

I hurt this morning. My shoulders, upper arms, upper chest muscles. But at least I can still use my arms and even lift them over my head. We'll see about tomorrow! Anyway. I feel good that I got the exercise in, and that I was able to even do that many push ups! A definite improvement and progress is being made. :)

Thanks everyone for the support and encouragement. I didn't mean for my post on the BB yesterday to sound like I was beating myself up. I'm not. Just a little discouraged, and the tiredness I'm feeling in general was showing through. I'm tired today, but feel more energized if that makes any sense, because I worked out last night. :)

Miscellaneous Mumblings: A Conversation with Me

Sitrep for Nov. 19-25: 2x Cardio & Arms, with 2 weights.
Goals for Nov.26-30: 3x Cardio & Arms, learn what my Max is for PPU.

I've shortened the week as Saturday is a total travel day and Sunday will probably be a total family day. I have a feeling the kids won't be leaving me alone for a second.

Thanksgiving was good. I got to my little sister's house around 10 am to help get ready and cook. I had fun doing that. For awhile it was just Shanni, KT and myself, while Mom Michelle took a shower. The girls were great, for the most part, in helping and doing what I asked. I did get into it with Shanni though. She is 12. And then mom finished her shower and came back out into the kitchen. And all heck broke loose. Seriously. KT went from a happy, helpful teen to a sullen, resentful, not-going-to-do-what-you-say teen. In the blink of an eye. Insane. She and her mom ended up in a total shouting match. Ending with teen in total meltdown. Yikes. But things calmed down and the rest of the day was great.

I earned a tshirt that says "I Survived Black Friday". Okay, maybe I didn't earn one, but I should get one anyway. Because believe it or not, I actually went shopping Friday. Granted, it was around 3 pm and only to JoAnn Fabrics and then to Hastings. By that time things were mucho calm around here. I had checked all the ads, and there weren't any super deals in the stores in Helena. Met up with Shanni & her family at Hastings; that's always fun.

Saturday was more of the same. Back to JoAnn Fabrics to use the Saturday morning 20% off your entire purchase coupon, and then took Shanni and KT to the Bed, Bath & Beyond that opened Thanksgiving week. Sweet. They'd never been to one, I hadn't been in awhile. Much oohing and ahhing over the stuff. I love kitchen gadgets. Seriously. Not that I'm a cook or anything. [g] Just love to look at them.

And then last night I got my travel Perfect Push Up. Oh, holy cow. What did I get myself into? It looks so much easier. I attempted a couple of the modified knee pushups. This is going to be painful. [g] BUT I do need to build my upper body strength, so...Unfortunately, I let myself be "distracted" by an Xmas project I've got going, and didn't REV. I haven't REVed since the day before Thanksgiving. Sigh. I'm letting myself down, but can't seem to stop it.

But I have decided to take my BodyRev with me on vacation to my brother's. I think 2 weeks without REVing at this stage of the game will be disastrous. Even if they do have other exercise equipment. I like the REV 15 minute full-body workout. :) And the travel PPU will fit in my bag nicely. ;) It's really rather ingenious and takes up just a bit more space than a hardback. I'll just have to make sure my brother doesn't see it...Seems like all the other ladies have had their PPUs commandeered by male relatives.

So tonight I promise to do: Cardio & Abs, and figure out my Max for PPU. It should be easy enough since Biggest Loser is on. Love that show and it so motivates me to work out!

The Things I Didn't Know

Sitrep: 1x Cardio (2 wts), 1x Arms (2 wts), 5 min snow shoveling (hey, I count everything!)

It's funny the tings I think about when I'm doing nothing. Especially when I'm walking or driving. When walking I tend to let my mind wander. Not so much while driving (!), but I'm still thinking in a part of my brain about other stuff while driving. And last night when I left work to drive home, I mentally explored the complexities of Winter in Montana. Specifically, Office Parking Lot Politics.

Now, when I moved here from Florida, the only experience I had with snow was from my early years in Oklahoma (birth to age 5) and the four years we were stationed in Germany (3rd-6th grades.) I knew I loved it, loved the cold. Never really liked the humidity and hot weather in Florida. But I'd never had to deal with snow as an adult.

As I warmed up the car, I looked around the parking lot we share with the company next door, and realized how everyone is jockeying for the "prime" parking spots. Only they're different from the "prime" spots in Spring, Summer, and Fall. And boy, do people get upset when their regular parking spot is occupied when they get to work. Whatever season it is. Seriously. I've seen people leave notes on windshields. And all the gods, goddesses, & ultimate powers in the universe can't help you if you don't pull up far enough when parking on the side street. And then everyone rearranges in winter. It's some kind of bizarre unspoken, unscripted, music-less ballet with 50 dancers and 10 spaces.

So this is what I've learned about the Office Parking Lot in winter:

1. Always take the spot that is angled up (ie, you're backing out downhill!)
2. Park where you won't have to drive around and up/down another lane of parking spots to reach the exit.
3. When you get to work late and the parking lot out front is empty, there's a reason. Not only are the spots angled down, but you have to cross the parking lot to get to the building.
4. Just because the parking lot in front is plowed, stuff gets packed down and it's icy, etc.
5. Keep some Yak Trax in the trunk of the car. Wear them. Even when you have snow boots. Which reminds me. Where are mine?

So far, no one has taken my spot. Maybe they pity me since every winter for the last six I've either gotten my car stuck when pulling into the lot (hey, not my fault they don't plow the side lot with the main entrance!), or I've fallen multiple times. But then again, I'm also one of the first to get to work, so I have my pick. Angled up, close to the building so I can use the handrail the whole way in if I need to. And a straight shot out of the parking lot at the end of the day. Maybe next Monday I should try parking in a different spot. See whose world I can throw out of whack...

Anyway. These are the things I was thinking about on the way home. Not about the state of Iraq, not about the upcoming primaries where the media is determined to make Democrats choose between Clinton & Barack only, not about the inequalities and injustices faced by millions all over the planet. No. I focused my attention on the complexities of Office Parking Lot Politics.

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

It's the Princess' Birthday!

Sitrep: Uh, Null. Except for the 5 minutes of snow shoveling last night. :) I'm revising my goals down to 3x Cardio, 3x Arms.

Happy 4th Birthday to my youngest niece. :)

I cannot believe my sister's little girl is four years old. Whoa. Time is going by way too fast.

And in 11 days I'll be on a plane to my brother & sister-in-law's. Yippee. I can't wait. Two whole weeks to spend with family and have fun.

Lazy Weekends & Snow Days

Sitrep: 2 wts - 1x Cardio, 1x Arms, 30 min Flag Football, 30 min Basketball

Just love 'em. And that pretty much sums up my weekend. Lazy. :) Didn't get the rest of my workouts in...

The day after "Gym Night" I started to feel sore and achy everywhere. Put it off to the flag football & basketball. Until the next day when I hurt worse than when I started BodyRev! I think I got a touch of the latest bug going around the office. Thankfully, it didn't affect me as badly as everyone else. Getting 10-12 hours of sleep on Friday & Saturday night helped. Spent a few hours at the library Saturday with Shanni & KT.

Yesterday did nothing but watch TV, read, relax. And doze. It was one of those lovely gray days where you just want to stay inside. It rained a good part of the day and finally turned to snow. We have about 2 inches of the heavy, wet stuff on the ground. Thank goodness! We need it. It has kept up pretty steadily all day. And I got to wear my new boots! I'm turning into such a girl, lol. I have multiple pairs of shoes, now, and find myself checking the shoe section out more and more...

Anyway.

Goal for this week: 4x Cardio, 4x Arms, all with 2 weights. 1 piece of pumpkin pie. Per day. [g]

Flag Football w/9-10 yr olds = TACKLE

Sitrep: 2 wts - 1x Cardio, 1x Arms, 30 min Flag Football, 30 min Basketball

So I survived last night's Gym Night with Big Brothers Big Sisters. It was a lot of fun, really. And I totally stayed away from the 3-legged soccer. ;) Shanni & her older sister KT went with me. Apparently the Salvation Army has a church building in town, and they have a huge gym attached.

We got there just after 6pm, and did some warm-up throwing baskets, etc. Then they started the flag football. Can I just say I was the only adult on our team? A definite disadvantage for our team, as I am not athletically inclined. Shanni, 12, and KT, 17, were on my team. Thank goodness for KT. She's athletically inclined and fast...I guess I should count her in the adult category, huh? There was a 13 yr old boy and then a bunch of 8-10 year olds. The 8-10 yr old boys did not want to throw the ball to the girls. [g] The girls wanted to show the boys they were good too.

None of them cared about the "flag" part of the game. It was all rush and pile on, or rush and crowd into the wall. No one got hurt, though. One of the BBBS staff was the 'ref' and made sure everyone took turns as the quarterback. When it was Shanni's turn, we made our own "play" and she faked like she was going to throw it then handed it off (shoved it, actually) at her sister. Then we got in front of KT and barreled down the "field." Almost made it, too. If that darn wall would have stayed out of the way.

I have to admit, I didn't realize how into it I would get. Seriously. I haven't played like this in a long time. Thanks to the BodyRev workouts I've been doing, I had the stamina to keep going. Oh, I got winded, sweaty, etc. But I didn't feel like passing out or quitting. I had fun. And I was seriously going after whoever had the ball. I am not kidding. There was no holding back so the kids could feel good about themselves. Because holy cow, are they fast. It was all I could do to keep up! I did stop one of the 10 or 12 yr old boys from scoring because I was able to pull his flag 3/4 of the way to our goal. I held that thing up in the air and jumped up and down yelling "I got it! I got it!". Like I'd won the lottery or something. Cracked everyone up. Got my high fives from Shanni, her sister and my team mates, though.

We ended up losing, but had a fun time, which is the whole point of it. Everyone got to participate, and had fun. No crying or disappointment. After a short break, Shanni sat down to draw a "When I grow up I want to be..." picture for BBBS (for one of their fundraisers) and KT & I went back on the floor to play basketball. This one boy about Shanni's age came over and sat across from her, but didn't want to draw a picture. Just kinda sat there and watched her. A few minutes after she finished and joined us, he showed up with another basketball, and challenged her into playing with him. It was so cute. I don't think she even realized he was crushing on her. :o We played for about 30 minutes, before we had to leave so they could do homework.

It was great to be able to be out there and doing stuff with her. To be able to coach her and encourage her. To be able to show her how to throw the ball and give her tips to make a basket. I'm not the best player, but I can make a basic shot. And explain how I did it. Not only did she make it, she did 2 in a row!!! Yeah, Shanni!

She told me she wants to play volleyball at school. KT wants to try out for track or basketball, she's not sure which. I'm encouraging them both. ;) They also want us to get together once every week or few weeks to do what we did last night. I'll have to see what facilities I can find. That are free. Or at least cheap! I talked to our case worker at BBBS and she says they want to do this once a month.

Anyway. THANK YOU to all the BB posters, and Gator Patrol for the support and encouragement and sharing of their struggles in keeping healthy and exercising. It's been inspiring and motivating to me, and kept me exercising long past the point I'd have given up. And a SPECIAL HOO-YAH and THANK YOU to Alden, for taking all that time to encourage and motivate us. It has really made a difference for me!

Hair Cut Pics

Sitrep: 2wts - 1x Cardio, 1x Arms

No laughing at the new 'do, okay? All right, you can laugh since I can't hear you, but be gentle, please. ;)

I don't like this profile view but am posting it because it really shows the highlights/color.

Anyway. This is the "new" me. I'm still liking it although it is strange not to have all that hair. I dropped a pound on the scale. I think it was the hair. [g] Very long, very thick.

And yes, that is natural wave in my hair. After 34 years I've decided to stop fighting the cowlicks and waves and let the stuff do what it wants. Supposedly it looks good that way...

Tonight I'm off on another adventure: It's GYM NIGHT with Big Brothers Big Sisters. Flag football, 3-legged soccer, and basketball. So if no one hears from me for awhile, it's because I was talked into playing 3-legged soccer. ;)

define: Happiness

Sitrep (11/5-12): 2 wts- 1x Cardio, 1x Arms

I typed define: Happiness in Google this morning. And the results were interesting. The first two listings were definitions. The next ten were video games, albums, and song titles. Type in "happiness" and the first one is a definition. Then it's all about finding or creating happiness.

What brought this on, you ask? Several things.

One, I received the Nov/Dec issue of World Ark magazine (Heifer International). There was an interesting article in it about the pursuit of happiness. The author interviewed several entrepreneurs who left their wealthy, successful careers to do what made them happy. Even if it meant losing everything they'd worked for.

Two, on the phone with Mom & Dad last night we ended up discussing how they just want all their kids to be happy. And they aren’t sure if we are. I'm happy. I can honestly say that. I don’t know when everything just clicked into place for me, or what was the final piece. And I'm not saying everything is perfect. But I can honestly say that I am happy with my life. Is my sister? I think so, at least where her family is concerned. I know she's not passionate about her job; she does it for her daughter. But I'm not passionate about my job, either. Is my brother? I think he and my sister-in-law are happy. They seem so on the phone those rare times we talk. Especially since my brother switched jobs.

Three, after that phone call I ended up talking about the same issue with a friend. Why is it everyone seems so unhappy? We are wealthier than we have ever been, as a nation. Most of us have more than our grandparents ever dreamed of having: huge homes, multiple-car families, iPods, cell phones, computers, stuff, stuff, stuff. Yet from what I read and the “studies” and “surveys” show, we are unhappier than ever. Yes, I know studies and surveys can/are manipulated to show what the researchers/surveyors want.

But I look around me and seem to see nothing but a sea of people that aren't happy or satisfied with their lives. Reminds me of the quote by Thoreau "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." (Henry David Thoreau, Walden). The people I see aren't miserable, they're just unhappy. Which to me is worse. When you're miserable it seems there's more of a drive to change your situation. Simple "unhappiness" is brushed aside.

What's the reason we are more unhappy now? Is it the disconnect between people? The ever-increasing pace of our lives? This freaky treadmill we seem to be on where someone keeps punching the “increase speed” button? Is it the emphasis on material well-being? Is it the development of television and then 24 hour news and then the internet? This “always on” society of ours, where there is always noise in the background? [side note - When Noise Annoys]

So why am I happy? What makes now different than times in the past when I wasn’t happy? For me, I think it’s the location, the people I know, my family, my friends. I have my house, I’ve very little debt. And while not rich monetarily, I feel rich mentally, emotionally, physically. And I believe those last ones are tied into the fact that I have taken charge of my health. The last part of my life that wasn’t under my “control.”

But that’s me. Is it different for everyone? Or is it the same? Financial or emotional? What makes you happy? How do you define happiness?

760 is my new favorite number

Goals for week of November 12-18: Cardio 4x, Arms 3x, all with 2 weights

But I'd've been happy with 701! I passed my 3rd exam today in my quest to become an M.CS.A (Mic.ro$oft Certified Systems Administrator). Needed a score of 700, got a score of 760. I have no idea the total number of points I could have gotten. They never tell you that. Idiots. But my prinout shows "Strong" in all of the sections, so I'm happy. I'm thinking of taking the 4th exam before Christmas. Take advantage of the time at my brother's house to study. Since the kids will be in school, we can do our homework together. ;)

This exam was a wee bit different at the end. As soon as I finished the review and hit the "end test" button, I squeezed my eyes shut. Didn't want to see the score right away. After a few minutes (or seconds) I sl-o-w-l-y opened one eye, only to see they've added a "Comments" section, where you can go through and comment on each question on the exam. Yeah, right. So I hit the "end comments" button and poof! There was my score. I think I squeaked, it startled me. I wasn't ready for it. I almost cried when I saw the word "Congratulations!" It took me a few seconds to look for the actual score. ;) Then the door popped open and the 2 ladies at the testing center (whom I know fairly well) came in with my printout and singing "Congratulations to you, Congratulations to you..." They crack me up.

Anyway. On to exam #4!

I think I must be sick...

Weekly goal for Nov. 5-11: 2 weights - 4x Cardio, 3x Arms
End of Week Sitrep: 2 weights - 3x Cardio, 2x Arms

And it's not because of the red wine I had while playing hooky at the neighbors last night instead of studying. Although that is probably why I've had a bit of a headache all day. (I'm such a lightweight. Sigh. Which is why I'd never be able to go on one of the Ops to Bad Frogs. lol. Those ladies scare and amaze me.)

No, I think I must be sick because not only have I found a way to get the BodyRev Bootcamp workout (thank you Janet W!) , I bid on - and won - the Perfect Pushup Travel in the fundraising auctions for Valour IT (Voice Activated Laptops for OUR Injured Troops). Check out the project if you haven't already, it's awesome, and you can still donate!

I'm excited about both workouts. But seriously.

Me?
Pushups?
Bootcamp?
In the same sentence?
And it's voluntary?

Hee hee. Maybe it's because I just finished another 30 minutes of REVing, but I'm feeling seriously giddy here. Although lack of oxygen probably does the same thing. [g]

I missed the second part of the Tyra Banks show last night on body image. Unexpected visit at the neighbors house. With the above mentioned wine. I think she wanted adult company, that wasn't family, ya know? She's got a 2 year old at home and is feeling a little trapped I think. We've chatted lots over the "back fence" since they moved in this summer. I had a good time. I think she did too. By the time I left, she was promising to help with my yard this summer. The flower beds, I mean. She loves planting and knows flowers, etc. (You should have seen all the stuff she planted.) She said she already has plans for my flower beds. LOL. Works for me. It was the one thing I never did get working for me this summer.

Anyway. Just talked to Mom and found out that B&T have a total gym or something like that at their house, so I don't have to take my BodyRev with me when I go visit this December. I'll miss it, but will at least be able to workout. I was having fears of it being a)stolen from my suitcase or b)commandeered at some airport security checkpoint along the way if I did take it as carry on.

Well. Enough of that. I'm feeling great, still Reving, and got 3 cardio and 2 arms workouts in this week. Pretty good even if it's not my goal for the week. But I'm only short one cardio and one arms. I still don't get to buy the newest J.D. Robb, however. But next weekend watch out! I want that book and am feeling motivated enough right now I think I can do it. ;)

Hoo yah!

Body Image

Sitrep (a/o Friday): 2 weights - Cardio 2x, Arms 1x

Thank you Janet W for your call last night. Your timing was perfect because the thought of the new J.D. Robb was not enough to motivate me. I think I'd been sitting here for several hours watching tv and telling myself to REV. :) After getting off the phone I did Cardio and Arms. And am going to do them again tonight. Although I think I must be channeling someone else. Preferring cardio and exercising at night instead of the morning is just not me!

So last night while waiting for the dogs to settle down (I'm dog sitting the boss' dog) I was channel surfing and landed on Tyra Banks. Now, I've never watched this show before but the sight of a group of mostly overweight naked women on the screen stopped me cold. WTF? Was my thought. Turns out they were wearing flesh-colored body suits and doing this little experiment in Body Image. It was brutal. Actually, they were brutal. They stood in front of a mirror and described themselves. Then they stood behind the mirror and the others had to pick a label out of things they'd all said. Like fat, unhealthy, thick, overweight, needs to eat, etc. It was sad. It really was. Because I think all of us have been there. Whether we're in-shape, overweight, too skinny...we're our own worst enemy, we women. We are so cruel to each other.

It was interesting to see them try to avoid giving anyone the worst label there "Fat Slob". It ended up going to one of the women who wasn't fat, but her attitude was pretty nasty. She was the one that had originally uttered the phrase. Her attitude was basically if you're overweight it's because you're a lazy slob. I thought they were going to lynch her. They might yet - part 2 is on tonight. I have to admit I'm intrigued enough that I'm planning on watching it.

And the discussions while picking labels for each other. The whole thing was about being truthful, yet you could see some of them didn't want to be hurtful. And when they talked about giving out the "hot" label...What makes someone hot? The "mean" lady (I can't remember her name) came right out and said you can't be hot if you're overweight. Sigh. People's preceptions are just so...I don't know.

Like the one they gave the label "couch potato". Turns out that yes, she's overweight. But she's no couch potatot. She has been playing baseball for 17 years, eats fairly healthily, is always on the go with her husband...Reminds me of my friend N. back in FL. By no means overweight; she never was. But she is not the typical skinny model. She's bigger boned; she really is. And I've known people that would consider her "thick" (one of the descrips used last night.) Which is absolutely nuts. N. is gorgeous. From head to toe. And very much has the athlete's body. (Even those 2 years when she couldn't be active because she just couldn't seem to keep that one leg in one piece for long.) [g]

Anyway. It was just eye-opening to see these women and hear how they think of themselves. And then to see how they judge each other. Downright cruel. It's not just something we do as youngsters and grow out of. It stays with us. It seems to me the only way to stop it is to stop it at a young age. And yet I worry that I've let my own insecurities and fixation on body and image influence my little sister in a bad way. I'm trying to make it about doing fun stuff together and having energy. Trying to make it about being healthy more than being pretty or fitting that mold that society says we have too. I guess only time will tell how well I do. It's frightening how much impact you can have on someone else, especially someone so young.

Pass It On

Well. Nothing I could even dream of posting today would be better than this one I just read on Crankyotter's blog:

You Don't Have to Whisper

Read it if you haven't. Please. Pass it on. And don't whisper.

http://www.tolerance.org/

My reputation precedes me...

Sitrep: 2 weights - 1x Cardio. Was headed into arms when I got a phone call from a friend having a nervous breakdown. That lasted until 11:30pm. Sigh.

If you missed it the first time, please read It's the Easter Bunny's Fault before reading the rest of today's post. It makes more sense that way.

So I get the following email from a friend this morning:

Natalia, why did I think of you as I read this?? M.

Damn, I can't believe I didn't think of this one! lol

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

My reply:

I will never live that down, will I? [g]

Hers:

NOPE :)

A Milestone & I didn't even realize it...

Apparently, my last post was #100. Wow. And when I started this I thought I'd have nothing to say. I'm loving this. Finally, someplace I can mumble and ramble, rant and rave, and get stuff outta my head. And no one else actually has to suffer through it all...unless they want to. This is excellent!

I've been dying to get back here the last few days. Had this wonderful, insightful, thought-provoking post all planned...and the moment is gone. I can't pull it together now that I'm finally able to post again.

Things have been crazy at work. Crazy as in very busy getting caught up from being out of town, and getting two big projects finalized for next week. Also, crazy as in bonuses were handed out and apparently they moved to a merit-based system this year. So some people are seriously ticked off. Not me. But I'm trying to stay under the radar. So I've been reducing my internet time.

Other than that, I have just got to get myself going on my exercise again. I miss it. Not something I thought I'd ever say. I just am so drained by the time I get home I do nothing...except study. I'm feeling more confident about that exam. Still stressed. So my promise to myself and everyone out there is this: Tonight I will complete Arms & Cardio (2 weights).

Also, to encourage/reward myself, I am not allowed to buy the newest J.D. Robb book until I meet my goal for the week: 4x Cardio, 3x Arms, with 2 weights. Note to my Evil Alter Ego Natasha: That means no book until you meet a weekly goal. And the week starts over on November 11th. The idea is to get moving every day. And no, you can't modify the goal downward. :p

Whirlwind

Sitrep: 2 wts- 1x Arms, 1x Cardio; 10 min Bicycle (1.25 miles), 30 min Treadmill (1.4 miles)

Goals (Nov 5-11): 4x Cardio, 3x Arms

Well. Time has passed like a whirlwind since my last post on Thursday. Friday was the last day of our seminar, and the morning was all about getting the exam put together and printed. And of course, the print shop just happened to be a few doors down from Borders. Funny how that happens. Unfortunately, on the way to Borders I was distracted by Cost Plus World Market. Shame on my sister for ever introducing me to that store when I visited her in CA. I blew my spending money in there. Although it's good my car is so small or I'd've bought quite a bit of furniture. They were having a mega sale. For those of you not familiar with World Market, think Pier 1, only more affordable. ;)

I also found new tennis shoes. Yay! And they not only have good arch supports built in, they also have the roll bar (or whatever it's called) to help prevent my feet from rolling in. Haven't worked out with them yet, but boy are they comfy just to wear. They're Asics brand running shoes. The people at Lady Fo.otlo.cker and Fo.otlock.er didn't have a clue what I was talking about. Ended up at Sche.el's. They knew exactly what I wanted, and found me a pair that fit, actually had wide width, and were on sale. I was in and out in 30 minutes. Now that's my kind of shopping!

So. Saturday was driving home time, and the rest of the weekend was spent studying. Have the next exam in my MC.SA certification (Mic.rosof.t Certified Sys.te.ms Adminis.tra.tor) coming up. Was hoping to take it tomorrow (Dad's Bday seemed like a good omen) but am nowhere feeling prepared enough. So it's next week. Monday, most likely. Shanni helped me study yesterday by drilling me with the flashcards I have. Poor kid. M.Soft uses big words for me. She couldn't pronounce half of them, and had to read me the answers on some so I could say if I got them right or not.

Well. I'm outta here. Tons of work to catch up on and I'm wired on too much coffee. That, and Sudafed. Yikes. Can we say I'm all jittery?

Oh! And one of my coworkers is replacing her kitchen cabinets instead of just adding some extras...so she's selling them fairly cheap. I might just get some nice "new" cabinets for my kitchen.

Who is that girl in the mirror, there?

Sitrep: 2 wts- 1x Arms, 1x Cardio; 10 min Bicycle (1.25 miles), 30 min Treadmill (1.4 miles)

Used the hotel's Cardio Room last night. First time I've actively sought out a fitness "center" in about a decade, I think. I still hate the bicycle. Love regular outdoor bicycles, but the stationary ones...they suck big time. [g] Still love the treadmill, though. That was always my "reward". Funny for someone that doesn't like walking. Maybe it's because on the treadmill I get to keep a steady pace and have a beginning and end time. Usually when I'm "walking" it's more of a meandering kind of thing with no real beginning and end or destination in mind. Probably why I hate shopping so much. Surprisingly, I can walk this morning with only a few aches. Although there is this one muscle that runs just behind and sort-of to the left of the knee bend that hurts. That acted up about 6 or 7 minutes into the bicycle workout. Tomorrow I will probably hurt like hell.

The wall in front of all the workout equipment was solid mirrors. Normally I avoid those like the plague. It wasn't too bad when I was on the bicycle. It was a recumbent one (fancy word for sitting with back support, lol) so I couldn't really see myself. But on the treadmill, I got a good look. At least from the waist down. And all of a sudden, I could see me. It was weird. As if some blinders fell off or something. Instead of seeing a fat blob, I saw my hips, curves. Yes, I've lost 20 pounds and toned. Lost some inches, definitely. But that doesn't account for all of it. It's just like I saw myself a bit more clearly. I've heard that the camera adds ten pounds. I think that our eyes add twenty, when we are looking at ourselves.

Why is that? In high school I thought I was unbelievably fat. Yet I wore a size 7 dress to my graduation ceremony. What is up with this? Size 7 is not fat. Fat is 5'2" and 185 pounds. Except now I'm at 165. But still in the obese category according to BMI, etc. Which I think is a crock. Totally does not take into account body structure/type.

But I digress. Most of the time on the treadmill I kept thinking to myself, "Who is that girl in the mirror there..."

Why can't we take these blinders off and just keep them off? What is it that makes us add these pounds to our images? Is it internal? External? Both? Neither? Why are some of us worse off than others in this respect? And now I worry that my new "obsession" of getting into shape is inadvertently making my little sister think negatively about her own body. Yes, she has some baby fat on her, yes she does run a risk of being overweight when you look at her family (both sides.) But I don't want her to obsess on it. So how do I help her? Is this fixation on body image and newly-found exercising mania hurting me too? Do I stop talking about it all together, or keep talking, like I have been.